Mental Health

[Mayor Ng]

Thank you for your kind words. The thing is, I have no idea which milestone I’m supposed to be aiming for now that I’ve graduated. I feel like I’m even more confused on what to do with my life now than before I entered university. I have a vague idea of it, but the two things I’m working on right now may prove not to be successful endeavors. I get the pandemic halting a lot of things though. I guess the next milestone I aim for is going to have to be something I figure out on my own.

It depends on what you want to achieve in life. There are also many aspects of life, such as relationships, career, health, etc. I graduated this year before the pandemic hit and when it did, it made any progression all the more harder.
Here are some of the goals I aimed for after I graduated, some achieved and some failures.

- I wanted to find a job in Australia to be close to my significant other but failed to land one before the pandemic hit.
- I eventually found a job in my industry but the pandemic made it hard for me to start it, with the job being postponed and then cancelled for this year. The positive side is that I can apply for it again next year and skip all the processes.
- I decided to teach while I wait for my job because there's a shortage of tutors with online lessons taking precedence.
- I decided to take up my Master's to give me an advantage when I start my job next year as well as for personal achievement.

Goals that I look forward to:

- Graduating with a Master's degree.
- Re-starting my career.
- Seeing my significant other (it's been close to 2 years now without seeing her since my country went into lockdown).

In university, there are deadlines for assignments and instructions on what to be done but outside of it, it is up to an individual to decide what he/she wants in life

The problem with life after school is it doesn't provide goals to you. In school, the school itself helps give goals. Get good grades to have your best shot getting into the college you want to go to. In college, your goal is to complete your degree. Immediately after that, your goal becomes to find a job in your field. But after that? Nothing.

There's people out there that really enjoy their jobs. That's fine. But for others, work will always be an obligation to them. I am one of those people. It doesn't matter even if I'm doing something I love. Eventually it will become boring and the thing I loved now is just a thing I need to do because I need money.

I think those of you who graduated college recently and feel lost need to sit down and start thinking about what you might want in life. It can be about anything, job related or not. And you don't have to map out your whole life. Just think of some things. For example, maybe you want to become a tenured professor at some university someday, doing research, and teaching. Or maybe you want to get married some day. Or maybe you really want to be able to buy your own house.

If you have even 1 goal, you can start working towards it. For me, I came from a very poor family. I did not want to struggle in poverty and wonder where I was going to get money to pay the rent like my parents did. It was stressful for me as a kid to experience that, and I wasn't even the one responsible for paying the bills! As soon as I got my first adult job, I started saving money. Obviously, my first job didn't pay that much. I had to be extremely frugal and the amount I could afford to save was small. Even $50 felt exciting! But I used that as motivation to work hard and try to get better paying jobs over time. More money meant that I could save up for things faster, and I could also loosen the belt of frugality a bit to make things more comfortable.

Getting yourself a goal will make work more tolerable and life more interesting, because you're working towards what you want.

These are excellent points and I like the positivity and clear-cut goals you have Thank you for sharing!

 

[TheSillyPuppy]

Posting here again to say that I can relate to having no direction in my life after having graduated from university.

I find it interesting that you guys think work is an obligation rather than an accomplishment, however. I’ve been battling severe depression, as in more than what is normal for me, since May, and just recently am doing better. During that time I didn’t see work as an obligation because I lacked a ton of motivation to do it. No one was there to support me. Ironically enough, now that I’m putting in the hours for work it feels like my life is just a blur from day to day. My online friends won’t talk to me, and I don’t have any real life friends besides one best friend who is busy all the time anyway. The only people who have supported me during this time has been my family, even when they’re not doing too well. I’m motivated and have a new schedule to get lots of stuff done now, but for some reason I still can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel such as moving out anytime soon or anything. I have pretty much nothing to look forward to.

TL;DR I severely miss the social aspect of being in university and it feels like I have no one besides my family I can even talk to on a regular basis. I feel deeply alone these days.

I definitely relate to the feeling of days blurring. For me, it helps to create a separation of work and rest of my life, through changing up the set-up of my desk before and after work and having a starting/ending work ritual.

It's good that you find support in your family.

Life as we knew it is essentially on pause for now. I remember reading somewhere else on the forums that you're working on a writing project -- do you find some sense of purpose in that?

For my friends and me, we still have our group chats in Facebook Messenger from university going. There is never an obligation to chat, but we tend to keep each other updated about our lives and share funny jokes/memes/videos with each other. Is that something that might work for you and your IRL and/or online friends?

Thank you for your kind wishes!

My Master's program is a mixture of both, there's a mandatory Master thesis submission, research-based assignments for other course subjects, and practical training for other hands-on skills for the latter half of the program.

I agree that with the uncertainty looming amongst us nowadays, it is indeed hard to plan far ahead. Taking it a step at a time is the way to go

Congratulations on graduating with a STEM degree, I'm sure it was not easy. Glad you are offering help and advice, bless you. Stay safe and stay strong!

Thanks so much! I think every degree/program is challenging in a unique way. I've been feeling a lot better these past two days, so things are starting to look up and I'm trying to be more intentional about not letting myself slip into a pit of despair.

The problem with life after school is it doesn't provide goals to you. In school, the school itself helps give goals. Get good grades to have your best shot getting into the college you want to go to. In college, your goal is to complete your degree. Immediately after that, your goal becomes to find a job in your field. But after that? Nothing.

There's people out there that really enjoy their jobs. That's fine. But for others, work will always be an obligation to them. I am one of those people. It doesn't matter even if I'm doing something I love. Eventually it will become boring and the thing I loved now is just a thing I need to do because I need money.

I think those of you who graduated college recently and feel lost need to sit down and start thinking about what you might want in life. It can be about anything, job related or not. And you don't have to map out your whole life. Just think of some things. For example, maybe you want to become a tenured professor at some university someday, doing research, and teaching. Or maybe you want to get married some day. Or maybe you really want to be able to buy your own house.

If you have even 1 goal, you can start working towards it. For me, I came from a very poor family. I did not want to struggle in poverty and wonder where I was going to get money to pay the rent like my parents did. It was stressful for me as a kid to experience that, and I wasn't even the one responsible for paying the bills! As soon as I got my first adult job, I started saving money. Obviously, my first job didn't pay that much. I had to be extremely frugal and the amount I could afford to save was small. Even $50 felt exciting! But I used that as motivation to work hard and try to get better paying jobs over time. More money meant that I could save up for things faster, and I could also loosen the belt of frugality a bit to make things more comfortable.

Getting yourself a goal will make work more tolerable and life more interesting, because you're working towards what you want.

This is very practical advice! You've touched on things I've started to think about.

Personally, I think where the sense of feeling lost comes from my expectations of having a career that I'm truly passionate about, which was how I felt about all my past internships. Where an internship and full-time job really differ is how long you're with the team and organization for. With an internship, it's similar to school in that you're most likely given certain tasks or projects that the company expects you to accomplish, whereas with a full-time job, you're with them for the long run and carving out your own path within the organization.

It's awesome that you used your circumstances to set financial goals for yourself. Some level of knowledge and understanding of managing personal finances is definitely super important!

 

[Midoriya]

I definitely relate to the feeling of days blurring. For me, it helps to create a separation of work and rest of my life, through changing up the set-up of my desk before and after work and having a starting/ending work ritual.

It's good that you find support in your family.

Life as we knew it is essentially on pause for now. I remember reading somewhere else on the forums that you're working on a writing project -- do you find some sense of purpose in that?

For my friends and me, we still have our group chats in Facebook Messenger from university going. There is never an obligation to chat, but we tend to keep each other updated about our lives and share funny jokes/memes/videos with each other. Is that something that might work for you and your IRL and/or online friends?

Yes, creating a separation of work and personal life is key. That, and having a set schedule where every hour of the week is dedicated to something for me. I literally cannot go throughout the week without a schedule made I’ve realized (had one in school too).

I do find a sense of purpose in my writing. My dad was a writer, and I think it has translated to myself. I have an original concept for the book series I’m working on. I’ve explained the premise to at least ten people in the past and they all said it was a unique and great idea. One of them said they could even see it being the next big hit. I want to get the book series published, and then have anime and manga adaptations produced for it if possible. I know it’s going to take an extraordinary amount of effort to complete it though. I’m going to have to dedicate a lot of time each week to both work and writing. I think I can do it... I just don’t want it to be a failed project.

Unfortunately not. My social life is kind of on pause for now. That’s okay though. It gives me more time to focus on things by myself. Sure, I get lonely sometimes, but I think everyone has at some point during this pandemic. We just have to keep fighting through it until it’s over.

Thank you for taking the time to respond to me.

 

[TheSillyPuppy]

Yes, creating a separation of work and personal life is key. That, and having a set schedule where every hour of the week is dedicated to something for me. I literally cannot go throughout the week without a schedule made I’ve realized (had one in school too).

I do find a sense of purpose in my writing. My dad was a writer, and I think it has translated to myself. I have an original concept for the book series I’m working on. I’ve explained the premise to at least ten people in the past and they all said it was a unique and great idea. One of them said they could even see it being the next big hit. I want to get the book series published, and then have anime and manga adaptations produced for it if possible. I know it’s going to take an extraordinary amount of effort to complete it though. I’m going to have to dedicate a lot of time each week to both work and writing. I think I can do it... I just don’t want it to be a failed project.

Unfortunately not. My social life is kind of on pause for now. That’s okay though. It gives me more time to focus on things by myself. Sure, I get lonely sometimes, but I think everyone has at some point during this pandemic. We just have to keep fighting through it until it’s over.

Thank you for taking the time to respond to me.

I definitely love creating structure by having a set schedule, though with work, I find that sometimes these plans go to shreds as things come up. X)

That's a commendable goal to have! I like to think anything that warrants pursuing involves a ton of work to achieve. In my culture, there is this proverb: " A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." Also, we tend not to hear about the hardships that so-called successful people go through in attaining their respective achievements, so don't let the fear of failure stop you from putting your story out there -- one word, paragraph, page, and chapter at a time! I believe in you. :3

Now is better than ever to self-reflect and get comfortable with solitude. But that doesn't mean we're alone -- don't hesitate to message me if you ever need someone to talk with, bounce ideas off of, etc. ^_^

 

[DinosaurDumpster]

Spoiler

Right now i feel like i'm not good enough to do anything, like everyone has more talent than i do. I'll see someone's work, and I'd want to do that. I'll try, fail miserably, and go back to my corner. Repeat every minute of the day. Some of the things i've tried I have done for several years and i'm still no good, such as piano and drawing (especially video games). Maybe i'm just not the kind of person to be good at anything.

 

[TheSillyPuppy]

Spoiler

Right now i feel like i'm not good enough to do anything, like everyone has more talent than i do. I'll see someone's work, and I'd want to do that. I'll try, fail miserably, and go back to my corner. Repeat every minute of the day. Some of the things i've tried I have done for several years and i'm still no good, such as piano and drawing (especially video games). Maybe i'm just not the kind of person to be good at anything.

I tend to easily compare myself and my work to others as well. It's a tough pattern of thinking to break -- it starts with gaining awareness over when you fall into this thought pattern. I felt the same way about piano, and now one of my greatest regrets is not finishing all the Royal Conservatory levels. If piano and drawing are activities/hobbies that bring you joy, don't let these feelings of inadequacy stop you from pursuing them. Instead, aim to get better than you were yesterday -- nothing more. At the end of the day, life is a marathon where we are racing against ourselves.

On the contrary, perhaps you're a generalist -- someone who dabbles at a lot of different things and is competent at them but is a "master of none." I'm definitely more of a generalist myself, and while I can't give you concrete advice, do continue to explore whatever interests you.

 

[TheSillyPuppy]

The universe works in mysterious ways. :3 Came across this video in my YouTube subscriptions and thought the advice might help out folks here, too. Her response focuses on the goal of losing weight, but she asks questions that we can ask ourselves in reflecting on our own situations and goals.

Spoiler: Video

 

[Mayor Ng]

The universe works in mysterious ways. :3 Came across this video in my YouTube subscriptions and thought the advice might help out folks here, too. Her response focuses on the goal of losing weight, but she asks questions that we can ask ourselves in reflecting on our own situations and goals.

Spoiler: Video

Thank you for sharing, I find it insightful! I'm sure others on this thread will appreciate it. Have a nice day and stay safe out there

 

[Patisserie]

I’ve been away for a while dealing with some of my life issues. I hope everyone is doing well. Life’s been a roller coaster for me. My best friend girlfriend moved in with us. We all moved into a new place. Got bedbugs from the Uhaul truck!!! Disgusting! My puppy Chai broke her leg playing outside and is stuck in a cast. Roommates girlfriend had a miscarriage... that really sucks cause we were all really excited about it. Plus my relationship with my best friend is being strained. Because he seems to think he has to be mean to me so his girlfriend doesn’t get jealous. Her and I are like best friends now. I think I have developed an emotional eating habit and well I have poor self control over how much I am eating. I’m weighing 170lb which is just bordering overweight. But, I know if I don’t take control it will become a new problem to add to the many things I already fight with every day. I’m trying to keep positive and decided to check up here and vent a bit.

 

[Jessi]

Life has always been rough for me. I don't even remember when I was happy. From bullying and having no friends all my life, its made my adult life incredibly difficult. I feel scared to be close to people, I constantly doubt myself, and very low self-confidence. Its been I working battle after being diagnosed with depression, anxiety (with panic attacks), and PTSD. I'm still smiling though, and working on myself everyday

 

[Mayor Ng]

I’ve been away for a while dealing with some of my life issues. I hope everyone is doing well. Life’s been a roller coaster for me. My best friend girlfriend moved in with us. We all moved into a new place. Got bedbugs from the Uhaul truck!!! Disgusting! My puppy Chai broke her leg playing outside and is stuck in a cast. Roommates girlfriend had a miscarriage... that really sucks cause we were all really excited about it. Plus my relationship with my best friend is being strained. Because he seems to think he has to be mean to me so his girlfriend doesn’t get jealous. Her and I are like best friends now. I think I have developed an emotional eating habit and well I have poor self control over how much I am eating. I’m weighing 170lb which is just bordering overweight. But, I know if I don’t take control it will become a new problem to add to the many things I already fight with every day. I’m trying to keep positive and decided to check up here and vent a bit. View attachment 331200

Oh no, poor Chai, get well soon. I've also been busy lately with work and assignments (I'm pursuing my master's degree).

I don't get the logic of your best friend having to be mean to you so that his girlfriend would not be jealous of you Something is not quite right with that line of thinking I hope your roommate's girlfriend is not too devastated with her miscarriage, that can be very hard to get through. Take things step-by-step and don't be too caught up by everything all of a sudden and be anxious, as long as you are staying positive, that's good Feel free to continue checking up on this thread and venting if you like.

I will not be able to check back on the forum every day until I finish my master's degree or have semester break but I'll check from time to time.

Life has always been rough for me. I don't even remember when I was happy. From bullying and having no friends all my life, its made my adult life incredibly difficult. I feel scared to be close to people, I constantly doubt myself, and very low self-confidence. Its been I working battle after being diagnosed with depression, anxiety (with panic attacks), and PTSD. I'm still smiling though, and working on myself everyday

As long as you continue to smile through and remain positive, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel