Mental Health

[Katzenjammer]

It's always a pleasure to be able to help in some ways My condolences for your chronic health issues and I hope you have better days than worse.

Here's a suggestion for your dilemma, find a local cafe or comfortable space, and frequent it often. With the pandemic still not receding at the moment, it is not a good idea to go out unless necessary but you could do some research on Google Map of your surroundings and read up reviews if available. It could be a safe place for you that is in a social environment and your frequent visits will be noticed by attentive staff members and slowly you could get to know the staff members and exchange greetings. This will slowly build up your confidence in yourself and there are no expectations set because you are a customer or a guest. Ideally, the staff members will be appreciative of your repeated patronage and be friendlier to you and maybe you'll make a friend or two from them outside of work

I feel you on the helping thing, absolutely! I care about people deeply and want to help any time or any way I can. I hate to see anyone in pain of any kind, mental or physical. Aw, thank you so much, I appreciate that a lot. I hope so too, thank you! <3

Spoiler: cut for trigger words

Unfortunately, I'm not able to leave my home to speak of (doctors appointments are even tough to get to), due to mostly physical as well as some mental issue components, though I am thankfully not agoraphobic. I really feel very much for those who are agoraphobic, though. I've been house-bound for many years, way before covid. The main thing when it comes to others, are my trust issues, as everyone I have ever trusted in my entire life other than my parents and extended family, has abused and/or used me (including sexual assault in two cases) or they just disappeared on me (usually online or people that lived far away, anyhow).

I have a very difficult time honestly truly believing that anyone would want to talk to me without wanting something in return, and that is a massive root problem that I don't know how to fix, but I do know it's one of my biggest issues. It's very complicated and it's ...a lot more. It's way too much to get into here, and I don't want to upset anyone with triggers or get too graphic or detailed. I did want to give you a little more information, though, if it helps. I am aware of a lot of what's wrong (not all, obviously, as I'm no doctor or psychologist lol). It's more a matter of knowing how to fix it, more than anything else. I wish I was physically able to go to a local church, which is where I'd go to make friends if I were able to do so. It's so frustrating not being able to go anywhere or be a productive member of society, and takes a huge toll on your self worth, too.

I'm also extremely thankful though, as I know there are soooo many other people out there in real pain compared to me, going through things I could never fathom or handle. It's good to count your blessings, I think.

I really appreciate your suggestion! Sadly, I'm very limited when it comes to being able to go anywhere at all. Before a lot of my health stuff started/got worse, I was able to leave the house a lot more, working as a vet assistant, volunteering at the zoo, wildlife rehabs, went to concerts, and even had some "friends" (they ended up going 'poof') and a lot of fellow artists/creative types that I happened to know. My twenties were a great time for me as far as getting out and being more normal in that respect.

But seriously, thank you so much again for your reply! You're super awesome and really kind for taking the time to read all this and listening/helping people in this thread. It means a lot! I hope you and yours are doing well! If you or anyone else ever needs an ear, please don't hesitate to message me, and I mean that! Much love to everyone! <3

 

[Mayor Ng]

I’ve been grieving about my dad’s passing for years now. He died back in 2016 and I still haven’t got over it. My mom recently went to see a friend of hers who is I guess can talk to spirits(it’s fine if you don’t believe in that kind of thing but I do) and she had told my mom that my dad said that I’m still grieving and that I should go visit my sister back in our hometown so we can be together. Mind you I never met this woman nor has she and my mom never told her about me or anything so I’m kinda shook. It gives me great comfort to know that because it shows to me that dad is still here with us and watching over us.

My condolences for your loss. Being Asian, my family believes in our ancestral spirits. Your father is constantly watching out for you and waiting for you to join him when your time has come. Death is not the end, it is just another journey to the unknown. Do not attempt to end your life Live your life to your fullest and make your dad proud of what you can achieve Glad you found some comfort. Stay safe and stay strong.

I feel you on the helping thing, absolutely! I care about people deeply and want to help any time or any way I can. I hate to see anyone in pain of any kind, mental or physical. Aw, thank you so much, I appreciate that a lot. I hope so too, thank you! <3

Spoiler: cut for trigger words

Unfortunately, I'm not able to leave my home to speak of (doctors appointments are even tough to get to), due to mostly physical as well as some mental issue components, though I am thankfully not agoraphobic. I really feel very much for those who are agoraphobic, though. I've been house-bound for many years, way before covid. The main thing when it comes to others, are my trust issues, as everyone I have ever trusted in my entire life other than my parents and extended family, has abused and/or used me (including sexual assault in two cases) or they just disappeared on me (usually online or people that lived far away, anyhow).

I have a very difficult time honestly truly believing that anyone would want to talk to me without wanting something in return, and that is a massive root problem that I don't know how to fix, but I do know it's one of my biggest issues. It's very complicated and it's ...a lot more. It's way too much to get into here, and I don't want to upset anyone with triggers or get too graphic or detailed. I did want to give you a little more information, though, if it helps. I am aware of a lot of what's wrong (not all, obviously, as I'm no doctor or psychologist lol). It's more a matter of knowing how to fix it, more than anything else. I wish I was physically able to go to a local church, which is where I'd go to make friends if I were able to do so. It's so frustrating not being able to go anywhere or be a productive member of society, and takes a huge toll on your self worth, too.

I'm also extremely thankful though, as I know there are soooo many other people out there in real pain compared to me, going through things I could never fathom or handle. It's good to count your blessings, I think.

I really appreciate your suggestion! Sadly, I'm very limited when it comes to being able to go anywhere at all. Before a lot of my health stuff started/got worse, I was able to leave the house a lot more, working as a vet assistant, volunteering at the zoo, wildlife rehabs, went to concerts, and even had some "friends" (they ended up going 'poof') and a lot of fellow artists/creative types that I happened to know. My twenties were a great time for me as far as getting out and being more normal in that respect.

But seriously, thank you so much again for your reply! You're super awesome and really kind for taking the time to read all this and listening/helping people in this thread. It means a lot! I hope you and yours are doing well! If you or anyone else ever needs an ear, please don't hesitate to message me, and I mean that! Much love to everyone! <3

It's terrible that you have been severely mistreated and misused. I just hope everything only gets better for you. Feel free to participate and interact with people on TBT, maybe it'll help alleviate some of your problems. Also, feel free to use this thread as a place to express yourself and I encourage people to read and give advice or words of comfort, it might help yourself as well

 

[fluttershy300]

My condolences for your loss. Being Asian, my family believes in our ancestral spirits. Your father is constantly watching out for you and waiting for you to join him when your time has come. Death is not the end, it is just another journey to the unknown. Do not attempt to end your life Live your life to your fullest and make your dad proud of what you can achieve Glad you found some comfort. Stay safe and stay strong.



It's terrible that you have been severely mistreated and misused. I just hope everything only gets better for you. Feel free to participate and interact with people on TBT, maybe it'll help alleviate some of your problems. Also, feel free to use this thread as a place to express yourself and I encourage people to read and give advice or words of comfort, it might help yourself as well

Thank you so much, seriously.

 

[DinosaurDumpster]

My parents have been trying to make me someone i'm not. I have an extremely religious background, which is super hard for me. Especially since they don't support the LGBTQ+ community. I'm ace/aro and non-binary, and pretty much all of my friends are apart of this community as well and we all support it together. Just being dead named every day bothers me... and it's not like I can tell my parents because they would either kick me out of the house or try to make me 'back to normal' and pretty much become straight.
They are also forcing me to be extroverted every other day and talk with people. And it's not like that's just my family, everyone in our religion is super extroverted from what I know of and make me talk with people instead of being where i'm most comfortable, in the corner.
Just all of this is making me super depressed and angry. I'm going insane, and all of this on top of me being scared to death and depressed every night...

 

[Mayor Ng]

My parents have been trying to make me someone i'm not. I have an extremely religious background, which is super hard for me. Especially since they don't support the LGBTQ+ community. I'm ace/aro and non-binary, and pretty much all of my friends are apart of this community as well and we all support it together. Just being dead named every day bothers me... and it's not like I can tell my parents because they would either kick me out of the house or try to make me 'back to normal' and pretty much become straight.
They are also forcing me to be extroverted every other day and talk with people. And it's not like that's just my family, everyone in our religion is super extroverted from what I know of and make me talk with people instead of being where i'm most comfortable, in the corner.
Just all of this is making me super depressed and angry. I'm going insane, and all of this on top of me being scared to death and depressed every night...

I don't really know how to help in your case because I have never found myself in your situation. My parents are religious but they do not force my sister and me to be religious nor are they against the LGBTQ+ community. I don't know how to help you nor do I have any advice to give. I'm terribly sorry Just hang in there until you have the means to be independent. Maybe someone else on this thread can help or give advice?

 

[Nicole.]

my mental health has been on steady decline since covid, and also being far away from family when the pandemic hits really adds to everything. dealing with stress, rejection, loneliness, and anxiety on top of all of this. there’s only so much a person can take.

sometimes i feel like i’m one bad day away from screaming at the top of my lungs in the car or somewhere in the middle of nowhere. that sounds dramatic but that’s how i feel like when things just pile up.

i was too depressed the last few weeks, even ac couldn’t cheer me up. it’s not an escape anymore as it used to.

I hope everything is well for you! I can relate to you so much.I feel this pandemic has taken a toll on my mental health too and especially going through lockdown and the uncertainty of everything. I haven't been out in days and I notice that when I do pop out to run errands, I get panic attacks around people again and just feel constantly on edge. It feels so strange seeing new people other than family members I've been living with, and might I say its even more unusual just to be outdoors!

Funnily enough, I haven't felt as worse as I have been during Covid, last year I was in a really bad state with depression and living away from home contributed towards this. I had zero motivation and no ambition whatsoever, just felt completely hopeless of my future. I had never felt more lonely in my life (I was living in a city), and I just shut myself away for a few months because I just couldn't cope. It comes and goes since then, but recently I have figured that keeping myself busy and being active actually helps out a lot! I also find I cope better being in a routine, it allows me to get more done throughout the day rather than feeling overwhelmed and not knowing where to start.

 

[Mimi Cheems]

I’ve been grieving about my dad’s passing for years now. He died back in 2016 and I still haven’t got over it. My mom recently went to see a friend of hers who is I guess can talk to spirits(it’s fine if you don’t believe in that kind of thing but I do) and she had told my mom that my dad said that I’m still grieving and that I should go visit my sister back in our hometown so we can be together. Mind you I never met this woman nor has she and my mom never told her about me or anything so I’m kinda shook. It gives me great comfort to know that because it shows to me that dad is still here with us and watching over us.

My deepest condolences about your father. I wanted to let you know though that no matter how long time has passed, no matter how many years it's been... it's still okay to grieve. My Papa (grandpa, but he was more of a father than anything) passed away in 2017, and I still can't get over it. It's perfectly healthy to grieve even if it's been a 'long time', the pain never really goes away but it definitely gets better with time... Loss is such a difficult thing. But, I'd definitely go visit your sister, whenever you can. It sounds like it would be very beneficial for you ;w; I hope things get better for you, and remember; your father is always always watching!! ;w; )b

---

Now, one of my current issues is dealing with my anxiety at work. I've got so many good coping skills to use when I'm anxious at home, but none for when I'm working. I work in a pretty fast-paced environment, I work in food-service, so it's quite... stressful for me and I tend to get frazzled pretty easily. However, I can't just pull out my bullet-journal in the middle of serving a customer and start bullet-journaling on the clock as much as I'd like to, it's just so... upsetting that I don't have very many effective coping skills to use in an environment such as work. The deep breathing is more effective if I'm less anxious, so the more anxious I am, the less effective it becomes. I try to count to ten and back but it's so... difficult. With so many people looming over me wanting their ice-cream it's like... ;w; I freak out. So much. I do have one coping skill that is quite effective at home that I could do at work? I actually tried it tonight while at work and it was... okay-ish? I just need to get into the right mind-set for it to work, I guess. I have something like an 'echoic memory' where I can memorize voices and play them in my head. I have a huge comfort character I hold dearly to my heart, Bucky Barnes from the MCU. I usually close my eyes and envision him talking to me and such trying to calm me down. It works a lot! But I'm not sure how effective it will be at work, I need to adapt but it's very difficult ;w; Does anyone have any tips on how to manage anxiety and/or copious amounts of stress in a fast-paced work environment?

 

[Underneath The Stars]

I hope everything is well for you! I can relate to you so much.I feel this pandemic has taken a toll on my mental health too and especially going through lockdown and the uncertainty of everything. I haven't been out in days and I notice that when I do pop out to run errands, I get panic attacks around people again and just feel constantly on edge. It feels so strange seeing new people other than family members I've been living with, and might I say its even more unusual just to be outdoors!

Funnily enough, I haven't felt as worse as I have been during Covid, last year I was in a really bad state with depression and living away from home contributed towards this. I had zero motivation and no ambition whatsoever, just felt completely hopeless of my future. I had never felt more lonely in my life (I was living in a city), and I just shut myself away for a few months because I just couldn't cope. It comes and goes since then, but recently I have figured that keeping myself busy and being active actually helps out a lot! I also find I cope better being in a routine, it allows me to get more done throughout the day rather than feeling overwhelmed and not knowing where to start.

thank you! and yes i do get that feeling, even before the pandemic. when you haven't gone out in days, and suddenly going out seeing people (also people you know) you have that little panic attack like you're somewhat uncomfortable or not confident/nervous. it's a hard feeling to explain.

 

[TheSillyPuppy]

I graduated from university this past June, and I feel like I'm not accomplishing anything with my life right now. Sure, I work 9-5 Mondays through Fridays, but work to me is an obligation rather than an accomplishment. Same thing with exercising after work every day. I feel like I just float through living one day to the next, and it's all a blur.

I guess I just feel like I now lack any direction in life, now that I don't have concrete goals imposed onto me by some institution (e.g. pass these courses or else). In retrospect, I now miss the feeling of struggling through challenging courses with professors that clearly would rather spend time on their research than teach the class properly because at least I felt something and it felt really damn accomplishing to pass a course when "the odds were stacked against me." Can anyone share your journey/experiences on learning to set goals for yourself?

Living at home with my parents, I'm also struggling with a difference in value systems compared to them (first-generation immigrants who grew up in generally worse socioeconomic conditions in an Asian country). So as soon as I bring up the topic of lacking a sense of purpose in life now, they accuse me of being ungrateful for the material things that I have (a roof over my head, food on the table) and question why I need to have a sense of purpose if many people are now struggling to make ends meet due to the global pandemic and resulting economic downturns. It makes it really difficult for me to have these honest conversations with them due to the constant invalidation of my feelings and thoughts.

 

[Mayor Ng]

I graduated from university this past June, and I feel like I'm not accomplishing anything with my life right now. Sure, I work 9-5 Mondays through Fridays, but work to me is an obligation rather than an accomplishment. Same thing with exercising after work every day. I feel like I just float through living one day to the next, and it's all a blur.

I guess I just feel like I now lack any direction in life, now that I don't have concrete goals imposed onto me by some institution (e.g. pass these courses or else). In retrospect, I now miss the feeling of struggling through challenging courses with professors that clearly would rather spend time on their research than teach the class properly because at least I felt something and it felt really damn accomplishing to pass a course when "the odds were stacked against me." Can anyone share your journey/experiences on learning to set goals for yourself?

Living at home with my parents, I'm also struggling with a difference in value systems compared to them (first-generation immigrants who grew up in generally worse socioeconomic conditions in an Asian country). So as soon as I bring up the topic of lacking a sense of purpose in life now, they accuse me of being ungrateful for the material things that I have (a roof over my head, food on the table) and question why I need to have a sense of purpose if many people are now struggling to make ends meet due to the global pandemic and resulting economic downturns. It makes it really difficult for me to have these honest conversations with them due to the constant invalidation of my feelings and thoughts.

I graduated in February. I've gotten a job placement but has been postponed since March and the job was cancelled last month to be resumed next year. Since March until now, I'm teaching as a private mathematics and general history tutor. Like you, my current work is an obligation to be productive rather than an accomplishment to what I initially wanted when I graduated. I've often felt like I've wasted months doing nothing but that is not true, I've managed to pass on many knowledge through teaching and I've managed to give myself a lot of quality time and a break from my university studies. One must look at the positives no matter how small or there will not be satisfaction

When I got the news that my job has been canceled and that I can apply for next year (I get to skip all the processes that I've already completed, a positive aspect), I decided to take up a 1-year master's program that would hopefully give me an advantage before I apply for next year's spot. I'm currently on day 3 of the program. I am fortunate that my parent is willing to support my decision, especially during these difficult times. I've mostly made decisions based on my circumstances and what I want further on in life but I do not try to plan too far ahead (usually within a year) or set unrealistic goals

I suppose you could set realistic goals about what you want to achieve. For example, going up the career ladder. You could give yourself a tough goal that might earn you recognition amongst your superiors and peers and when you achieve it, you can get a sense of achievement and potentially further opportunities

Not surprised, people are all fluid and we are influenced by our past and your parent's past made them more appreciative and grateful for what they have but you are born and raised in different circumstances and deserve to chase after your own aspirations and dreams, something that parents tend to forget. It will take time to get through to your parent but do not give up

 

[Millysaurusrexjr]

Spoiler: mental health

a month ago I had my first panic/anxiety attack. Had a series of them, was not fun. Ever since then I have been terrified that I could get a panic attack again.
Right now I feel like I'm on the edge of one, I think I just realized something that triggers me. Luckily it's pretty avoidable.
I really ought to get diagnosed on multiple things.. social anxiety, depression, ADHD.. but that involves talking to people

 

[TheSillyPuppy]

I graduated in February. I've gotten a job placement but has been postponed since March and the job was cancelled last month to be resumed next year. Since March until now, I'm teaching as a private mathematics and general history tutor. Like you, my current work is an obligation to be productive rather than an accomplishment to what I initially wanted when I graduated. I've often felt like I've wasted months doing nothing but that is not true, I've managed to pass on many knowledge through teaching and I've managed to give myself a lot of quality time and a break from my university studies. One must look at the positives no matter how small or there will not be satisfaction

When I got the news that my job has been canceled and that I can apply for next year (I get to skip all the processes that I've already completed, a positive aspect), I decided to take up a 1-year master's program that would hopefully give me an advantage before I apply for next year's spot. I'm currently on day 3 of the program. I am fortunate that my parent is willing to support my decision, especially during these difficult times. I've mostly made decisions based on my circumstances and what I want further on in life but I do not try to plan too far ahead (usually within a year) or set unrealistic goals

I suppose you could set realistic goals about what you want to achieve. For example, going up the career ladder. You could give yourself a tough goal that might earn you recognition amongst your superiors and peers and when you achieve it, you can get a sense of achievement and potentially further opportunities

Not surprised, people are all fluid and we are influenced by our past and your parent's past made them more appreciative and grateful for what they have but you are born and raised in different circumstances and deserve to chase after your own aspirations and dreams, something that parents tend to forget. It will take time to get through to your parent but do not give up

Thank you for the words of encouragement and insights!

I hope you too are able to find meaning through your current (and future) work, on top of reaping the financial benefits of having employment. I know a lot of students have struggled with the switch to online delivery of content, so do realize that you're helping your students out immensely with your tutoring services.

I wish you all the best with your Master's program! Out of curiosity, is it research or course-based?

Especially nowadays, it's hard to plan for too long a horizon because who knows what could happen tomorrow?

I talked with my parents a bit last night, and while we haven't talked through everything, we're all on this journey together and quite frankly, we're all just doing the best that we can under these circumstances. Nobody is perfect, and admittedly, my patience wears thin pretty quickly, especially after work. It's also tough to not have conflict when families are now sharing the same space basically 24/7.

I hope you, your parent, and everyone else here stays safe and healthy! ❤ Happy to share my experiences (either publicly or in privates messages) with surviving a STEM undergrad (chemical engineering, specially) and seeking internship/co-op opportunities if that will help offload some anxiety and stress off anyone here.

 

[Lightspring]

I cannot handle college. I bomb one class and then I go and bomb another within a span of an hour. My dad is upset at me, saying how I think that I think I’m some kind of genius just because I study Japanese. Maybe I did got too ahead of myself. I hate being compared with my mom, as my dad always compares me and her saying how she studied for 10 hours a day in college and worked super hard. My mom likes to point that out too. I try studying and I know I should do better, but if I get any points off I get super mad at myself. My mom made me go take dual enrollment even when I told her that the college that I want to go to is mostly looking for AP credits, but she didn’t listen and was so sure of her decision when she finally changed her mind at the last moment and was like, “Oh, you’ll be fine”. My mom didn’t even go to high school in America, and even then her process will be different than mine 10 years ago. My sister doesn’t care much about her grades and she always thinks that I’m seeking attention. I think that I am too dependent on my parents and I’m too childish.
I constantly worry about my future. I don’t think I will ever be accepted into my dream college, as there are so many other people with better grades than me. I have this pressure to be a doctor and if I don’t then I’m a failure. I’m already starting my college gpa at a terrible start now that I have bombed my quiz and homework assignments. They don’t even have extra credit so there is nothing that I can do. I worry that I’m just average and will let down my parents.

 

[TheSillyPuppy]

I cannot handle college. I bomb one class and then I go and bomb another within a span of an hour. My dad is upset at me, saying how I think that I think I’m some kind of genius just because I study Japanese. Maybe I did got too ahead of myself. I hate being compared with my mom, as my dad always compares me and her saying how she studied for 10 hours a day in college and worked super hard. My mom likes to point that out too. I try studying and I know I should do better, but if I get any points off I get super mad at myself. My mom made me go take dual enrollment even when I told her that the college that I want to go to is mostly looking for AP credits, but she didn’t listen and was so sure of her decision when she finally changed her mind at the last moment and was like, “Oh, you’ll be fine”. My mom didn’t even go to high school in America, and even then her process will be different than mine 10 years ago. My sister doesn’t care much about her grades and she always thinks that I’m seeking attention. I think that I am too dependent on my parents and I’m too childish.
I constantly worry about my future. I don’t think I will ever be accepted into my dream college, as there are so many other people with better grades than me. I have this pressure to be a doctor and if I don’t then I’m a failure. I’m already starting my college gpa at a terrible start now that I have bombed my quiz and homework assignments. They don’t even have extra credit so there is nothing that I can do. I worry that I’m just average and will let down my parents.

The gap between high school and college/university can be fairly large. It's unrealistic to expect the same numerical grades in college as you had in high school. Some institutions purposely give first-year students a hard time academically to essentially make a quick buck.

There may be other people with better grades than you, but we're all unique with our own strengths and weaknesses. That's okay. College is the best time to start figuring out who you are, what you want out of your college experience, and start carving out the path that you want. Do you really want to be a doctor? Every job, no matter how seemingly devalued it is in modern society, serves a purpose. There is no "better" or "best" job -- it is all a matter of perspective and what value you wish to bring to the world.

There is no single path to success, nor is the path to success ever linear. I can recommend giving this video a watch -- it helped me learn that we are so socialized to think there is only one way to attain success, which could not be more inaccurate.

I would argue that the most important skill one obtains by going through a post-secondary program is learning how to learn independently. I don't mean that you're alone on this journey -- experiment with different study methods and habits, find/form a study group, build relationships with your professors and teaching assistants (so they can put a face to your name and you're not just another student number to them).

Additionally, try to focus your energy on understanding and enjoying the material rather than the outcome (grade) at the end of a semester. From my last five years, I can say that the more that I've focused on the final grade, the lower my grade turned out to be. When I focused on getting interested and invested in the material, that made the process of learning it so much easier, and thus, my grade turned out higher than I could have ever expected.

About feeling dependent on your parents, this resonates with me, too. Do you live in a dormitory or at home with your family? Take it baby steps at a time; for example, if learning to cook is a skill that you would like to learn, start by searching up a recipe you like and try to follow it. If you live at home, sit down with your parents to see if there are some responsibilities around the house you could start to take on.

Please don't hesitate to reach out to me via private message. I know that college can be full of stressful moments, but I also have plenty of fond memories about it too. I believe that you can overcome the hardships of college! ❤

 

[Lightspring]

The gap between high school and college/university can be fairly large. It's unrealistic to expect the same numerical grades in college as you had in high school. Some institutions purposely give first-year students a hard time academically to essentially make a quick buck.

There may be other people with better grades than you, but we're all unique with our own strengths and weaknesses. That's okay. College is the best time to start figuring out who you are, what you want out of your college experience, and start carving out the path that you want. Do you really want to be a doctor? Every job, no matter how seemingly devalued it is in modern society, serves a purpose. There is no "better" or "best" job -- it is all a matter of perspective and what value you wish to bring to the world.

There is no single path to success, nor is the path to success ever linear. I can recommend giving this video a watch -- it helped me learn that we are so socialized to think there is only one way to attain success, which could not be more inaccurate.

I would argue that the most important skill one obtains by going through a post-secondary program is learning how to learn independently. I don't mean that you're alone on this journey -- experiment with different study methods and habits, find/form a study group, build relationships with your professors and teaching assistants (so they can put a face to your name and you're not just another student number to them).

Additionally, try to focus your energy on understanding and enjoying the material rather than the outcome (grade) at the end of a semester. From my last five years, I can say that the more that I've focused on the final grade, the lower my grade turned out to be. When I focused on getting interested and invested in the material, that made the process of learning it so much easier, and thus, my grade turned out higher than I could have ever expected.

About feeling dependent on your parents, this resonates with me, too. Do you live in a dormitory or at home with your family? Take it baby steps at a time; for example, if learning to cook is a skill that you would like to learn, start by searching up a recipe you like and try to follow it. If you live at home, sit down with your parents to see if there are some responsibilities around the house you could start to take on.

Please don't hesitate to reach out to me via private message. I know that college can be full of stressful moments, but I also have plenty of fond memories about it too. I believe that you can overcome the hardships of college! ❤

Thank you so much for replying! Yes, I live with my parents. I think it’s a good idea for me to do chores around the house to become more like an adult. I’ll watch that video, it looks very helpful! I’ve noticed with classes I did well in, I performed a lot better. The only reason why I want to become a doctor is because of the pay and my parents. My mom and aunt and uncle are all pharmacists and my dad never completed college, so I feel this pressure to follow in a similar manner. I wrote a plan a couple of months ago for my career and I’ve felt optimistic about it, it’s just that I was being too hard on myself. I’ve gotten an average grade on a few classes before in middle school so I feel that I wanted to be on the same level or higher than the other students so I got stressed whenever something was in the way between me and my goal. I felt that it was always either I start on it early and I bomb it or I finish it late and I don’t understand the material. I guess I need to find that balance. I’ve noticed I’ve been doing mostly well in science classes for some reason. My major will probably be biology or chemistry, though I think that physics is also fascinating. I never tried in a English and I always got A’s, so I guess that the bad quiz score today was jut a rude awakening for me. Anyway, I appreciate your support, and as always, thank you so much!

 

[Midoriya]

Posting here again to say that I can relate to having no direction in my life after having graduated from university.

I find it interesting that you guys think work is an obligation rather than an accomplishment, however. I’ve been battling severe depression, as in more than what is normal for me, since May, and just recently am doing better. During that time I didn’t see work as an obligation because I lacked a ton of motivation to do it. No one was there to support me. Ironically enough, now that I’m putting in the hours for work it feels like my life is just a blur from day to day. My online friends won’t talk to me, and I don’t have any real life friends besides one best friend who is busy all the time anyway. The only people who have supported me during this time has been my family, even when they’re not doing too well. I’m motivated and have a new schedule to get lots of stuff done now, but for some reason I still can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel such as moving out anytime soon or anything. I have pretty much nothing to look forward to.

TL;DR I severely miss the social aspect of being in university and it feels like I have no one besides my family I can even talk to on a regular basis. I feel deeply alone these days.

 

[Mayor Ng]

Thank you for the words of encouragement and insights!

I hope you too are able to find meaning through your current (and future) work, on top of reaping the financial benefits of having employment. I know a lot of students have struggled with the switch to online delivery of content, so do realize that you're helping your students out immensely with your tutoring services.

I wish you all the best with your Master's program! Out of curiosity, is it research or course-based?

Especially nowadays, it's hard to plan for too long a horizon because who knows what could happen tomorrow?

I talked with my parents a bit last night, and while we haven't talked through everything, we're all on this journey together and quite frankly, we're all just doing the best that we can under these circumstances. Nobody is perfect, and admittedly, my patience wears thin pretty quickly, especially after work. It's also tough to not have conflict when families are now sharing the same space basically 24/7.

I hope you, your parent, and everyone else here stays safe and healthy! ❤ Happy to share my experiences (either publicly or in privates messages) with surviving a STEM undergrad (chemical engineering, specially) and seeking internship/co-op opportunities if that will help offload some anxiety and stress off anyone here.

Thank you for your kind wishes!

My Master's program is a mixture of both, there's a mandatory Master thesis submission, research-based assignments for other course subjects, and practical training for other hands-on skills for the latter half of the program.

I agree that with the uncertainty looming amongst us nowadays, it is indeed hard to plan far ahead. Taking it a step at a time is the way to go

Congratulations on graduating with a STEM degree, I'm sure it was not easy. Glad you are offering help and advice, bless you. Stay safe and stay strong!

Posting here again to say that I can relate to having no direction in my life after having graduated from university.

I find it interesting that you guys think work is an obligation rather than an accomplishment, however. I’ve been battling severe depression, as in more than what is normal for me, since May, and just recently am doing better. During that time I didn’t see work as an obligation because I lacked a ton of motivation to do it. No one was there to support me. Ironically enough, now that I’m putting in the hours for work it feels like my life is just a blur from day to day. My online friends won’t talk to me, and I don’t have any real life friends besides one best friend who is busy all the time anyway. The only people who have supported me during this time has been my family, even when they’re not doing too well. I’m motivated and have a new schedule to get lots of stuff done now, but for some reason I still can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel such as moving out anytime soon or anything. I have pretty much nothing to look forward to.

TL;DR I severely miss the social aspect of being in university and it feels like I have no one besides my family I can even talk to on a regular basis. I feel deeply alone these days.

I'm glad you are doing better with your depression. I see work as an obligation because I have to make myself do it as opposed to wanting to do it naturally. I like tutoring my students but it is not something I see for myself as a profession. With the pandemic, a lot of people are facing a hiatus and it's common to feel like there's nothing to look forward to, I suppose you could plan for reaching a new milestone after the pandemic has passed

 

[Midoriya]

I'm glad you are doing better with your depression. I see work as an obligation because I have to make myself do it as opposed to wanting to do it naturally. I like tutoring my students but it is not something I see for myself as a profession. With the pandemic, a lot of people are facing a hiatus and it's common to feel like there's nothing to look forward to, I suppose you could plan for reaching a new milestone after the pandemic has passed

Thank you for your kind words. The thing is, I have no idea which milestone I’m supposed to be aiming for now that I’ve graduated. I feel like I’m even more confused on what to do with my life now than before I entered university. I have a vague idea of it, but the two things I’m working on right now may prove not to be successful endeavors. I get the pandemic halting a lot of things though. I guess the next milestone I aim for is going to have to be something I figure out on my own.

 

[DJStarstryker]

The problem with life after school is it doesn't provide goals to you. In school, the school itself helps give goals. Get good grades to have your best shot getting into the college you want to go to. In college, your goal is to complete your degree. Immediately after that, your goal becomes to find a job in your field. But after that? Nothing.

There's people out there that really enjoy their jobs. That's fine. But for others, work will always be an obligation to them. I am one of those people. It doesn't matter even if I'm doing something I love. Eventually it will become boring and the thing I loved now is just a thing I need to do because I need money.

I think those of you who graduated college recently and feel lost need to sit down and start thinking about what you might want in life. It can be about anything, job related or not. And you don't have to map out your whole life. Just think of some things. For example, maybe you want to become a tenured professor at some university someday, doing research, and teaching. Or maybe you want to get married some day. Or maybe you really want to be able to buy your own house.

If you have even 1 goal, you can start working towards it. For me, I came from a very poor family. I did not want to struggle in poverty and wonder where I was going to get money to pay the rent like my parents did. It was stressful for me as a kid to experience that, and I wasn't even the one responsible for paying the bills! As soon as I got my first adult job, I started saving money. Obviously, my first job didn't pay that much. I had to be extremely frugal and the amount I could afford to save was small. Even $50 felt exciting! But I used that as motivation to work hard and try to get better paying jobs over time. More money meant that I could save up for things faster, and I could also loosen the belt of frugality a bit to make things more comfortable.

Getting yourself a goal will make work more tolerable and life more interesting, because you're working towards what you want.

 

[Midoriya]

- snip -

This is really good insight, actually. I’m the type of person that has to enjoy what they’re doing or learning, otherwise I won’t do it. I’ve actually known that for awhile now because the only reason I did my best to get good grades in school was because I enjoyed and loved the classes I was taking. Same thing with work for me. That’s why I’m guessing once this pandemic is over I need to find a job that I really enjoy doing. I enjoy my current job to an extent, but it’s not something I can do long term unless I’m given more hours or pay. My plan for now should be to take full advantage of it, and then go find something better once the pandemic is over. Thank you for taking the time to write this as it really helped me see things differently. And yes, finding a goal will help a lot as well.