New feature request; pronouns!

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People ask and get corrected in the real world so not much different.


that's the problem, "if". not everyone is as careful and people being misgendered shouldn't be dependent on an "if"
Is it really that big of a problemo? I honestly don't see the issue here. If someone misgenders you just correct them and move on.

Am I missing something?
 
People ask and get corrected in the real world so not much different.

yes but real life doesn't have the option to hover your pronouns above your head to avoid it. also correcting someone doesn't stop the discomfort it brings.

Is it really that big of a problemo? I honestly don't see the issue here. If someone misgenders you just correct them and move on.

Am I missing something?

Yes you are missing something. Being misgendered, even if by accident, can cause extreme dysphoria in trans people and any step taken to avoid this is a step in the right direction.
 
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yes but real life doesn't have the option to hover your pronouns above your head to avoid it.



Yes you are missing something. Being misgendered, even if by accident, can cause extreme dysphoria in trans people and any step taken to avoid this is a step in the right direction.

I personally think you're overthinking this but Im also a CIS, straight, white, male, etc... so It really doesn't matter to me. Adios gracias!
 
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I personally think you're overthinking this but Im also a CIS, straight, white, male, etc... so It really doesn't matter to me. Adios gracias!

as you're a cis person i ask you to please listen to trans/nb people on issues that we face instead of debating us and telling us we are overthinking. these situations are not new to us.
 
I apologize if it sounded like I was trying to "debate the issue", I was only trying to make sense of the situation because I was confused. Personally, I dont care either way and I've already stated my thoughts so I'm just gonna move on.

You guys have a nice day :)

- - - Post Merge - - -

"it doesn't effect me so i don't see the issue"
Well yes, exactly
 
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It would be especially nice because it's difficult to assume someone's gender, especially if their profile/aesthetic doesn't signify their gender. I remember when I first became active here again back in 2016 I had a lot of people call me he/him because my user/sig aesthetic generally doesn't have many feminine traits.

I've always called people they/them instead of assuming their gender if I don't know them very well. Not that it offended me when people thought I was a guy but it's much easier to ask the person their preferred pronouns or simply refer to them as they/them instead of assuming :)
 
i like this idea. it's just a nice option to have for anyone who wants it and i don't see anything wrong with that. it may not affect me personally as much as it would with others but i'd still like the option to specify my own more clearly. and if it bothers anyone so much it would likely be an optional thing to fill out on the sidebar
 
I mean

The biography section.

I mean

For the gender section. To be able to type it out in the gender section if there wasn't an option to select the pronoun.

Or change the gender option to gender/pronoun option. Since in reality it doesn't actually have pronouns in it, it has male female or I think other and un-disclosed. That way also if someone doesn't know what pronoun is supposed to mean (like someone whose unfamiliar with that kind of stuff) they can select a gender option. I know that the whole she/her he/him they/them option is prob explainitory to most, but still have the male female and other options for those who want to use that.
 
In response to this conversation I also want to make something clear.

Bell tree forums is a big forum-based community. It is difficult to ask someone their pronouns before talking to them since you dont know who you will interact with and they may not want to explain 24/7. some people also may not understand the use of pronouns due to lack of knowledge when it comes to trans/nb people and it could lead to some... transphobic comments... (i.e. "my profile picture shows I'm CLEARLY a girl!!! So its she/her duh!!!! Why would you even ask that's stupid) while we are typically an inclusive community there is going to be an influx of new players who may not be so kind joining the site.

Having it in the sidebar makes it easier for EVERYONE. Misgendering a person can make them experience dysphoria as stated above or dissociate and that can be a very scary and dangerous thing!

One of the professors in my school created the first trans/nb care model and made it very clear we as a society need to incorporate this into our daily conversation. Misgendering someone then having to be corrected can be damaging to someone still coming to terms with their own identity and struggling to feel as though they "fit" the mold of their gender identity. (Although nothing is strictly for one specific gender) When meeting someone you should identify your name and pronouns and ask the same of the other person.

Being online allows us to show that information without asking. We can avoid misgendering someone all together! Skip that possibly upsetting step 100%.
 
I don't get why people would be against an option that makes other users more comfortable. Not to mention it would be easier than having to click on someone's page and read their About Me, or having to write pronouns elsewhere. I'm all for this feature!
 
I would be fine with having this as an option. As someone who is cisgender, it's not really something that affects me personally, but I always try to be aware of how I am referring to others when I don't know them. Even without taking into account the other gender identities that exist, it can be difficult to tell if a person is even male or female on an online forum. I don't usually spend much time worrying over things like that and generally just refer to a person by their name/username to avoid any potential confusion or offense, but I can see where this would be a nice option for those who are concerned about being misgendered.
 
I agree with Dinosourz. I usually refer to people by their usernsmes so it is not much of a problem for me. I completely respect those who would want this though. In my opinion I think people are kind enough to usually try to refrain from assuming when talking and usually no one gets too upset with you if you accidentally called them by the wrong gender. I think adding this pronoun thing would be a bit weird telling people what to call them as they usually already know and people might abuse this feature by putting in somthing weird if you type whatever pronoun you want like "popcorn" and be more of a problem if someone called them by the wrong pronoun as they would think they did it on purpose. I am not against people who want this or anything, I just think it's not necessary.
 
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I'm not opposed to it but personally I feel like it's subtle for a couple reasons.

Bell tree forums is a big forum-based community. It is difficult to ask someone their pronouns before talking to them since you dont know who you will interact with and they may not want to explain 24/7.
While it's not so hard to assume it could make you uncomfortable when you're trans and misgendered, and also it could be awkward to explain those things to people unless it's to someone who you trust or being friends with, I think it should be resolved through interaction at the end of the day. I mean, if you haven't talked to the person and don't know about them, why would the pronoun matter so much that it cannot be they/them?
I understand gender issue is sensitive to those who're suffering from it, but everyone has something that's personal that they suffer from and hard to talk about. Those things should be solved always through interaction as this is "community". That's my opinion while I see it'd be convenient way.

Just ask them or say them they or their.
I mean
The biography section.
^ Short version of my opinion.

One of other reasons is, there are people assexual or non-binary. It may make them uncomfortable when there's a section that you need to write the pronoun to address their gender.
And the other reason is, this community has young teen menbers too. In my opinion, it isn't very static how they feel about their gender, and so far as I've seen, there seems to be really a lot of teens who'd see those gender issues like, fancy accessories or something to decorate their poor identity. I'm concerned that way because I used to be with someone like that. I mean, it could affect those teens wrong way.

Also. As working long as a system engineer, if the system is run by relational database and the members table doesn't have extra columns, you'd need to drop the table once, after exporting data, make the new table with new columns, import and restore the data. And run the program to check if there's anything missing. These process could take long hours depending on the size of data. So.. I feel like it's a bit of too much work when it's not something that's absolutely necessary, when there's biograpy section if you want people to know about you.

Sorry for the loooong post as always!;
 
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It would be especially nice because it's difficult to assume someone's gender, especially if their profile/aesthetic doesn't signify their gender. I remember when I first became active here again back in 2016 I had a lot of people call me he/him because my user/sig aesthetic generally doesn't have many feminine traits.

I've always called people they/them instead of assuming their gender if I don't know them very well. Not that it offended me when people thought I was a guy but it's much easier to ask the person their preferred pronouns or simply refer to them as they/them instead of assuming :)

I used to get a lot of he and they as well(depending on username(s) I had) which I honestly didn't mind cause it was more just amusing. Yes I'm a she/her but if you want to use others that's fine.

I do support this idea though of adding it, as long as you can type in what you want and not having a preset list because it would always exclude someone. And yes I do my best using they/them if I don't know them, or simply refer to usernames. However, while it is common courtesy to ask I think a lot of people are a bit shy cause some people do bite unnecessary back so, yeah.
 
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In my opinion I think people are kind enough to usually try to refrain from assuming when talking and usually no one gets too upset with you if you accidentally called them by the wrong gender.

it's already been established that people don't often check peoples' profiles. people generally won't blow up at you if you misgender them but that doesn't eliminate the hurt and discomfort it can cause.

and people might abuse this feature by putting in somthing weird if you type whatever pronoun you want like "popcorn"

i thought about this too, and i think the issue can be eliminated by having a set group of options:

  • he/him
  • she/her
  • they/them
  • he/they
  • she/they
  • he/she/they (or just label it as "any pronouns")

and of course an option to not display any.

people who use neo/"unusual" pronouns are generally fine with they/them since they realize their pronouns are difficult for people whose native language is not english.

One of other reasons is, there are people assexual or non-binary. It may make them uncomfortable when there's a section that you need to write the pronoun to address their gender.
And the other reason is, this community has young teen menbers too. In my opinion, it isn't very static how they feel about their gender, and so far as I've seen, there seems to be really a lot of teens who'd see those gender issues like, fancy accessories or something to decorate their poor identity.

asexuality has absolutely nothing to do with gender identity. i don't know a single trans person who would be uncomfortable with listing their pronouns and i've been heavily involved in the trans community for around 10 years, however if that happens to be someone's case then simply have the option to not list any.

also, i strongly disagree with "people use gender identities as accessories". people, especially young people still figuring themselves out, change their identity not through accessorizing it but through experimentation and realization. there is nothing wrong with changing the pronouns you wish to be called even if it's constant. experimenting with your identity is not harmful, it's more harmful to bottle up any feelings or confusion you have.
 
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Yeh hopefully people wouldn't be dumb and type in popcorn cause that's just lack of respect.

Also I think some people mean certain tumblrinas changing it everyday to popcorn just to mock others or because they think it's "cool". It's nothing wrong with figuring out yourself but if you're gonna change everyday to mock others or just because you think it's a "thing to wear" then no.

Maybe a list would be good yes if made as inclusive as possible. Also last but not least, respect each other both ways. Ask, and further learn to use one's correct pronoun, on the other hand don't get pissy if people do it wrong once or twice and don't bite people for it. Just politely tell them yours and just ignore them if they do it wrong on purpose.
 
it is unfair to assume people are changing their pronouns for fun even if they do change it everyday, we don't know their situation.

if a set list is infeasible and people end up using the section to make transphobic attack helicopter-esque jokes, make abuse of the pronoun section against the rules and subject to warnings/infractions.
 
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