Opinion on divorce

[Ghost Soda]

Personally I think getting divorced should be a couple's right. Yeah, watching their parents get divorced will always be hard on kids, but it'd be worse to force them to watch their parents act horrible to each other as their marriage implodes or stay with an abusive or generally toxic parent.

Then again, I don't really see much point in marriage anyway, so...

I think the reason the divorce rate is so high is because a lot of people get married very young and as they grow older they also grow apart. My sister is engaged right now and she's only 22. Love comes in many different forms, and you can find it without marriage.

I think it's way too young. I don't believe in traditional marriage anyway, for many reasons, but I think that it's a mistake to get married so young. Get married when you're in your late 20s or early 30s. It's never too late for marriage, either.

I know what you mean. I'm 20 myself and I honestly can't picture myself getting married any time in the near future. :'U

 

[watercolorwish]

how much it affects you depends on how close you are with your family. my mom and dad got a divorce last year and out of all 4 of my siblings including me i think i'm the least affected by it since i'm not family oriented or big into family stuff. and it wasn't our case but i feel like a divorce could go very smoothly if both parents were responsible and took it lightly so that the kids wouldn't be a big deal because it is just about the parents in the end and if they drag the kids into it (like fighting to keep one kid instead of having equal share times unless the kid says something about it) then it just becomes terrible. but i agree with what MozzarellaSticks said its different for everyone

 

[Romaki]

Don't stay together if you don't want to (but also don't rush into marriages with 20, it's pointless).
My parents aren't very happy together, but they just stay together because they don't know any different.
Got married with 20 after knowing each other for two years, thought they had to for family reasons.
They've been constantly fighting for the past decade and they genuinely don't like each other.
I don't think they're going to get a divorce, they're really faux religious. No church visits or praying, only traditions.

But yeah, don't make a commitment to someone you barely know.
The reason you fell in love with someone will be the same reason you start to hate them.
Make sure you know the worst parts of someone and that you still love them regardless.

 

[Miii]

Divorce is terrible for everyone involved, especially children. People should think harder about who they want to marry before they do it, and have higher standards. I think parents that put their kids through it are lazy, and would rather start over than have to put any actual work into improving their relationship (obviously I'm not talking about situations where physical abuse or things like that are involved).

Marriage takes effort from both people to work. You can't be a selfish *******, you can't say hurtful things even if they're driving you crazy, and you have to try your hardest to be a good person worthy of being loved by someone for the rest of their life.

 

[Tao]

You can't get divorced if you don't get married.

 

[nintendofan85]

After I get married (as it is something I plan on doing in my life), divorce is something that I personally want to avoid. I find cheating very shallow so I could never see myself cheating on my partner, but if they cheated on me, I'd sadly have to go for the divorce papers. You can't change people. I do realize that divorce is often used for broken marriages and when the two constantly fight (which is not advocated by my church; they believe that divorce only applies when there is cheating in the relationship), although if that happened to me, I'd personally want to see a marriage counselor before filing for divorce, although I'd honestly feel inclined to if marriage counseling did not help.
Overall, though, I honestly do see why the divorce rate is so high, even in cases where a marriage breaks down but cheating is not necessarily involved. However, it's when both happen at the same time that it's really bad.

- - - Post Merge - - -

Don't stay together if you don't want to (but also don't rush into marriages with 20, it's pointless).
My parents aren't very happy together, but they just stay together because they don't know any different.
Got married with 20 after knowing each other for two years, thought they had to for family reasons.
They've been constantly fighting for the past decade and they genuinely don't like each other.
I don't think they're going to get a divorce, they're really faux religious. No church visits or praying, only traditions.

But yeah, don't make a commitment to someone you barely know.
The reason you fell in love with someone will be the same reason you start to hate them.
Make sure you know the worst parts of someone and that you still love them regardless.

I will say this though...
My parents were in their thirties when they got married (my mom was 34 and my dad was 30), and at the time that my dad proposed to my mom back in 1996, they had only dated for seven months (they had started dating in May that year, and they were engaged in December, around Christmas that year). They then got married in May of 1997 (which is why they had their twentieth anniversary last month).
Anyways, where I was going with this was, even though I don't have a problem with getting married in your thirties (and certainly you have way more maturity at 30-34 than at 20-22, although, back in the 1950s, it was common to see teenagers get married, as my grandpa and grandma were 17 and 16, respectively, when they got married back in 1959), my parents had not known each other long at all, and they were complete strangers to each other prior to May 1996.
Anyways, I'm not going to lie, but my dad was not a good father. (He has been very abusive to me since 2008) I will say that he's been a better husband to my mom than a father, but they did get into a very bad fight back in 2005, after they had been married for just eight years over something completely stupid that my dad overreacted to, and it basically split them apart in late August and early September that year. My dad does have very bad back pain though (he first got it in 1988 when he was in college, and it started worsening after 1995 when he became a software engineer), but that's no excuse for his behavior. Unfortunately, his pain led him to get much angrier with both me and my mom starting in 2009.

 

[gravitycrossing]

if it needs to happen, let it happen. especially if the relationship is one sided. if your spouse was like, completely unwilling to try and make an effort to stay together, let them go & divorce.

 

[piichinu]

divorce is gud

my dad used to hit me and get mad easily but after divorce he faced consequences and learned his lesson and isn't a ***** anymore

 

[idiotdoomspiral]

my parents never had a divorce. they were never married and they broke up when i was about 8 months old so im kinda glad i didnt have to go through a divorce since my mom and dad agreed that it would have never worked anyway. as long as the mother or the father still see the children if they are not dangerous to them, then that hopefully makes things better.

 

[Annabloem]

I find it interesting to see so many people say they feel bad for the children, when the two posts I've seen from people saying their parents divorced say it improved their lives ^^

Of course, this is not true for everyone, but I feel like saying a divorce will definitely be harmful to children is just not true. I'm very thankful my parents divorced, because it made our lives (my brother's and mine) a lot better.

 

[skarmoury]

Agree with most people; divorce is *sometimes* necessary, even if it's a sad option.
Divorce hasn't been legalized in my country yet, which is becoming so hard for other people since toxic relationships are sprouting. Personally, I've seen that it's been hard on two of my aunts, since they both live separate from their husbands (the children are left with my aunts, not their husbands) and they have no way to get a divorce. I hate how divorce isn't legal here yet; the Philippines is such a religion-centered country and I can't bare to see toxic relationships continuing as is.
Personally, people can fall out of love no matter how early in life the relationship started. There are plenty of reasons to fall out of love or marriage; maybe your love was based on a whim. Maybe this isn't going to work in the long run. Maybe you just weren't the right person for me. Etc., etc., etc. I don't really want to put down people who married based on a whim and divorced later, because tbh no one really knows how well things in the future can turn out to be.

 

[jacjac]

It's interesting how within 1 generation, divorce has become so commonplace.
My parents divorced when I was about 3 (I'm 20 now). Never really known what a functional romantic relationship is like or should be. I don't think divorce is a bad thing, especially if the relationship is toxic and affects children.
Some of my first memories are of my parents fighting. My dad always caused a lot of issues and I'm pretty upset about how so many years of my life were taken up with so much pain and hate. I haven't spoke to him for 2 years and it's been the best 2 years of my life.
It is what it is. Just gotta deal with it and move on.

 

[hamster]

for me personally, i don't even see the point in marriage

 

[Miii]

for me personally, i don't even see the point in marriage

In the US, it's a legal status that lowers a couple's tax rates to put more money in their pockets because married couples are likely to have children. Of course, people don't just get married for that; it also shows that you're 100% committed to the person you love, and I think that's great as long as you're both sure you're right for each other.

 

[dumplen]

I think that it's sometimes necessary, like most people. All an unfortunate process, it can take forever to move through the court, even if the divorce is uncontested by either party, and sooo much money added on to all the other stresses of going through it :/

my opinion summed up in one word: poopy

 

[tifachu]

I don't agree that divorce is always a consequence of going into marriage too quickly. My dad became an alcoholic when he lost his job and it was taking such a toll on us children that my mum decided to divorce him so we wouldn't grow up in a toxic environment. It wasn't because she didn't love him anymore, but because after trying to help him get up on his feet again and again and constantly failing she choose to have us young children be happy/ in a good environment rather than have all four of us in an unhappy family.

I do think that this is largely because my father refused to get the help he needed so he was definitely at fault, but I'm very grateful that my mum made the decision to leave him so we could have a happy home.

you're right, i didn't mean always, but most of the time it is the case. actually my parents situation is very similar to yours, my father became unemployed after suing the company he worked for and delved deep into alcoholism, but thres also the fact my mother lived on the other side of the world in the Philippines, they couldnt spend time together and married him very shortly after meeting him in real life on one of his visits (not even sure if it was one visit or two LOL) i'm sure if she lived w/ him for a good amount of time prior to their marriage she would notice some alcoholic tendencies and know whether or not to actually get married... though if she did she probably wouldnt have been able to acquire a visa so easily

 

[tumut]

should be more widely celebrated

 

[hestu]

I think that divorce is definitely necessary in some instances. My parents fought most of my childhood up until they got a divorce, and life was much easier and more pleasant after that. They didn't rush into marriage too quickly; even though my mom had given birth to my older brother they still waited a few years to get married. They just stopped being happy together I guess, and while that was hard for me and my siblings I think we were all much happier with them getting divorced because there was no more arguing or fighting or whatever. While I think you should still try to work things out beforehand, obviously not everything can be worked out and marriage shouldn't about suffering and being unhappy. Still, I also don't think marrying too quickly is what causes divorce; though it may be true in some cases, my grandparents got married after some 6 months of dating and they're very happy together. Idk, it's a very tricky subject and it pretty much depends on the couple in my opinion, but overall sometimes divorce is necessary.

 

[idiotdoomspiral]

 

[Ichigo.]

I think it's necessary in some cases; no one should force themselves to stay with someone they don't enjoy/love being with anymore. It's unfortunate, but better than dragging things out for whatever reason. My parents got divorced when I was in elementary school, and I wouldn't say it was a product of rushing into marriage. My parents married, tried for a while to have children, and had me in their 30s. I'd say that's well past the rushing into things and being young and immature stage. I honestly don't remember much around the time of their divorce, but I remember them fighting and it wasn't fun. I'd hate to imagine a kid being subjected to their parents staying together only to argue. Now, my parents get along well enough. They still talk, and there's no more ~bad blood~ There have even been psychological studies that have found better outcomes for kids with divorced parents as compared to kids who grow up in a nuclear family but with unhappy parents. Not the best outcome obviously, but it happens.