Opinion on divorce

[BambieTheMayor]

That's a really deep topic, but at the same time it's good to get deep every once in awhile.

I am okay with divorce when it comes to the significant other cheated on you or assaulted you in some way, however it slightly angers me when they divorce simply because they aren't in love any more. If this was, per say, really true love, you would probably stay together till the end. If you are just going to "fall out of love," then why would you marry them in the first place?

I'm sorry if this offends anyone but this is my opinion. I will not debate with anyone else as I will respect their own opinion.

 

[forestyne]

You can't get divorced if you don't get married.

yes.

 

[Mr. Cat]

I don't agree that divorce is always a consequence of going into marriage too quickly. My dad became an alcoholic when he lost his job and it was taking such a toll on us children that my mum decided to divorce him so we wouldn't grow up in a toxic environment. It wasn't because she didn't love him anymore, but because after trying to help him get up on his feet again and again and constantly failing she choose to have us young children be happy/ in a good environment rather than have all four of us in an unhappy family.

I do think that this is largely because my father refused to get the help he needed so he was definitely at fault, but I'm very grateful that my mum made the decision to leave him so we could have a happy home.

Honestly, I love that you've mentioned this because this most often is the case. Either that or they get too comfy after many years and stop caring or get abusive. I know plenty of people in healthy relationships who got married within months of knowing each other. Not that I condone that, but it works for some people. I personally wouldn't even marry my current partner (though we've been together for years and have a baby) because he has a strong history of substance abuse (alcohol) and grew up in a very abusive household. I just want to be 100% sure that if he would pick up a bad habit again, I could escape it if I had to. If he slips up at little, I don't give up, but if things were to get out of control I'm not going to put myself or especially my child in that situation.

 

[karixia]

Man some posts calling parents bad people for divorcing and saying that always fighting isn't enough for divorce...
My mom has had two divorces and I fully support them all the way
My biological father started off amazing for my mom, but things went sour and my entire childhood was listening to them scream at each other from upstairs, when they finally got a divorce it was one of the best days of my life
My moms second marriage, the husband became super lazy and would not help out at all, and was incredibly mean to us (children)
Again, happiest day of my life when they got divorced.
Why on earth do some people want to stay in a bad relationship?? I don't understand that mindset at all, but then again I don't understand marriage in general
After the divorces my mom is so much happier and so much less stress, she has more time to love herself and her children, in no way is she lazy at all-- she is a single mother of 4 and works full time

 

[Princess Mipha]

If things won't work out anymore, you should divorce.
My parents divorced two years (or so) ago, since my Mom cheated on my Dad,
whatever long story short: if you have a reason to divorce, it's good that it "exists".
What I hate about it tho, is that sometimes parents want you to choose a side.
It's so stupid. I never chose a side and they made me go crazy to always try to
"pull me to their side".. divorce is something between two people, the kids should
not suffer even more by needing to choose a side that hard

 

[Rabirin]

Honestly, I don't really have an opinion as I feel like it's none of my business, but I guess I can't really say until i've been through it myself tbh.

 

[Bunny D.va]

As someone who wished her parents would divorce since I was a kid...I think that if the relationship is toxic you shouldn't stay together, even if you think it would be better for the children. Because I can guarantee you that it's not. I do think some people are silly for divorcing, but that's why I don't want to get married until I've been with my boyfriend for at least 4 years to make sure that we truly love each other and don't just get married because it's expected of us. I honestly think divorce is a good thing for people because if you fall out of love or feel trapped in an abusive relationship, there really isn't as much stigma as there use to be. I just wish people wouldn't hate on those who get divorces. It's not a bad thing to leave something that isn't benefitting you.

 

[Yuckaiju]

I'm not getting married until cats and dogs have the same right!

 

[KaydeeKrunk]

Divorce can be sad but it's very necessary. A lot of people get married too fast and regret it soon after, or something happens and the people don't want to be married anymore, sometimes the spouse can be trapped in an abusive relationship and need to leave as well. It's nice that in this day and age it's more acceptable and achievable since women have jobs and can be independent, back in the day people were stuck in crappy and unhappy relationships because they wouldn't be able to survive on their own. So I think divorce is good in some ways. But it's also crappy that people just get married on a whim sometimes which makes divorce rates a lot higher than they need to be.

 

[Annabloem]

Honestly, I love that you've mentioned this because this most often is the case. Either that or they get too comfy after many years and stop caring or get abusive. I know plenty of people in healthy relationships who got married within months of knowing each other. Not that I condone that, but it works for some people. I personally wouldn't even marry my current partner (though we've been together for years and have a baby) because he has a strong history of substance abuse (alcohol) and grew up in a very abusive household. I just want to be 100% sure that if he would pick up a bad habit again, I could escape it if I had to. If he slips up at little, I don't give up, but if things were to get out of control I'm not going to put myself or especially my child in that situation.

Yes, someone with a history with alcohol abuse does have a stronger chance to go back to it, unfortunately. I hope for you and your child it doesn't happen And it's good that you know it beforehand. Apparently my dad had some serious depression issues in his teens but wilfully hid this from my mum when they met (as did his family, who turned on her big time when she divorced my dad for out sake)
Like you said, I'm super grateful my mum got us out of that situation and I hate it when people claim divorce is wrong, because I'm 100% sure that she made the right choice, even though it must have been super hard for her.

I hope you'll never have to make it!

 

[Celestefey]

Sometimes it's necessary. The reason people didn't divorce in the past is because it was just unheard of. It doesn't mean people weren't unhappy in their relationships back then, they were just forced into staying together. Obviously every relationship will experience troubles but it's down to you and your own mental capacity as to whether or not you feel like you can cope with it or not. Personally I don't think divorcing is wrong, I think it's only natural for a human being to have many romantic relationships in their lifetime, much like how we have many friendships with other people that fade out over time.

 

[mermaidshelf]

I think it's sometimes necessary. I wish my parents would get divorced. I don't know why my mom stays with my dad even though he's a terrible husband and an even worse father. Honestly, I think about how great my life could've been if my mother had left my father. He abandoned us for several years when I was really young and people would often ask me how I was handling such a terrible thing but in my mind I was super happy. He never contributed anything positive to our family and he continues to be a leech. He doesn't work, he doesn't do chores, he loves to emotionally abuse me (his favorite pastime) and it wasn't until I moved out that I stopped being depressed. I'd rather two people get a divorce and live better lives separated than have to live a miserable life together. I think even my deadbeat dad could've had a better life if they got divorced. He'd could work for himself and learn to take care of himself and maybe become a better person. I know more people who are miserable in marriage than unhappily divorced. All the divorced people are either happy or sad but not as tortured as when they were married. Some people think of marriage as an excuse to stop trying but marriage is hard work and both parties need to put in effort or it won't work out.

I saw some discussion on why the divorce rate is so high in America. First of all, when looking at many other countries and cultures, you'll find people stay together even when they're unhappy. It's like how we used to be in the past, we had no other option. Getting married in the US is quite an easy process. You can go to city hall and have it done. You can even go to Vegas and do it right in a licensed chapel. People rarely want to get divorced. It's expensive, you need to get lawyers involved and it can be embarrassing (who wants to admit they couldn't work it out?) but there are many valid reasons for divorcing. I think in America, there's a huge pressure to get married. People are shocked when they find out that I don't have any intention of ever marrying and they always try to change my mind or say that I'll change it eventually. I can imagine that same societal pressure pushing people who didn't want to get married to do so and they discover they don't want to be married. Some people idealize marriage because of what we've been taught and fed and when the reality differs, they want out.

 

[pinkbunny]

It is very upsetting and can be really hard on families but most of the time it's for the best. As a child of divorced parents I most certainly saw a positive change to my parents moods and outlooks on life when they first separated. It was hard to deal with but overall it was a good change because now they are both really happy.

 

[Jesusrey91]

My opinion is quite different than everybody else:

Whichever is the reason parents are fighting about, DON'T LET THEM DRAG YOU INTO IT.

Some parents going through a divorce DRAG THEIR CHILDREN INTO IT.

Yes, divorce is a decision that affects the entire family, but exploding with your kids and telling them about the MANY details of the MANY problems that generated the divorce (and the problems it produces), is not healthy for them.
Parents have to thoroughly think what they are going to cascade unto their children, otherwise you are messing them up for free.

Yes, children will have to make tough choices in the process, but parents should look out for them instead of use them as weapons against the other parent, or use them as excuse to generate a better outcome for themselves in the divorce process.

A divorce is A MARRIAGE falling apart, NOT PARENTHOOD falling apart. Parents should fight all they want between them, but they should leave their parenthood (and their soon to be ex-husband/wife's parenthood) pristine and untouched. Divorce is hard enough, no need to drag everyone into unnecessary uncomfortable feelings.

And yes, my rant is from experience, I still get uncomfortably angry and anxious at both my parents... Thanks for messing me up mom and dad

 

[helenkeller]

sometimes it needs to be done
ik people who are stuck w kids and that's why they stay lol
( 20 and theyre not married but... the kid makes her stuck)

 

[lostineverfreeforest]

Better than staying together and being unhappy.