Metal Scorpion
Senior Member
While I know I'm either pan or ace, which I use interchangeably, recently I'm having a bit of an identity confusion.
Sexual Orientation & Gender Identity Support Thread
- Thread starter Chris
- Start date
Lady Timpani
sway
Ah if it helps you feel any better I can understand this perfectly.
Recently I've been questioning again as well because I'm honestly not sure if I'm attracted to men or if I feel like I should be. Try not to stress too much about finding the perfect label for yourself. Besides, you could be both! 
Here we go, I'm finally posting in this thread!
…So, it's pretty obvious from my avatar for anyone who knows most LGBTQIA+ flags ;p
But I'm a nonbinary demiromantic ace lesbian! (yes i know it's kinda long lmao, but i find it funny how i've got four whole flags)
Another funny thing: up until a bit more than a year ago, I knew nothing about this part of my identity! But then, after wondering about being ace for probably at least one month and a half, I stumbled into a Discord server that helped me bloom into the person I am today. And I'm very grateful for all the lovely people in it! <3
Also, when I first found out I was nb, I had a very clear idea of my gender; but it seems like after this discovery, my gender felt too overwhelmed by the possibilities and it had an existential crisis — cause rn i just have, no idea what it is lmao
And if you've read my user title you've probably noticed, but in addition to they/them I have neopronouns I've made up myself! It's a mix of she and they, and while I'm not sure about actually asking people irl to use them, I still like them a lot :3
…So, it's pretty obvious from my avatar for anyone who knows most LGBTQIA+ flags ;p
But I'm a nonbinary demiromantic ace lesbian! (yes i know it's kinda long lmao, but i find it funny how i've got four whole flags)
Another funny thing: up until a bit more than a year ago, I knew nothing about this part of my identity! But then, after wondering about being ace for probably at least one month and a half, I stumbled into a Discord server that helped me bloom into the person I am today. And I'm very grateful for all the lovely people in it! <3
Also, when I first found out I was nb, I had a very clear idea of my gender; but it seems like after this discovery, my gender felt too overwhelmed by the possibilities and it had an existential crisis — cause rn i just have, no idea what it is lmao
And if you've read my user title you've probably noticed, but in addition to they/them I have neopronouns I've made up myself! It's a mix of she and they, and while I'm not sure about actually asking people irl to use them, I still like them a lot :3
oh gosh i hope my mom doesn't see this, she's on this forum lmao i'm not out yet
so i'm still kinda wondering if i'm bisexual or a lesbian? i definitely like girls, no question! but i'm unsure about the boys part. i do find a lot of boys cute/handsome but i would never want to have anything romantic/sexual with them. when i picture my future, i always picture myself with a wife. but when i was younger, i had a lot of crushes on boys. and i do find some boys attractive but only the ones that are unavailable to me (celebrities, gay, in a relationship) so i don't know if i just feel obligated to like boys and henceforth choose the unavailable boys..
okay sorry for my identity crisis right here i'm gonna click send now
so i'm still kinda wondering if i'm bisexual or a lesbian? i definitely like girls, no question! but i'm unsure about the boys part. i do find a lot of boys cute/handsome but i would never want to have anything romantic/sexual with them. when i picture my future, i always picture myself with a wife. but when i was younger, i had a lot of crushes on boys. and i do find some boys attractive but only the ones that are unavailable to me (celebrities, gay, in a relationship) so i don't know if i just feel obligated to like boys and henceforth choose the unavailable boys..
okay sorry for my identity crisis right here i'm gonna click send now
pitchtheripoff
Pierce Fanboy
tbh i feel the same way about girls
i think i'm attracted to them but i never really wanted to do anything with them romance-wise, unlike boys which i would basically die for.
it's extremely confusing but i think i'm getting it together, and i hope you do too! it's always hard to figure this stuff out so i honestly don't blame you.
i call myself bisexual panromantic and yet i feel like i could be just gay
nintendoanna
Senior Member
i just wanted to share that i luv women ;; that’s all have a great day everyone LOL
aw this really hits hard for me. i’m also from a religious family; my parents are immigrants from ukraine so they have a traditional mindset. i cant even imagine being out to them; i was dating a girl for over a year and they had no clue lol they just thought we were bestfriends—i mean a pro to that is all the sleepovers ! haha. but wow 4 years! you gotta be strong for that and i hope things work out where u can be yourself around your family. good vibes 
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aw this really hits hard for me. i’m also from a religious family; my parents are immigrants from ukraine so they have a traditional mindset. i cant even imagine being out to them; i was dating a girl for over a year and they had no clue lol they just thought we were bestfriends—i mean a pro to that is all the sleepovers ! haha. but wow 4 years! you gotta be strong for that and i hope things work out where u can be yourself around your family. good vibes
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ReanimatedSorceress
Local Monstergirl
Wanted to revive this thread and say that it's totally ok to change your labels as you learn more about yourself and grow. Many of us didn't really get the chance to know our real selves at a young age in any way.
I identified as agender for a few years before coming to the realization that I was actually rejecting gender entirely because I didn't understand my own. I am not saying this is the case for all Non-binary people, but it was in my case. Turns out I was a trans woman all along, though I do still attach the Non-binary label to myself as well. Your gender, your sexuality, and every other descriptor about yourself is mutable as you grow and learn and experience, please don't let anyone ever take that away from you.
I identified as agender for a few years before coming to the realization that I was actually rejecting gender entirely because I didn't understand my own. I am not saying this is the case for all Non-binary people, but it was in my case. Turns out I was a trans woman all along, though I do still attach the Non-binary label to myself as well. Your gender, your sexuality, and every other descriptor about yourself is mutable as you grow and learn and experience, please don't let anyone ever take that away from you.
DeltaLoraine
Alwin from Riverstone
I'm was in the same boat! I had crushes on boys when I was young, but whenever I learned that the feelings were mutual I would run and hide and avoid them at all cost. Idk what was wrong with me...I think maybe I just liked them a lot as friends and didn't want things to go further? But I loved being around them and wanted to be close, so it was a strange thing to figure out for myself.
Now that I'm in college I've realized all the times I've had crushes on girls in my past, and I find myself way more attracted to them than I do guys. Even in my head, I picture myself with a wife way better than I do a husband. But part of me can't deny that I've liked guys before. So even though I believe I'm a lesbian, I feel deep inside that I must acknowledge my past, so now I'm a fully expressed bisexual (I just consider myself more of a gay bi than a straight bi).
And I totally get the parents thing. It can be really scary to open up after they've known you as straight this whole time.I came out to my mom first because I expected her to accept me, but turns out she doesn't think bisexuality exists....So then i got too nervous to tell my dad who in the past has been a very traditional man. But after 4 more months, I managed to get enough courage to tell him about my sexuality, and he accepted me wholeheartedly! He was proud of me for telling him and was happy that I found out who I was. I literally cried haha. Needless to say, there's a reason I'm closer to my dad than my mom now
xSuperMario64x
call me Bug 🇨🇦💜🐛
Stuff like this is why I'm so afraid to go into a relationship with someone because I feel like that's expected. I've mentioned here before but I'm ace so if I ever started dating someone then they wouldn't get anything like that from me. I haven't yet met anyone who legitimately wants to be w me and I'm slightly scared that I'll just be alone forever lol T___T
Bread Kennedys
Oyasumi.
Update: It turns out I'm not just a crossdresser after all! I'm a trans woman and I feel more comfortable with talking about this now. I've been thinking it for awhile, even back when I made the crossdressing comment but I never felt comfortable with talking about it. Question: should I come out to my mom about this? I know my dad wouldn't be very accepting, but I was wanting to know if it's worth trying to talk to my mom about it. I used to think she was very transphobic but after recent interactions with her, I'm not so sure what she thinks and feels. Is there anything I can do to determine if I should talk to her about this?
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Cosmic_Crossfade
•~You are my sun, moon and stars~°
Mar 27 2020:
Plenty of new users have joined The Bell Tree lately and among them I've already interacted with many members of the LGBT+ community so giving this thread a formal bump.
A support thread that lacks support is simply sad. Love is love. Let's celebrate it and encourage one another; not tear each other down. In the words of the iconic RuPaul Charles: "If you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love somebody else?"
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If you don't feel you can abide by these terms then please do not post. Disagreements are not a reason to instigate WW3. This is meant to be a supportive environment, so let's keep it so. In some cases it is wiser to agree to disagree. If you feel yourself getting angry I strongly advise you to take a break from your computer for an hour or so before replying - or simply to not respond at all. Users who repeatedly try to disturb the peace will be dealt with. Please use the Report Button rather than directly engaging obvious trolls or aggressive users yourself.
This is a very precious thread
Sending love and light to everyone here!
Eep, I wish I could magically change my parents' minds about, well, almost everything so I could just come out and not worry about being outed.
Also, since I can't really be
bishrekual irl, I like to reference that I am a lot online, but sometimes I feel like I'm forcing it onto other people.
Also, since I can't really be
bishrekual irl, I like to reference that I am a lot online, but sometimes I feel like I'm forcing it onto other people.Well, I don't know if I have much advice to give, but I think the most important thing is making sure you're safe before you do anything. If you know that you can be safe even if your mom ends up being unsupportive, then maybe instead of coming out all of a sudden, you could try to bring up the subject a few times first? I do realize it's easier said than done, but if you could know a bit more about her opinion on trans people it'd help you decide whether you want to come out to her.
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I never really formally came out to my parents. They always knew, and one time they caught me talking with a boy and interpreted it as me being gay, so it just kind of went from there. But it was a taboo subject and it was just easier for them to be oblivious towards my personal feelings. They always loved me for who they thought I was rather than who I really was.
I still haven’t said it, but I don’t think I need to. I left home in October 2018 and since then have gradually minimised communication. I’m hopeful someday things will be different but these days I don’t have time to deal with their ignorance and abuse.
But boy! How this thread has changed. I remember talking about being genderqueer for the first time and being berated for triggering people with that word, but I think that’s still how I feel? I get dysmorphic from time to time, but I owe a lot to my bisexual ex-boyfriend for showing me it’s possible for someone to love every side of me, whether that’s masculine or more effeminate.
I still haven’t said it, but I don’t think I need to. I left home in October 2018 and since then have gradually minimised communication. I’m hopeful someday things will be different but these days I don’t have time to deal with their ignorance and abuse.
But boy! How this thread has changed. I remember talking about being genderqueer for the first time and being berated for triggering people with that word, but I think that’s still how I feel? I get dysmorphic from time to time, but I owe a lot to my bisexual ex-boyfriend for showing me it’s possible for someone to love every side of me, whether that’s masculine or more effeminate.
ReanimatedSorceress
Local Monstergirl
I'm also on the "never came out to my family" train and most likely I never will, about either my gender or sexuality. It's just better for my safety and well-being if I don't. It makes me happy to at least see so many in this thread have been able to experience that positively.
Bread Kennedys
Oyasumi.
Well, miraculously I got an answer out of my mom despite only asking an LGBT-related question once. She said she would never kick any of her children out over something like that, and she thinks it's ultimately harmless despite not really understanding it. So I've pretty much got my answer. Thank you! I'm gonna try to come out to her as soon as I feel ready.
And yeah, I understand why a lot of you would never come out to your parents. I'm lucky that I have my mom, at least, but a lot of parents still unfortunately have crappy mindsets on the subject. I hope you all are able to grow and blossom one day like the beautiful flowers you are! And if any of y'all ever need to vent or want someone to talk to about these sorts of topics, my VMs/PMs/Discord DMs are always open~
ReanimatedSorceress
Local Monstergirl
Vent time? Vent time
I've been feeling more dysphoric than normal recently. I don't really know why, I get gendered more correctly at work even by customers than I ever have (I blame the mask lol). I just sort of always feel like no-one takes me seriously as a woman. I feel like even my friends are so attached to my previously perceived androgynous identity and I'm not sure what I have to do for people to shake it. I'm starting HRT soon, and I feel like that will help for sure, but I don't want people to wait until it's more convenient or it makes more sense to them to treat me as the person I am.
I've been feeling more dysphoric than normal recently. I don't really know why, I get gendered more correctly at work even by customers than I ever have (I blame the mask lol). I just sort of always feel like no-one takes me seriously as a woman. I feel like even my friends are so attached to my previously perceived androgynous identity and I'm not sure what I have to do for people to shake it. I'm starting HRT soon, and I feel like that will help for sure, but I don't want people to wait until it's more convenient or it makes more sense to them to treat me as the person I am.
Eep, I wish I could magically change my parents' minds about, well, almost everything so I could just come out and not worry about being outed.
Also, since I can't really be
I have the same problem! I’m so closeted at home that I end up talking about being bi way too much at school with friends and online. I don’t want to be annoying about it, but I can’t help it. It’s really hard to repress a part of myself that I’m so proud of, especially since I’m hiding it from loved ones at home. I don’t think I’ll ever tell them, at least not while I’m living with them. I’m not sure how they’d react and I do NOT feel like taking that gamble.
