Sexual Orientation & Gender Identity Support Thread

[xSuperMario64x]

i found out theres a more descriptive term for my identity: demigirl and demifemme. im not sure exactly how to describe my gender but i strongly identify as non binary while also feeling not entirely separate from womanhood and i didnt realize there was a more descriptive term for it. it feels really validating to know that many other people have similar feelings. obviously i dont need to prove my identity/sexuality to anyone but i kind of feel insecure about people who invalidate nb identities and also nbs validity as lesbians. its just nice to have a term that helps to explain how i feel a little better and also makes me feel more empowered to call myself a lesbian. ofc theres always people who will try to gatekeep, but it made me feel more empowered to find out the demigirl/femme label and i wanted to share

yay demi friend!! I'm demiboy meaning I'm non-binary but I'm also somewhat connected to masculinity/manhood, so because I'm nb and trans-masc I am demiboy. I'm so glad to see that you've found an identity that fits you

 

[Croconaw]

I only recently discovered the demi terms on a random discord server I’m in, of all places. I think I might look into some of the gender terms, if anything to shed some light. I identify strongly masculine. My grandma doesn’t even know that I’m into girls, but I feel like she’s just in denial at this point because someone can visibly look at me and see that I’m clearly not straight. I know first-hand you can’t judge someone based on their appearance, but I mean, come on.

 

[Drawdler]

I did not realise we have this thread. Do any other bisexual/biromantic users here have massive pendulum swings of what you’re interested in? I swear sometimes it feels like I’m becoming a lesbian but I honestly know I’m not, and other times it’s the opposite, I wonder if I really like girls at all but I ultimately know I do.

I think I mentioned this once- but for a little bit of time, I thought I was a biromantic homosexual because men down here dress and groom themselves horribly, which is extremely unattractive. Turns out it was that the men around me were unattractive, but I still think about that. It’s a strange feeling to be equally attracted to the people of each sex I do find attractive, but very rarely finding people in one sex who I find attractive. Like, take a man and a woman I find attractive, I’ll like both equally. Heck, I’ll probably like the man more. But finding that man under all the others? Nightmare. THIS is why I’ve never been the one to make the first move.

My gender is getting more confused to be honest. I kind of hate being a short girl because I want to present differently. I wanna be a cool boy. I don’t know how to explain what I mean. I mean, I want to present in a lot of different ways… Right now I keep thinking, “I wish I was Yoshida”.

I wanna be taller than this but not more than 6’ kinda tall. I wanna be strong and toned but not ripped. I wanna be able to be physically strong like a boy. But I still think of myself as a girl sometimes and I wouldn’t want to give up having that side of my identity. I want to be more “cool” instead of cute and not fight to present myself that way or be taken seriously, as such a short woman I can’t help it. People think I’m “cute” and I don’t like that because it makes me feel more dependent or pitied and I have bad experiences with people just… not taking me seriously. It’s cool if I surprise people sometimes, but it feels constant. It’s exhausting. I’d like to be pretty but not in such a girly way,

What’s worse is that I love love love having long hair. Like, it goes down to my thighs kinda long. I wouldn’t give that up, at least in this body and I don’t really think I look good or at least in this body, nor do I feel right with short hair. It probably looks best at my waist. But you have long hair and people see it as feminine. Lame.

If gender is a spectrum I feel like a boy with a woman’s side if that makes sense. I really should just declare myself bigender. I talked about being bigender offhandedly on another topic, but the more I think about it since, I feel better thinking of myself as a man. I named myself “Lesbian King” on some Discord servers which just seems like a joke to others there, ‘cause they aren’t in on all of this. But to be honest, there’s a lot of truth in that nickname, as tongue-in-cheek as it is, as much of a joker as I am. I love how oxymoronic it is, I’m not even lesbian, but it fits some of my chaotic gender confused amorphous energy.

I spoke about this to my partner a bit but they don’t really know anything about gender, they’re just supportive, but they can’t really solve more for me and aren’t sure what to ask or do. I spoke to them about how I don’t like being a girl and the feeling that I can’t feel as secure as I want doing things on my own and I think that really made my partner feel down. They wouldn’t really say more to me but they told me they were sick (which they have been, but they stopped speaking so suddenly after that). Feels like more was wrong. Sometimes talking to my partner is just too hard or I feel guilty over it.

But hey, when I do think of myself as a man I have a name for that. Emile. Fits my ingame name too. I wouldn’t even have to change my name from Emmy if I ever decided to transition. It’s even more confusing because I don’t feel like I want to transition. To be honest, I think my physical body is never going to be what I want. And even I find it cute, but that’s just not who I want to be physically. I’ve even gone trying to be fit, I had abs, I eat good. After that I ended up anemic and realised how physically weak I am.

 

[Croconaw]

@Drawdler - I’m definitely not bisexual so I can’t comment on the first part, but I can understand what you mean about your gender.

For me, I kind of feel like a female (I think?) with a 99% masculine side, so much that if I’m mistaken as a male (which happens all too often) I feel good about it. I’m strictly using she pronouns on here, according to my profile, but I’m honestly fine with being referred to as “they/them.”

The more I’m mistaken as a male, and feeling the way it makes me feel when someone calls me a male, it makes me question a bit. I don’t want to go as far to transition, but I keep wishing my name was more gender-neutral.

Currently, my real name is only a female name and can’t be used for males. I’d prefer something more androgynous. I don’t want to go way back and forth on my gender though, especially online, because I don’t want to confuse people. It’s definitely something I’m thinking about, though.

Changing my name is something I feel very strongly about, though. I even have a name that feels more me, I guess. I haven’t told anyone. I kept it to myself.

I wouldn’t worry too much about your hair. Hair length doesn’t determine gender. It’s not the 1950s. My aunt actually had me convinced that Michael Jackson was a girl for the longest time because he had long hair. She was a bit, delusional, to say the least. Of course, I was young and wasn’t thinking for myself at the time. Thinking for myself was something that I did struggle to do, but I’m getting better at it.

 

[Croconaw]

My apologies for the double post, but I’ve been really digging deep into some gender terms. There seems to be a lot, but this is the one I’m resonating with:

Paragender is the feeling very near one gender and partially something else which keeps you from feeling fully that gender.

Paraboy, paraman, paramasculine – a person who identifies mostly as a boy, man, or an otherwise masculine gender, but not entirely. The masculine part makes up 51-99% of their gender.

I’ve been sort of thinking about this, and paramasculine is the sub-term I have been resonating with. I’ve been holding off posting here until I was more confident with this term.

The thing I’m not 100% on is the pronouns, but I guess I’m cool with either. I guess they/them is the more neutral term and wise to avoid going back and forth until I am 100% I guess, like I stated in my post above. I didn’t even touch the pronouns field on my profile in the longest time.

This sounds more like a blog post which wasn’t my intention, so I’ll just stop it right here, lol. I just wanted to give an update on where I’m at basically.

 

[Drawdler]

Tbh I just want to make a small post and give a shoutout to Testament from Guilty Gear. I feel like not a lot of people here would be into Guilty Gear but Testament is canon enby who uses they pronouns

I already had a certain attachment to this character for unrelated reasons but the more I questioned my own identity and just went through certain things it deepened my appreciation for them

Bridget and Haehyun have some themes of gender (not the same but feel free to look into them more if you’re curious) and iirc Venom is canonically gay (if not, it’s VERY VERY strongly implied that he is, I think the Wiki said it was confirmed im too tired lol)

 

[pottercrossing]

I know I posted on this thread a while ago about my gender/sexuality, but here’s an update as to how I identify now. Firstly, I feel like I’m a mix of bisexual and pansexual. I’m pansexual in the sense that I’m attracted to all genders, but I’m bisexual in the sense that I have a preference to a specific gender. It’s always a job explaining that to people. Second, in terms of gender, I identify as demigirl, meaning I sometimes identify as female and sometimes as genderless. And no, it’s not the same thing as being genderfluid. Being genderfluid means that you transition between all genders not just two. I haven’t come out to my family yet because I’m literally the only LGBTQ+ person in my family, isn’t that nice? And like half the family seems to have a problem with the LGBTQ+ community, and even though it’s mainly about me reading books about the subject (I’m 16 for crying out loud, half my friends are LGBTQ+, you think I haven’t been plenty exposed to this already?!), and not about the people, I still can’t be too sure. The only people who know are a few of my besties and now, the TBT community. I don’t think I’ll tell them until I’m an adult and free from their control.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

I know I posted on this thread a while ago about my gender/sexuality, but here’s an update as to how I identify now. Firstly, I feel like I’m a mix of bisexual and pansexual. I’m pansexual in the sense that I’m attracted to all genders, but I’m bisexual in the sense that I have a preference to a specific gender. It’s always a job explaining that to people. Second, in terms of gender, I identify as demigirl, meaning I sometimes identify as female and sometimes as genderless. And no, it’s not the same thing as being genderfluid. Being genderfluid means that you transition between all genders not just two. I haven’t come out to my family yet because I’m literally the only LGBTQ+ person in my family, isn’t that nice? And like half the family seems to have a problem with the LGBTQ+ community, and even though it’s mainly about me reading books about the subject (I’m 16 for crying out loud, half my friends are LGBTQ+, you think I haven’t been plenty exposed to this already?!), and not about the people, I still can’t be too sure. The only people who know are a few of my besties and now, the TBT community. I don’t think I’ll tell them until I’m an adult and free from their control.

have you considered the term omnisexual? it's basically the same as pan except it's not "gender blind", aka gender does somewhat play a role in preferences even though you're technically attracted to all genders.
also as for your gender identity, that sounds a lot like bigender (aka fluctuating between two different gender identities). whether these labels are correct or not is up to you to decide, but I figured I would throw them out there since that sounds like what you're describing

regardless of how you identify, I'm always happy to see people making self discoveries on their LGBT+ status



as for how my life has been going. it's heckin great yall. I've been in a relationship for almost a week now and this person is so near and dear to me. something I really really appreciate about him is that he's also ace (though not sex repulsed like I am, but he's really not into that so yay). I've always kinda been afraid to be in a relationship since it would have to be strictly be quasi-platonic or romantic and as msot of you prob know, ace people are few and far in between. I'm so grateful that I found someone who is also ace so that expectation will never be there.
also so my SO is a trans guy, and honestly I feel really comfortable w that because we're basically both trans-masc so we can really relate in that way, plus we deal with similar issues and so we better understand each other. he's also very accepting of the fact that I'm aro and I'm not as openly lovey dovey as he is, and I appreciate that so much. I did have to explain what cupioromantic meant (not feeling romantic attraction but wanting to be in a romantic relationship) but he was totally fine w it after that. I really do hope our relationship ends up working out in the long term

 

[Drawdler]

Dang, I just came back, I got beaten to saying “omnisexual” lol. I might fall under that too, but I can’t say I have enough experience with enbies to know. As it is, I extremely rarely experience attraction to cis people, so I’d be overthinking and very, very heavily theorising. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Theoretically speaking- I don’t see why I would be unattracted to someone for being enby. I’m not cisgender myself. As for preferred gender? It shifts a lot with the day. But there’s a consistent bias to masc. I don’t even have experience dating girls… There’s probably a term for fluid attraction but this kinda just seems like normal bisexual confusion/shifts, I think it’s really common for that orientation. My real preference is like- prettyboys, I guess? Like men who just put in some effort to look good… also, suits and ties, suits and ties are extremely attractive. Yet when someone is just masc, that feels “plain” and more boring to me? I don’t want to sound judgemental, but eh. I know I’m more drawn to men, but not men who are outright rough/stoic and I find a lot of “attractive men” unattractive to me personally, it’s just that the kind of man I want is like finding a needle in a haystack…
To be fair, the omnisexual flag also goes really hard and I’ve never been completely satisfied with the shades on the bigender flag lol (pink, purple, blue is totally the right choice and even fits my aesthetic, but there’s something about the particular shades they used… especially the purple). That’s just more funny for me than anything though. I say I’m bisexual because it’s easiest and I’m happy leaving it at that, any other tags feel like fun theory for me. Not saying they’re invalid or anything, I just don’t need them for myself. I think I fit omnisexual, but I say bisexual because some people use bisexual as an umbrella term anyway, and more people know what it means.

I don’t feel like I need a term for this persay- but is there one for, well, needing a certain context, enough effort, etc. to experience attraction to someone?
As time goes on, I’ve always thought this, but I’m definitely demiromantic+demisexual. 100% at this point. I‘m only really physically attracted to someone with romantic attraction, and I’m only romantically attracted if I know someone and we have some history and context and special moments you know?
But even then it feels like I still need that to be kept up. I need buildup and anticipation to really feel attraction. I need to really feel a connection, some way or another. Libido isn’t the same as attraction, when I’m desperate I might get libido but it doesn’t change how finicky my attraction is. As long as I don’t go blaming partners or anything, it’s just a problem for me lol.

I also might be sapioromantic/sapiosexual, but it’s more about someone being able to articulate themselves than intellect, smarts, etc. I don’t think I feel attracted because I’m impressed at what someone knows, but instead, if they’re good at describing, solving, philosophy, introspection, etc.
It’s really sad but- my partner can’t articulate themselves well at all, I’m really trying to be patient and help them, but that... just makes it feel like a friendship instead of a relationship. If I can’t express myself intellectually with some real conversation and hear from them, it isn’t working for me. I don’t need them to find solutions for everything but… whenever we try to voice chat my partner ends up stammering and confused and more upset and stuff, it’s like trying to have those conversations makes it worse. I can’t help but feel at this point that if I don’t amicably end the relationship it’s going to end up with me bottled up and bitter. It isn’t fair for either of us. I am on a different page from my partner, it isn’t even like I move on by the time they catch up, they just don’t seem to catch up to where I was. Oversharing woo.

All of this sounds fairly theoretical. Woop

 

[Croconaw]

I’m still not close to finding a term for my sexuality. I’m perfectly fine with not having a label for it, but it seems I’ve gone back and forth a bit on it, lol. Only thing I know for sure is that I’m sex-repulsed, lol. This in itself makes finding someone difficult because most people just can’t live without it, if you catch my drift.

Also, I might be demi of some sort because it’s very rare I feel romantic attraction to a person unless we are really close. I’m not openly seeking any relationship either and I have no desire to be in one but I do experience and enjoy romantic attraction, at least in theory. As someone who hasn’t done anything or even been kissed, it’s kind of hard to say. It feels a bit weird saying that but it’s true. It’s like a taboo topic for me because I’m afraid people will think differently of me. Not on here, obviously, but just people in general. This forum seems pretty open minded from my experience.

Edit: Just fixing a typo.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

so uhhhh more self discovery is being made!

I think I may be demiromantic (big shocker I know). for anyone who doesn't know, someone who is demiromantic only experiences romantic attraction to another person after a strong bond has been formed. the longer I'm with my SO the more I find myself succumbing to romantic feelings which I don't experience with anyone else. I think maybe the phrase Cupioromantic still kinda describes how I feel, but I never really feel super vulnerable around anyone except for my SO (and maybe my mom ofc) and I would be totally happy holding hands in public and hugging (though the whole kissing thing is still a little to me lol, a cheek or forehead kiss would be fine).

besides that I am still firm in my belief, or better yet knowledge, that I am apothisexual. I have a feeling that's not gonna change at all. and I'm so glad I'm with someone who totally respects that

 

[QueenCobra]

Personally I don’t know how much I want to share (anyone who saw my AT&T post might know) but I’m glad this thread exists!
I pass as straight since I like men more than women, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like women!

I am a very feminine lady. I don’t say that in a mean or catty way, but gravitate toward a lot of “traditionally feminine” things. So I never had any issues with gender identity.

I like bigger guys. Not necessarily tall, but strong, yet soft around the middle (maybe a dad bod?). I also like chubby and fat men, and find some sumo wrestlers attractive. A lot of the guys I like tend to be older, but I like that. I’ve always been insecure about this preference. Some “friends” in school told me that a guy I liked was fat and looked like a pig in a wig. (Rude.)

I think my tastes in women are similar. I like women who are bigger than me in some way— not fat, but curvy. So a lot of them are older than me as well. I’m different in the sense, that I like a soft belly. I didn’t tell anyone about this when I was younger, but I think my “friends” still would have roasted it. Whatever. Though we still have a lot of progress to make, times are steadily changing.

 

[Drawdler]

Honestly, if we’re talking physical attraction, I’d love to date a guy as short as me (give or take 2 or 3 ”). But, I’m 5’2” so that’s a really rare thing /:

I really have trouble describing what I find physically pleasing (I say pleasing instead of attractive because I’m very demi)- good head of hair on anyone (there’s probably no wiggle room there unfortunately), I like men with some feminine energy ngl (“prettyboys” I guess), maybe I’d like a women a couple inches taller than me (never dated a girl, can’t say, just a hunch because I feel like I’d want to hug into another woman more than hold her- maybe I’m just going that way with men too but I can’t resist the image of holding a cute guy into me). Leaner body types are more my thing and facial hair is usually a miss (but, sometimes it’s seriously killer). Dating is strictly within 2-3 years of me in either direction.

As long as they stay clean and have some fashion without high maintenance, and they have an aesthetic I‘m into (business attire and musician are some good ones), then I guess I’m fairly open to different faces.

Voice matters a lot, I never think about it until I‘m listening, my current partner’s voice is kind of calming for me. Can’t really explain what voices I like, plus it should suit the person, like my partner’s voice suits them. I guess I like calming but not really soft voices.

This guy is way older than me but haha the singer from MGMT is a sort-of crush (maybe more like a squish or some sort of admiration or idol of aesthetics) so yeahhh that goes to show how little some of this means. He looks pretty young but I still wouldn’t date someone in their 30s at my current age. I grew up with my sister being several years older than me, it highlights the generational difference, I’m not open to that.

And y’know since I’m demi if I met people who looked how I want- and the rare times I have in the past- it was more a feeling of being excited they exist then getting any ideas about them, ‘cause they’re passersby. More like “yay, I was right!”, not developing a crush based on that. LOL.

Reflecting on my only big crush made me sure I’m demi… it’s a pretty lonely orientation knowing I have a feeling that COULD be met or awakened, even thinking i had it once and it never works out that way with my actual relationships.

 

[Croconaw]

With the people I have dated, and keep in mind these were all long-distance relationships, I haven’t had a preference. The people all looked decently different from each other but not too similar. I haven’t dated in a very long time and I don’t exactly have a desire to do so.

I have to say personality matters the most for me, but I’m just not that into dating, so what do I know?

 

[QueenCobra]

I’ve never been in a romantic relationship, but I wouldn’t call myself asexual or aromantic. I’ve always liked the idea of it, but I’m kind of a prude, honestly. I’ve reached the point in my life where I’m not ashamed to admit it. Sometimes I feel sinful, though logically I know my feelings are normal. Like I’m worried that since what I like is “outside the norm” I’m somehow wrong and deserve to be attacked. When I was younger, I had a lot of internalized biphobia, but I’ve improved. That being said, I’m still a work in progress.
As I said, I’m fascinated by the idea of it, but honestly I was a “late bloomer” when it came to even liking someone “that way” so who knows. (I have Asperger’s and anxiety as well.) I’m also quite sensitive and afraid of heartbreak. I used to think I was too ugly to love and this tried to work on my other traits— but this mindset wore me down. My confidence has improved since then, but personally, I don’t care if I ever find that “someone”. Either way, I’m fine.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

I’m truly gender neutral but I mark the male box on forms because it’s easier than trying to explain my views on gender. I’m attracted to men.

 

[Drawdler]

Huh. I was reading somewhere else to someone, that being agender meant they didn’t really think much about their gender. I know it’s subjective, I don’t really feel the same about my own, so that kinda settles for me that I am bigender. It really put in perspective how… agender isn’t exactly me. I just identify with both male and female, I do think/feel for both a lot, that’s it.

My partner called me king unprompted yesterday which made me happy

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

I like to refer to myself as being gender neutral because I don’t feel like I’m non-binary or genderfluid as I don’t feel or see myself as any one particular gender and actually just see myself as a person. It’s really hard to explain. I only dress like a male because it’s easier to do and I just wear clothes that are comfortable that either gender could wear. I don’t switch between genders and the only time I dress like a female is if I’m doing drag.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

day 397 of being openly trans-masc:

I was at a thrift store today and I got a pretty nice petticoat for $6, so ofc as soon as I got home I tried it on with one of my dresses that I haven't worn in a long time. when I was younger I didn't like dresses, but it seems like ever since I realized I'm not cisgender I've become a lot more confident in what I wear. well anyways so I'm walking around the house in this poofy green dress, living my best life. I've wanted a petticoat for a long time and this one isn't really fluffy bc it's pretty long, but it works!

when I went to show it to my mom, she was like "so you're a guy... wearing a dress?" and I just said " yeah?" there's nothing wrong w that. I love poofy dresses! if I had my own ballroom gown you bet I would be wearing it every weekend! just bc I'm nb/trans-masc doesn't mean I can't dress in a feminine way. I can dress however I want


(and it's funny how even after explaining to my mom 62920 times that I'm non-binary she still equates me being trans-masc to me being 100% men-identifying lmaoo)

 

[-Mars-]

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