Sexual Orientation & Gender Identity Support Thread

[Croconaw]

It makes me feel happy when little kids (younger than ten years old) refer to me using male pronouns. I heard a kid telling his mom that “I like his blue hair” referring to me. It’s so nice how little kids don’t form bigoted opinions and don’t make judgements. They don’t think twice about it. It made me smile. It’s just interesting to think about.

On another note, I made a pronouns page, but I have yet to link it publicly. I will eventually, definitely. I’m happy to have finally made one.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

so after going through a breakup I've thought a bit more abt my romantic orientation. I do still believe that I may be demiromantic, but the romantic stuff I'm willing to do is like... in a limited way if that makes any sense? like I love the idea of going out to eat and holding hands and watching shows together on the couch, but when it comes down to having to share a bed or the other person wanting a lot of physical affection, I get super uncomfortable and I just can't do that.

basically I don't really actually know how to describe it lol. I just hope that whoever I end up being with for a long time understands and respects my awkward situation.

 

[Croconaw]

This is something that I’ve been thinking about and it makes a whole lot of sense now… but back in 2011 when I first started to get into forums/online and stuff, I was literally a catfish. I’d tell people I was a boy because it felt nice to hear those pronouns when people refer to me. It made me feel like I was lying in a sense but being a male just felt right in my eyes.

When I was about eight my parents (my mom - who I barely talk to ever - and my dad) knew something was up but didn’t say anything and let me open up when I wanted to. I was at this one girl’s birthday party and all of the girls there had to change into sparkly dresses. In the group photo, I stood there with my arms out just wanting to cry. I had the face of “kill me now.” They both just came to the conclusion that I was a lesbian, which I’d thought for the longest time was the case. I haven’t mentioned this to anyone in real life because in the back of my mind I’m still not 100% (I don’t think?) but this is what currently feels right.

Anyway, just wanted to put this out here because I don’t think I was necessarily lying 10+ years ago, although it felt that way to me. So, yes, in real life I’m still a female that doesn’t wear name tags at work because people are already confused enough about my gender that my strictly-female name would confuse them even more. Although, name tags aren’t necessary at my current jobs.

 

[smug villager]

I consider myself non-binary or genderless but am most often perceived as a man these days after starting HRT. I think it's because the concept most people have of androgyny is just the absence of what are considered female characteristics. There's a whole host of issues with that from a feminist standpoint, but I am not really qualified to go into it.

Honestly, the more I reflect on it, I just have a problem with western society's concept of gender. Gender could have been a fun little thing if it wasn't so prescriptive. Growing up being raised as a little girl, I constantly felt like I was a square peg everyone was trying to force into a round hole, which seems to be a pretty universal experience, even among cisgender women and men, especially if they're LGBTQ+. There just aren't really many people who naturally fit the mold of "how a woman should be (eternally young and beautiful, but nurturing and a mother but only in the right way which is married in a way deemed acceptable, hairless, demure, innocent forever, kind, a good cook and servant, not too intelligent or too opinionated, etc)" or "how a man should be (stoic except for expressing anger, physically fit and willing to be violent on a moment's notice, hardworking always, doesn't require intimate friendships, etc)" and tick every box without trying. You can only make it work for you if you sand off your edges or redefine it for yourself.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

I've been out of a relationship for a few weeks now and it's kinda made me realize something. I think being aroace kinda blurs the line between platonic and romantic relationships for me, and I find that being really close friends with someone is just as fulfilling for me as being in an actual "romantic" relationship. I think if I ever do get in a relationship with someone I would like it to just be like a really strong friendship (or as one might say, queer-platonic relationship or QPR). I may still do "romantic" things like go to a movie or go out to eat, but those are things I would do with regular friends too so I don't even consider them inherently romantic. idk to me a partner would be someone who's a super close friend of mine, doesn't need the romantic label at all.

also i may still be demiromantic but it took me an embarrassingly short time to get over my ex considering I was with him for 2 months. I think that's the aro side of me saying "haha romance sucks" and just moving on.

 

[Croconaw]

I find that being really close friends with someone is just as fulfilling for me as being in an actual "romantic" relationship.

I relate to this statement. A close friendship may even be more fulfilling. I find that I’m affectionate towards close friends but only after a strong emotional bond is formed. Things never progress beyond a friendship, though. It makes me question if I may just not be into dating. I’m very open to affection in friendships but I’d have to be really close to the person, and it’s to the point where people assume I’m dating the person. It’s complicated for me.

 

[Lady Timpani]

How do you guys handle harassment? I got a dm on another site calling me slurs and saying I should die, the usual, and at first I was like "haha what a loser" but unfortunately it's still weighing on my mind a little. I'd hate for them to know that, though.

This is also part of the reason I'm afraid of actually giving online dating a whirl, I'm kind of terrified of matching with a dude posing as a woman.

 

[Croconaw]

There’s no best way to handle harassment. If the harassment is online, I’d say your best bet is to ignore them. I wish I knew of a way to not care what others think. I wish there was a simple solution to that, but there isn’t. You just have to learn to not care and understand that words only have meaning if we give them meaning.

Also, I wouldn’t close yourself off to the possibility of dating online, even meeting people online. You’d miss out on some pretty amazing people. You just have to give people a chance.

 

[Chris]

How do you guys handle harassment? I got a dm on another site calling me slurs and saying I should die, the usual, and at first I was like "haha what a loser" but unfortunately it's still weighing on my mind a little. I'd hate for them to know that, though.

This is also part of the reason I'm afraid of actually giving online dating a whirl, I'm kind of terrified of matching with a dude posing as a woman.

Absolutely report it. I can't speak for how all sites handle homophobia and death threats, but the three I help moderate (including TBT) don't tolerate it.

Your fears are definitely valid. Before meeting me, my partner met in-person with a man feigning to be a woman on a dating app. He had the audacity to act surprised when she immediately said she was leaving upon him introducing himself.

To minimise risk in case your date isn't who they described themselves to be (or if it is just going badly), always arrange to meet someone new in a public place. You are less likely to come to any harm if there are other people around. If in places that serve alcohol, there is sometimes a codeword or phrase written somewhere in the women's bathroom–usually stall door, above the sinks, or near hand dryer–for how to discretely ask the bar staff for help escaping a date gone wrong. Usually it involves asking for a specific fake bartender or drink. Although, I would imagine that even in places that don't utilise this system (everywhere should to be honest) that if you explain to an employee that you feel unsafe they would do whatever they can to help you out.

 

[Lady Timpani]

Absolutely report it. I can't speak for how all sites handle homophobia and death threats, but the three I help moderate (including TBT) don't tolerate it.

Your fears are definitely valid. Before meeting me, my partner met in-person with a man feigning to be a woman on a dating app. He had the audacity to act surprised when she immediately said she was leaving upon him introducing himself.

To minimise risk in case your date isn't who they described themselves to be (or if it is just going badly), always arrange to meet someone new in a public place. You are less likely to come to any harm if there are other people around. If in places that serve alcohol, there is sometimes a codeword or phrase written somewhere in the women's bathroom–usually stall door, above the sinks, or near hand dryer–for how to discretely ask the bar staff for help escaping a date gone wrong. Usually it involves asking for a specific fake bartender or drink. Although, I would imagine that even in places that don't utilise this system (everywhere should to be honest) that if you explain to an employee that you feel unsafe they would do whatever they can to help you out.

I did report it, and luckily it was taken seriously. It was a throwaway account that I know was only set up to harass people, so I feel dumb for even taking it a little bit seriously, but even so, it did kind of hurt.

Thanks for the advice! Public meeting is definitely something I have kind of advance planned for when I do join The Apps. I really wish my town still had a gay bar, I think that would honestly be preferable to apps even though bars aren't really my scene, but our local one closed down years ago, and I've tried searching for queer spaces on meetup but unfortunately haven't found any nearby me.

Post automatically merged: Nov 24, 2022

There’s no best way to handle harassment. If the harassment is online, I’d say your best bet is to ignore them. I wish I knew of a way to not care what others think. I wish there was a simple solution to that, but there isn’t. You just have to learn to not care and understand that words only have meaning if we give them meaning.

Also, I wouldn’t close yourself off to the possibility of dating online, even meeting people online. You’d miss out on some pretty amazing people. You just have to give people a chance.

I had kind of a bad experience with a guy friend when I was a teenager-- we were online friends and he had trouble respecting certain boundaries I established, and I think that's kind of colored my online relationships since, because I've definitely been more reserved and hesitant to get close to people online as a result. There are lots of cool people I've met since that I've wanted to befriend, but that experience is always in the back of my mind and holds me back a little. I'm slooooowly working on it, though, mainly on the site where I got the nasty dm lol.

 

[pottercrossing]

I'm baaaaackkkk!

Alright, let's make this quick.

Sexuality: Lesbian. This took me forever to come to terms with. Over the years, I have avoided the term lesbian solely because I still liked guys, or at least I convinced myself I did. I rotated through many terms in the last year and a half, bisexual, pansexual, omnisexual, biromantic, and omniromantic being the more prominent ones. The last guy I ever liked was my best friend, Caleb. Since then, I tried to convince myself I still liked guys, perhaps as a result of not wanting to disappoint my family if I were to come out, and that went on until mid-September when a fellow lesbian in my school's GSA (gay-straight alliance) helped me come to terms with the whole lesbian thing.

Gender: Demigirl. It means that sometimes I identify as female and sometimes as nonbinary/agender, something along those lines. But when I explain that to people, they say stuff like, "That sounds a lot like bigender," "Have you considered using the term bigender?" and "You know that the term bigender exists, right?" I am aware of all that, and the only reason I don't use that term is that whenever I tell people I'm bigender, they immediately say, "Oh, so sometimes you're a girl, sometimes you're a boy?" and I then have to explain the whole nonbinary/agender thing. Half the time, they still don't get it. So I use the term demi girl to avoid all that confusion.

Thank you for coming to my Ted-Talk, have a nice day.

 

[Croconaw]

So is anyone else AFAB (female at birth) but literally short and is self-conscious of their height? I’m starting to think the reason people think I’m 15 is because I’m passable as a male but 5’3” is extremely short for a male, whereas I’d probably appear older if I presented more feminine.

THE STRUGGLE.

 

[Metal Scorpion]

I recently came out as pan/demi-romantic (grey?) ace and felt a weight was lifted over my shoulder. After years of having trouble with where I was, I finally found an identity I was comfortable with.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

So is anyone else AFAB (female at birth) but literally short and is self-conscious of their height? I’m starting to think the reason people think I’m 15 is because I’m passable as a male but 5’3” is extremely short for a male, whereas I’d probably appear older if I presented more feminine.

THE STRUGGLE.

honestly tho I was at a thrift store today looking at men's blazers bc I really want a suit jacket and they're all so huge, it made me realize how actually tiny I am I'm also 5'3" and tbh I'm not self-conscious abt my height but it makes it incredibly difficult to find men's clothes that fit me. I tried looking in the boys section but they didn't even have any blazers there jxbgxysjw


I came here bc I was wondering if anyone knows of good reliable sources for trans exercise routines? while I was at the thrift store trying on a dressy jacket it made me realize how much I dislike my hips. it makes it difficult for me to wear men's clothes (and likewise, pass as a guy) and I would like to try an exercise routine that helps nb/trans guys get rid of hip fat without doing any kind of HRT (bc as it stands now I do not plan on doing that at all). I know that leg lifts and squats would probably help but idk much beyond that.

I usually don't bother looking up exercise routines like that bc they're generally aimed at women and helps them bring out their curves, which is literally the exact opposite of what I'm trying to do

 

[-Mars-]

-snip-

omg this feels like a huge relief knowing I'm not the only transguy/nb person who gets really bad gender dysphoria from my hips/err-not-so-masculine-body-shape
First of all, I read there is some clothing you can wear to hide the impression of big hips (like certain kinds of shorts or something) you should maybe look into that if your interested?
As for workouts I know of these but idk if this is what your looking for ?

Spoiler

idk Pinterest gave me these so...

 

[xSuperMario64x]

omg this feels like a huge relief knowing I'm not the only transguy/nb person who gets really bad gender dysphoria from my hips/err-not-so-masculine-body-shape
First of all, I read there is some clothing you can wear to hide the impression of big hips (like certain kinds of shorts or something) you should maybe look into that if your interested?
As for workouts I know of these but idk if this is what your looking for ?

Spoiler

idk Pinterest gave me these so...
View attachment 471941View attachment 471942View attachment 471943

during summer months I do wear cargo shorts and that helps hide it well, but during winter months when I wear jeans I don't have any pants that fit like that (most men's jeans are way too big or way too long, it's pretty difficult finding a pair that actually fits properly). maybe I need to go pants shopping soon, hopefully I can find something.

also that might work, I think I've seen those particular pics before but they're worth a shot. I appreciate you sharing them w me

 

[-Mars-]

---

 

[axaniao]

what I'm REALLY confused about is my sexuality

for the longest time i thought i was just gay but I'm really not sure now?? I don't really tend to feel physical attraction towards people, unless I'm already dating them. you could say "demisexual", but in my last relationship i didn't really have sexual attraction most of the time. aceflux demisexual?? possibly, though since I'm plural that could be why I'm extremely confused about that part, IDK

Anyway, on top of that i don't actually KNOW if I'm gay?? When I thought about my last partners and what would happen if they transitioned into a girl, I didn't mind it. It's just the fact both of my past relationships and all my "crushes" were guys. Also, I have never had a crush on anyone irl. It was only online. Which confuses me even more. I also wonder sometimes if what I was feeling was even romantic attraction at all. I feel like I may have been idealizing them at many points but I can't tell. The fact I'm plural and the fact I'm mentally ill makes figuring out my sexuality SO MUCH MORE difficult than it should be. When I try to imagine myself in a relationship with a girl (fictional) it doesn't feel right, i tend to only have male fictional crushes. Of course fictional character attraction is different from real life people attraction but still AAUUUHH?? idk if I'm bi with a male lean, gay, aroace, pan and demiromantic or what???

I Know i have plenty of time to figure it all out but its kinda frustrating that this has to be so complicated!!! Lol

 

[Croconaw]

My struggle is my chest because I’m definitely not flat chested, but my sports bra makes them less noticeable. Although, it’s not too noticeable with the shirts I wear. I never thought about the pants, but outside of work, I always wear track pants. I like the Adidas ones with the zippered pockets. I prefer the athletic fit.

 

[oddbear]

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