Tell Me a Joke.

Draco said:
this in not a politcal comment thread it is a joke and funny happens thread. please stay on topic.
Click to expand...

Except my comment was a joke.

Who are cats going to vote for in November?
Hillary Kitten.


Why won't Hillary let her campaign staffers exercise?
She doesn't want them to "Feel The Bern".
 
what did the farmer say when he couldn't find a tractor?

where's my tractor
 
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Why did the elephant paint it's toenails red?

So it could hide in the strawberry field.


- this is the one and only joke I can reliably recall, and it is always a hit with the kinder set (or younger)!
 
Three guys stranded on a desert island find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says: ?I?m lonely. I wish my friends were back here.
 
I stopped at a friend's house the other day and found him stalking around with a fly-swatter. When I asked if he was getting any flies, he answered: 'Yeah, three males and two females.' Curious, I asked how he could tell the difference. He said: 'Three were on a beer can and two were on the phone

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen; it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.
 
Bob and Jerry were two hunters hiking through the woods in hopes of finding some deer. Bob collapses and Jerry panics, Jerry pulls out a cellphone, dials 911, and says: "Help! My friend is dead!".

The operator responded "Ok, first let's make sure he's dead" the Operator heard silence and then a gunshot shortly after.

"Okay, now what?" Jerry answered as he got back on the phone.
 
Not really a joke but it makes me laugh every time! :D

20jg2n9.jpg
 
This good thread glad i made it. Why did the Lady throw the clock out the window? She wanted too see time Fly.
 
Two scientists walk into a bar.
The first one says, I'd like some H2O.
Th second one says, I'd like some H2O, too!
Both of them recieve their orders and upon consuming them, the second scientist dies.

Floride, Iodine, and Neon fused. The result was looking fine.

Bromine and Osmium are best bros.

Hydrogen and Iodine always greet each other by saying hi. Helium and Yttrium prefer to greet each other by saying hey.
 
What do you call crystal clear urine?

1080-PEE
 
what is the difference between a polar bear and a grizzly bear?

A POLAR BEAR DISSOLVES IN WATER
 
So lady is told bye Someone she is a bad mother, she doesn't believe it. but she is not sure so she asks her son.
"Billy am i a bad mom" the mother asks "My name is Timmy".
 
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