Tell Me a Joke.

[Draco]

Doctor goes to patient and says " I am Sorry Sir u only have Three weeks to live"
Patient say "omg what am i gonna do" " how will i tell my family" "i'll never be able to pay my bill.

Doctor say " o never mind i can give you three more weeks".

 

[pawpatrolbab]

http://www.rd.com/joke/tim-siedell-revenant/

 

[The Pennifer]

I thought this was hilarious!

 

[Draco]

Why did the Turkey cross the road? Because it was trying to catch that darn Chicken.

 

[TheGreatBrain]

Why are cooks cruel?

Because they whip the batter and beat the eggs.


Why did the girl tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?

She didn't want to wake the sleeping pills.

 

[Discord]

There was a father sitting next to his son on the living room couch watching some evening television.

The kid's stomach rumbles and says:

"Ugh, I'm so hungry"

"Hi Mr. Hungry can I call you So?" The Dad responded.

The kid gave a blank stare and punched his dad off the couch.

 

[N e s s]

How many russian leaders does it take to change a lightbulb?

Spoiler: Answer

None because russian leaders don't last as long as a lightbulb

 

[Xara]

Why did Susan fall off the swing?
Because she has no arms.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Susan.

 

[Discord]

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Lettuce

Lettuce who?

Lettuce in, It's cold out here!.

 

[Liamslash]

What do you call a Jewish Pokemon trainer?

Ash

 

[Discord]

"If there's one thing I hate more that lying, it's Skim Milk. It's just water lying to be Milk."

-Ron Swanson

 

[Discord]

"If there's one thing I hate more that lying, it's Skim Milk. It's just water lying to be Milk."

-Ron Swanson

EDIT: Lag caused me to Double Post

 

[-Apples-]

Why did the moon stop eating?

- Because it was full.

What did the fast fry say to the slow fry?

- Ketchup.

 

[Ehingen Guy]

Shaddup, Manners and Trouble are walking in the woods, when Trouble gets lost. So his friends walk to the nearest ranger station. Shaddup enters the station, while Manner stays outside. The ranger asks Shaddup, "What's your name, sir?" Shaddup replies "Shaddup." "What's your name, sir?" "Shaddup". "Are you looking for trouble?" "Yes." "Where's your manners?" "Outside."

 

[-Apples-]

Spoiler: Warning! Dirty joke inside

I forgot to wash this joke with soap and warm water.

 

[Xara]

Spoiler: Warning! Dirty joke inside

I forgot to wash this joke with soap and warm water.

Got my hopes up ;-;

 

[oath2order]

A programmer is having a baby. She finds out the gender of the baby, and her husband asks "Is it a boy or is it a girl?"

The programmer responds "yes".

 

[Aquari]

Why did the tomato blush?


Because it saw the salad dressing!

badum tshhhh........i'll stop

 

[SolaireOfAstora]

Science joke alert!

What do you do with a sick chemist?

Spoiler

If you can't curium, you're going to need to barium

 

[Draco]

So this Park Ranger is out doing his camp site rounds. And he see this guy cooking what looks like spotted Owl. So the park Ranger walks up to the hunter and says "Sir is the spotted Owl you cooking?" Hunter says Yeah sure is. Ranger say "sir u do know it is a indangerd bird?

Hunter says i sure do but there is nothing like fresh spotted owl. Ranger says "im sorry sir im gonna have to in and place you under arrest"
So ranger places the cuffs on him they begin to walk out when Ranger asks the hunter a question "say what does Spotted owl taste like?"
Hunter turns to him and says " o a lot like Bald Eagle"