last night I kept having to type out my college legacy email to log into something, and seeing my former name was an almost surreal experience. I feel so disconnected from it now, because everyone I spend time with on a day to day basis now refers to me as my chosen name or Bug, so seeing my former name started to bring up that past and it really did make me feel uncomfortable. it's also a bit awkward bc one of my coworkers has the same name as I used to have, but it's not too bad because in that case I associate that name with her and not myself.
I'm grateful that I'm now surrounded by people who use my chosen name or nickname (technically my former name had a shortened version that I also don't use anymore, but Bug was my other nickname for my whole life hehe). it kinda sucks, though, that a lot of my outside family members still know me by my former name, and it might be hard to tell them. I'm thinking of my dad's side, specifically of my paternal grandma. my dad flipped his **** when I told him I was going by a chosen name, since the one I had was one he picked and came from his great grandmother, a very respectable woman (and out of respect for my dad's family, I call it my "former/old name" and not my "deadname"). I can't imagine how my grandma would react if I told her I was going by a different name now. it's a whole tricky situation honestly.