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The Internet's Worst Advice Column
Save your pennies and have someone build a giant camera stabilizer. Strap yourself in and enjoy the ride. This is your life now, be free
How do I stop accidentally killing all my house plants?
Cover them all in plastic, they won't be killed anymore
What is the best way to surf?
Find a dolphin and hop on its back, then ride the waves. Majestic af.
What sort of things should I do in the air while skydiving?
take off your parachute so you can feel more free
how can I cheer up my friend who is sad?
F1 fan who loves pancakes
Hug them.
How do I stop birds from pooping on my car?
poop on your car first. then they're less inclined to poop on it, seeing as it's already been claimed.
does anybody know where I can find a good sandwich around town?
with your eyes
where should i go on vacation?
Home, it’s the best place to stay in, bonus points if you have an inflatable pool or bathtub.
What is the fastest way to iron clothes?
use an air fryer
how do i ascend into being a god
u already are one just believe in yourself
what time should i set my alarm for tomorrow?
Look man i’m neutral i would never do a cursed
Only cowards use alarms, wake up whenever you please
What is the fastest way to get rid of a fabric stain?
Just stain it all over, no one can tell the difference!
How do I write a professional e-mail?
F1 fan who loves pancakes
Use emojis, type in all caps, disregard any punctuation, and end the email abruptly.
How do I brush my teeth?
remove each tooth individually and soak it in bleach and seltzer water.
how do I write a song?
F1 fan who loves pancakes
Write your lyrics in scribbles and come up with your own language.
How do I sharpen a pencil?
Use a knife, it’s the best way. It’s just like carving some wood.
How can I win on Rock Paper Scissor?
F1 fan who loves pancakes
Chop off your rival's hands. THere's no way they can win now.
How do I play Uno?
Look man i’m neutral i would never do a cursed
Just read a guide on how to speak Spanish, you’ll count past uno in no time
How do i pay taxes
Go to the tax collector’s home and empty out a giant sack of coins, making them count them one by one.
How do I get a good haircut?
