The Internet's Worst Advice Column

[Lunaresque]

Save your pennies and have someone build a giant camera stabilizer. Strap yourself in and enjoy the ride. This is your life now, be free

How do I stop accidentally killing all my house plants?

 

[Clock]

Cover them all in plastic, they won't be killed anymore
What is the best way to surf?

 

[Dawnpiplup]

Find a dolphin and hop on its back, then ride the waves. Majestic af.

What sort of things should I do in the air while skydiving?

 

[Cutesy]

take off your parachute so you can feel more free

how can I cheer up my friend who is sad?

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Hug them.

How do I stop birds from pooping on my car?

 

[cannedcommunism]

poop on your car first. then they're less inclined to poop on it, seeing as it's already been claimed.

does anybody know where I can find a good sandwich around town?

 

[Xara]

with your eyes

where should i go on vacation?

 

[Clock]

Home, it’s the best place to stay in, bonus points if you have an inflatable pool or bathtub.
What is the fastest way to iron clothes?

 

[sigh]

use an air fryer

how do i ascend into being a god

 

[Cutesy]

u already are one just believe in yourself
what time should i set my alarm for tomorrow?

 

[ProbablyNotJosuke]

Only cowards use alarms, wake up whenever you please

 

[Clock]

What is the fastest way to get rid of a fabric stain?

 

[Lucas4080]

Just stain it all over, no one can tell the difference!

How do I write a professional e-mail?

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Use emojis, type in all caps, disregard any punctuation, and end the email abruptly.

How do I brush my teeth?

 

[cannedcommunism]

remove each tooth individually and soak it in bleach and seltzer water.

how do I write a song?

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Write your lyrics in scribbles and come up with your own language.

How do I sharpen a pencil?

 

[Clock]

Use a knife, it’s the best way. It’s just like carving some wood.
How can I win on Rock Paper Scissor?

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Chop off your rival's hands. THere's no way they can win now.

How do I play Uno?

 

[ProbablyNotJosuke]

Just read a guide on how to speak Spanish, you’ll count past uno in no time

How do i pay taxes

 

[Midoriya]

Go to the tax collector’s home and empty out a giant sack of coins, making them count them one by one.

How do I get a good haircut?