The Internet's Worst Advice Column

[NovariusHaze]

Eat a bunch of sugar! Then your body will always have energy and never be tired!

How do I make an omelette?

 

[Neb]

Put an egg on the stove, smash it with your hand, and leave it on there so it gets your body heat and let it cook until it's an omelet.

How do I beat this hard boss on Hades?

 

[Yoshi155]

Use the internet! Take a computer, and smash it on your Xbox/PS4/PC/whatever you’re playing on.

How can I get ready for GTA 6?

 

[Neb]

Buy a copy of E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial for the Atari 2600.

How do I make bells quick in New Horizons?

 

[VernalLapin]

Threaten Tom Nook at axepoint.

How can i enjoy leafy greens?

 

[Bruscoe]

Become a vegetarian. Easy.

My hard drive failed and I lost everything. How do I prevent this from happening again?

 

[Midoriya]

Turn yourself into a cyborg.

How do I invent a time machine?

 

[Yoshi155]

Just drive at 88 mph. Nothing bad will happen to you. You won’t even be pulled over. Just trust me on this one.

How do I beat Whitney in Pokémon?

 

[Midoriya]

Fight her using six level 100 Metapods, and keep using the move Harden. You'll get there eventually.

How do I care more about things I'm supposed to care about?

 

[Bruscoe]

Approach them all with a smile. Never stop, even if it starts hurting after a while.

What's a good way to tell my boss that I want to quit my job?

 

[Neb]

Say “I need to skedaddle from this popsicle stand.”

How do I keep my sleep schedule good?

 

[Bruscoe]

Train your brain to wake up at the correct times. Make sure to remind it daily; treat it like your dog and reward it for good behavior when successful.

Can someone explain anime to me?

 

[Neb]

They’re live action dramas from Indonesia. Usually very serious and realistic.

How do I get my neighbors to stop being so loud?

 

[Midoriya]

Set their house on fire! Problem solved.

How do I make a good quality meal for dinner from scratch?

 

[Bruscoe]

Take a container of Cool Whip, put chocolate fudge all over it, then top it with canned whipped cream. Congratulations! You've got the gourmet dessert out of the way! Only two more courses to go!

My phone won't charge; what do I do?

 

[Midoriya]

Chuck it into a high voltage area. Problem solved!

I need to go back to the past like Samurai Jack, but I don't have a time machine. What do I do?

 

[Bruscoe]

Find the Master Sword. It will give you all the answers. Ask Zelda if she has an idea on where it's at. Keep in mind that someone named Link may or may not be looking for it as well.

How do I engage conversations with someone at a public place without acting creepy?

 

[Midoriya]

Shake your legs together in place like you need to go to the bathroom. Then just talk naturally at the same time. Problem solved!

How do I get better at art?

 

[PugLovex]

ask ai to make it for you then just claim it’s yours!!

how can i stop procrastinating?

 

[Midoriya]

Sit in silence for a long time, a very long time, and get all of your procrastination out of the way now, even if it takes years.

How do I skateboard like Tony Hawk?