The Internet's Worst Advice Column

[TN4U]

Be a hawk. Fly like an eagle. Just don't hit any powerlines in the process.

How do I get my ancient PlayStation 1 to work on my 8K Ultra Hi-Def OLED Crystal View QLED TV?

 

[Midoriya]

Take it to the Verizon Wireless HQ and plug it into the mainframe along with your TV.

How do I stop myself from ever spending money again?

 

[Yoshi155]

Burn all your money. Problem solved!

How can I get an Xbox Series X for a cheap price?

 

[TN4U]

Get a Series S and paint it black. Problem solved!

How do I make listening to new rap music more tolerable?

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

Force yourself to only listen to rap music. If you own any physical copies of music that's not rap, get rid of them. Play rap music at any chance you get, even when you're sleeping. You'll get used to it and start to like/tolerate rap that way!

How do I find a working charger for my Switch?

 

[Neb]

Get an iPhone charger at Walmart and just plug it into the Switch. Should charge it up in no time!

Can someone explain Nightcore to me?

 

[TN4U]

Well, it's, uhhh...

I'll get back to you on that.

What's the best way to relive childhood memories?

 

[S.J.]

Move back in with your parents. Call a sibling and start an argument.

What's the best way to make it up to someone I've upset?

 

[VernalLapin]

Hire a flash mob that surrounds them and involves them in their routine!

How do I tolerate spices better?

 

[TN4U]

Just drink extra bottles of water with your food. Eventually, you'll tolerate them better in your mouth.

How can I change my diet to be overall healthier?

 

[SkyKnight03]

Copy my dieting habits. It's not going to help much, but we'll be dragged into the abyss together.

My shoe laces are too long. What's the solution?

 

[TN4U]

Get Edward Scissorhands to help you out with that.

How to prevent brain freeze from eating cold milkshakes?

 

[NovariusHaze]

Drink something hot like lava to counter the cold.

How do I get a million subscribers on YouTube?

 

[TN4U]

I have found the best way to get subscribers by using these simple tricks!!! Steal others' jokes and ideas, then pass them off as your own. Make sure to say "subscribe to my channel" with an on-screen graphic clicking the button every twenty seconds that takes up half the video. Oh, and start off every video with a trap remix of some song you found off SoundCloud. Also, it doesn't hurt to caption every single word you say one word at a time; who needs complete sentence captions anyway? If you do all that, you'll get your subscribers in no time!
i want to bang my head against a wall now

How do I make myself presentable on a date?

 

[Midoriya]

Show up in clogs and a Danny DeVito mask.

How do I find a good avatar that isn't AI-generated?

 

[Neb]

Open Microsoft Paint and draw one yourself with a mouse.

How do I make it easier to move boxes into a new house during a heat wave?

 

[TN4U]

Jump inside the boxes and move them like that. Cardboard is great shade material.

How can I lie about not doing something and make it believable?

 

[-Blue-]

Tell the truth, pause for effect, and then blurt out 'Just kidding!'

How to build sandcastle?

 

[Yoshi155]

Spray a random plant and a sand castle should just grow for you.

What do I do in a plane crash?

 

[TN4U]

Accept your fate. I dunno what else to tell you.

How do I tell someone that I don't feel like hanging out without sounding disrespectful?