The Internet's Worst Advice Column

[honeyaura]

No, but if you're craving it you're either preganant or craving a certain flavorless cereal.

I'm sitting in the theater and want snacks and popcorn, but can't afford the snack stand. What should I do?

 

[Flare]

assault someone and steal their snacks

should i learn to play the guitar

 

[honeyaura]

No, the strings are known to cut through even the toughest fingers. But if it's worth it, you still look cool in the end.

Should I have a giraffe as a pet one day?

 

[Shellzilla_515]

No. If you do get one that criticizes your fashion choices, just do a giveaway on youtube for a free giraffe.

How do I make stereotypical movie scenes?

 

[Hyrule_Crossing]

Watch dude perfects stereotypes

How to fall asleep faster

 

[MapleSilver]

Steal general anesthetic from your local hospital and hope you got the dosage right.

I am out of milk. Should I buy some more?

 

[AngelBunny]

no. you should go to your local creamery and beg the cows there for milk

which pizza should i get?

 

[Cwynne]

You shouldn't get pizza. Period.
Should I do my homework?

 

[rianne]

Nah, just tell the instructor that a fellow Dan stan ate it.

How should I slice a pineapple?

 

[HistoryH22]

I would strongly recommend using a knife.

Should I go read now that it's raining?

 

[MapleSilver]

Don't go outside. Instead, read your book below a running water faucet to achieve the same effect.

I'm trying to play my game but these people won't stop talking. What should I do?

 

[HistoryH22]

Talk over them, obviously. Show them who is boss.

I tried your advice and now my book is ruined! What do I do now!?

 

[MapleSilver]

If your problem is water, then you need something that is strong against it. That is why you must plant grass seeds inside your book pages! Grass-type beats Water-type, so your book will be good as new.

My advice isn't working the way I intended it. How do I give better advice?

 

[MapleSilver]

How do I resurrect a dead thread?

 

[raeyoung]

I guess do what you just did I dunno

I can't find my mouth? I've been eating with my left ear for the past two weeks. Please help.

 

[Buttonsy]

Make sure you alternate when eating with your ears or they'll get lopsided!

I want to do something silly but I don't know what silly thing to do!

 

[Clock]

Talk about nonsense which is silly.
How do I study for school?

 

[Ananas Dragon]

You keep on writing the word "for school"

How do I teleport?

 

[Dawnpiplup]

Just cross your legs on the floor and mumble to yourself, "Teleportation powers, activate!" over and over until you're at the desired destination.

Oh, and you have to do this in a public area where you're going to get stared at by a bunch of strangers.

Dear Internet, how can I get a boyfriend and have a lasting relationship with him?

 

[Darcy94x]

Honest advice? Don’t do it to yourself

How do I stop my body automatically waking at 7am even if my kids and partner are still asleep....