I have OCD, GAD, Depression, and was recently diagnosed with ADD as well. It can be difficult at times, since it all feeds off of one another and it can be challenging understanding what does what.
I was diagnosed with OCD and GAD at 8, and Depression around 13 I believe. For the longest time I thought I had all my mental issues figured out, until at 22 the ADD diagnosis came in. I’m nearly 23 now, so this was very recent.
I believe I’ve always had it, I’ve always been a “head in the clouds” type of person, however I managed it and did well in school and would often do work ahead of time. I’ve always been able to day dream for hours on end though. It wasn’t until about a year ago, in my final year of college I began to really struggle. I would pace uncontrollably through the house for hours at a time, completely lost in my own head. One night I put on a pedometer and it reached 10 miles, just by pacing back and forth that night. It got so bad my legs and feet began to physically ache.
I would literally try to tie myself to my chair to get work done, but my mind would just wander regardless. It was so frustrating, no matter how much I needed or wanted to do something, I just… couldn’t.
Stress most likely had an impact on why things got out of hand, it was my last year of college, and I’ve never been the social type so escapism is my way of coping I believe.
My mother was actually the one who suggested ADD, I was dismissive at first because I thought it was just my anxiety. She was the one who noticed my OCD symptoms first though, and generally knows my mind better than myself so it was difficult to ignore. After talking with therapists and a psychiatrist, I was prescribed adderall. While it’s hasn’t been all sunshine and rainbows, it has certainly helped and I have little doubt ADD is a condition I have now.
Regardless the diagnosis was still jarring. “Great, I’ve got another brain thing.”
Lately I’ve been obsessing a bit over the possibility of having autism as well, because guess what… all my conditions are often correlated with having autism as well. A therapist once suggested to my mother I could have autism, however she never gave it much importance since… if I do, what can be done about it? If I am I’m high-functioning, and while I relate to some autism symptoms, a lot I don’t.
Half of the words that come out of my mouth are sarcastic, I’ve never had issues “reading between the lines” (understanding metaphors and such), and I don’t think I’ve ever had issues reading other people’s emotions.
On the flip side though, I’ve always been socially anxious, particular about things, have very intense interests (AC being one obviously lol) and have been described as being a bit blunt and unemotive at times. Typically aspects such as being blunt I’ve often received praise for from friends, so I suppose I’m more honest rather than off-putting.
I was never bullied or anything either, I was just the quiet, “smart” kid who sat in the back of the class. People were always kind to me, and I’d often get told by people they wish they got to know me better. It was really my own social anxiety that got in the way, never other people.
Part of me wonders if I want to go to a neuropsychologist or something to see if I have Autism, just for closure. I don’t want any more surprises like the ADD, I just want to know what I’m up against and understand who I am better. At the same time, a diagnosis may be pointless as all the issues that could be associated with my potential Autism seem to be taken care of by my other conditions I’m receiving help for. I also approach the risk of feeling worse about myself, as I have another thing “wrong” with me. Perhaps not knowing is better, however it will always be in the back of my mind. It may be best to rip the band-aid off as early as possible so to speak.