The out of context quotes thread

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“You can’t do this to me! Horizontal stripes make me look fat!”

 

[Yoshi155]

My home! It burned down! *starts sobbing* How did this happen?

That’s a very good question.

So that’s where I left my cigar. *blows it despite being underwater*

That just raises further questions!

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“I just got over a thousand hits with the past hour!”
“I can beat that.”
“You have a website?”
“No but I can hit!”
*Daria closes door and hitting sounds can be heard*

 

[Yoshi155]

Wait a minute. This sounds like rock and/or roll.

 

[Yoshi155]

You shank! How could you tell on me?

Well, I didn’t want hungry birds pecking my soul forever.

Soul? Come on, Milhouse, there’s no such thing as a soul. It’s just something they made up to scare kids like the bogeyman or Michael Jackson.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Everyone in McKinney is dead.”

 

[Mr.Fox]

‘Marge, my loyal wife…and Lisa, my little princess…and who could forget dear Rat Boy?’
‘Rat Boy? I resent that.’
‘Bart I told you before stop gnawing on the drywall!’

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Toot happily skips into the kitchen with Clara’s scalp and hair attached to her head*
“Wow, Toot! You look great! Have you lost weight?”
“Nooooo!”
*Clara screams off screen and comes running in without her hair*
“Wow, Clara, you look awful. Have you gained weight?”
“No! That fat cow stole my hair!”
“I didn’t steal it. I just woke up and found it attractively stapled to my head.”

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Hey, we got a lot of work to do. Can you please contain your son?"

"Oh, my son. He's your son, too!"

"That's impossible, he gots no 'rekamblence' to me."

"He's not supposed to, douchebag. He's adopted!"

 

[Yoshi155]

All right, kids, where would you like to eat tonight?

The Spaghetti Laboratory!

Face Stuffers!

Professor V.J. Cornucopia’s Fantastic Foodmagorium and Great American Steakery!

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“You gagged her with a jawbreaker?”

 

[QueenCobra]

“This is…not what ring girls wear!”
“You look like a homosexual ostrich that’s been set loose!”

 

[Mr.Fox]

I am Lorde, ya ya ya

 

[QueenCobra]

“Well, basically a snake don’t have parts. But if I had to call it anything, uh, I would say it’s his knee.”

 

[Yoshi155]

He’s making a break for it! Get him!

No, no, I was just picking my nose.

He’s picking his nose! Get him! *assault him with batons*

 

[QueenCobra]

“Show of hands, what year were you born?”

 

[Yoshi155]

This barbecue will be hard, thankless work, but I’m sure you’re up to it, Marge.

Well, it could be a good chance to get to know our neighbors outside of a courtroom setting.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Gumball, Anaise and Richard are smashing free sample cakes with hammers on a plate when Anaise stops*
“Isn’t this wrong to do?”
“Of course not! They’re free samples!”
“Oh!”
*Continues to smash the cake*

 

[Yoshi155]

Miss Hoover? I don’t think I can dissect an animal. I think it’s wrong.

Okay, Lisa. I respect your moral objection. *presses the “independent thought” alarm*

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“How did you know that Tommy cheated?”
“It’s elementary, Doughy! Only God can make flowers.”
“Oh!”