The out of context quotes thread

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“What’s next? Are you gonna show me a giraffe and tell me it’s a $&*%ing duck?”

 

[Yoshi155]

A massive tanker has run aground on the central coastline, spilling millions of gallons of oil on Baby Seal Beach.

Oh, no!

It’ll be okay, honey. There’s lots more oil where that came from.

 

[Yoshi155]

Thanks a lot. Now it’s stuck on that haunted house.

I heard a witch lives there.

I heard a Frankenstein lives there.

You guys are way off. It’s a secret lab where they take the brains out of zombies and put them in the heads of other zombies to create a race of super-zombies.

 

[Yoshi155]

Hello?

Your son was trespassing on my property and destroyed a very valuable stone gargoyle and… are you wearing a grocery bag?

I have misplaced my pants.

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"And now, the scraping off of the pudding. Isn't she beautiful, scraping off the pudding with the grace of a butterfly. She rubs the pudding on her face, the prince now attempting to remove one of the princess's arms. As is, of course, the tradition. The princess screaming with pain, everyone watching with anticipation. *crack!* And the arm is off! Things are back to normal here in Canada. Time-honored traditions are once again— Yes, the prince is sticking the princess's arm up his ***. There it goes, he's really making a good go of it. What a glorious day for Canada, and therefore, of course, the world."

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“You can’t kill him!”
“Look, I know he’s your friend but he’s a vampire….”
“He owes me money.”
“Oh.”

 

[rocketspruggs]

"Oh boy! The 595th annual Dimmsdale camelot festival! Where you get to dress up and act like people from the middle ages!"

Cosmo turns into a middle-aged man with gray temples, a paunch, bifocals, and receding hairline.

"Cool, I'm middle aged! YOU KIDS GET OFF MY LAWN!"

"Not those middle ages..."

 

[Yoshi155]

Alright, we’re checking out the only game where you have to choose between life or death, but there’s no life option.

 

[QueenCobra]

“I should have never trusted Gordon around my beaver.”

 

[Mr.Fox]

'The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nosebleeds if I kept my finger outta there!'

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Alright now, you say that you witnessed your friend being abused by her parents."

"Yes. They called her an emo."

 

[rocketspruggs]

"There's still enough pretty color left for one of us to slide down the magical rainbow bridge! Wow! There wasn't a single manly word in that sentence!"

 

[Yoshi155]

Let’s go check it out. You can go see how I lived before I met you.

You lived before you met me?

Sure. Lots of people did.

Really?

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Oh they got Cash Jr. I wonder how that works if they got no teeth? Do the fangs grow in or do they appear instantly?”

 

[Yoshi155]

Look, Bender, this has nothing to do with you.

That’s impossible!

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Interesting. The trousers conceal a tiny secondary horn."

(nervously) "Hey, what have you heard?"

 

[Yoshi155]

That’s it, Brett! You’ve compressed our lunches to a singularity for the last time!

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Hey, cool lid.”
“What did he say?”
“Funzie likes Milo’s bucket. And he’s way cool.”
“I’ll be in my office.”
*Funzie enters boys room backwards with both thumbs up*
“Hey-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeereeeee!”
“Why do we think he’s cool again?”

 

[Yoshi155]

I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself. *pulls out a bat*

 

[QueenCobra]

“Silk-Silk with the good milk!”
“Jan-Jan she’s a man!”