I’ve always admired car owners and I hope to be one myself as soon as I finish paying off Mother. She insists I pay her retroactively for the food I ate as a child.
*Dummy on the shelf keeps saying “Kill! Kill! Kill!” and making a stabbing motion with a knife he is holding as everyone else ignores him*
“You could get killed up there.”
“WHAT?!”
“I meant to say you can get some nice antiques up there. Why? What’d I say?”
“That I could be killed.”
“It’s that dummy messing with my head!”
Joy to the world
The teacher’s dead
We barbecued her head
What happened to her body?
We flushed it down the potty
And round and round it goes
And round and round it… goes
I wish I could laugh at the idea of a teacher being decapitated.
*Pickles grabs Pristine*
“Pristine, get a hold of yourself!”
*Pickles slaps Pristine across the face a few times*
“Thank you for that. I’m okay now.”
“I’ll tell you when you’re okay!”
*Pickles slaps Pristine four more times*
For show and tell today, I have brought my shocking powerpoint report on the truth… behind the 9/11 attacks.
Oh, Christ.
We are told to believe that the fire from the jet fuel melted the steel framing of the towers, which led to their collapse. But did you know jet fuel doesn’t burn at a high enough temperature to melt steel? We were told the Pentagon was hit by a hijacked plane as well. But now look at this photo of the Pentagon. The hole is not nearly big enough. And if a plane hit it… where’s the rest of the plane?
Whoa…
So now, the inevitable question: if terrorists didn’t cause 9/11, who did? Remember that there are, in fact, two towers. Two minus one is one. One, one, eleven. Two minus one is one. One, one, and there are nine members on Silverstein’s board of directors. That’s 9-1-1, 9/11. And take two, minus one, plus nine eleven and you get twelve. Which leads us all to the mastermind of the 9/11 attacks… Kyle!
Me?!
12 contains the numbers one and two, just like the toilet yesterday, where somebody went number two instead of number one. Add one and two with nine eleven and you get 914. Drop the 4 and it’s 91, exactly the score Kyle got on his spelling test twelve days after 9/11! Who had the most to gain from 9/11? Kyle! Who was nowhere to be found the morning the towers fell? Kyle! Who dropped a deuce in the urinal? Kyle!
*The Undersea and Air Brothers are seen talking and laughing with each other*
“Well they seem happy to be reunited.”
“Yeah but isn’t the Underwater one you know, evil?”
*The Undersea Brother suddenly blows up the Air Brother’s flying machine and the Air Brother blows up the Undersea Brother’s sub*
“Heh heh. At least they aren’t triplets?”
You’ve got a whole school here, Clyde, m’kay. You’ve got over 300 people who need to use the boys’ room, and you decide you’re gonna be a comedian, m’kay, and pinch one off in the urinal, and leave it laying there for everyone to have to look at.
*Clyde starts snickering*
Okay, you think it’s funny? But nobody else does. They gotta walk in that bathroom to see your rancid duke plopped up against the back of the urinal like a brown ragdoll.
