The out of context quotes thread

All right, New York. I’m coming back. But you’re not getting this! *throws wallet into the fireplace*

Dad, our baby pictures were in there.

Don’t you start!
 
And for the tribute, I need a volunteer to do an oral report on Principal Skinner’s life.

Miss Hoover, which one is “oral”?

Out of your mouth, Ralph. Volunteers?

*Lisa and Ralph raise their hands*

Thank you, Lisa.

No, Miss Hoover, I’m Ralph.

I only need one volunteer, Ralph.

Miss Hoover, which one is “one”?

Ralph and I could do the report together.

It’s your funeral.

Miss Hoover?
 
It’s kind of a funny story, really. After five years in a secret POW camp, I was sold to China for slave labor. And since ‘77, I’ve been making sneakers at gunpoint in a sweatshop in Wuhan.

That’s not a funny story.

Well, I guess you had to be there.
 
"If Regular Show were an anime, Pops's death would have been bloody, brutal, and intense..."

"Yeah, he's an old man, and he dies at the end of Regular Show to save Mordecai and the others. BUT, if it were an anime... he would have gotten ******* decapitated, and Mordecai would be like (in Japanese), 'POPS-SAMAAAAAAAAAA!!!'"

"And then Mordecai would turn to Rigby and be like, 'Rigby-Kun, we must leave. Pops did what he had to do.'"

"Mannnnnn, that's crazy."
 
“I didn’t jump out of a plane with what turned out to be a torn parachute, land on my back on top of a tractor, and then got up miraculously unharmed and then have my sister fall on top of me and snap my C7 only for me to lose this game!”
 
He lied about his name.

His name doesn’t matter. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

Not if you called them stench blossoms.

Or crap weeds.

I’d sure hate to get a dozen crap weeds for Valentine’s Day. I’d rather have candy.

Not if they were called scum drops.
 
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