The out of context quotes thread

Dear Diary,
Today I played with my Dinoblazer action figures again. It was Mecharex vs. Triceraclops and Mecharex bited Triceraclops in the tail. And then Triceraclops turned around and said oh yeah well how do you like that and he shot Mecharex right in the heinie.
 
You sure you know how to fly this thing?

I invented it, didn’t I? You wouldn’t ask Thomas Edison whether he knew how to use a sexmatron.
 
Sir, at our present speed, the computer predicts a 100% chance we’ll be sliced in half. We’ll never make it.

Not with that attitude, we won’t!
 
Now, son, on your first day of school, I’d like to pass along the words of advice my father gave me.

“Homer, you’re dumb as a mule and twice as ugly. If a strange man offers you a ride, I say take it!”

Lousy, traumatic childhood!
 
“Moi will play the petite mermaid.”
“Mermaids aren’t fat!”
*Baby Piggy gets angry and Kermit gets in between Skeeter and her*
“Skeeter! If you take my advice for once in your natural life, walk away.”
 
"Boys! Boys, have you seen my *****?"

(confused) "...What?"

"My ***** is on the loose! If you see it, just try to catch it with some cheese." *runs away*

"Ow... That hurt my brains."
 
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