“I’m tired of hauling my own weight around. Let’s take the escalator to the second floor.”
*Helga puts one foot on the escalator and it screeches to a full stop and everyone on it looks at her*
“On second thought, there’s a lot of good stores down here.”
*Helga removes her foot and causes everyone on the escalator to go flying off onto the second level of the mall*
“Then she wondered, not for the first time, about the differences between wizards and witches. The main difference, she thought, was that wizards used books and staffs to create spells, big spells about big stuff, and they were men. While witches - always women - dealt with everyday stuff. Big stuff too, she reminded herself firmly. What could be bigger than births and deaths? but why shouldn't this boy want to be a witch? She had chosen to be a witch, so why couldn't he make the same choice? With a start, she realized it was her choice that counted here too. If she was going to be a sort of head witch, she should be able to decide this. She didn't have to ask any other witches. It could be her decision. Her responsibility. Perhaps a first step toward doing things differently?”
“I just need to find the clicker that turns this cuckoo thing off. Is there a knob or a switch?”
“I don’t know. It’s probably very simple.”
“Tell that to Debbie Reynolds!”
“What?”
*sports announcers sitting in the booth commentating on the game*
"WOW! LOOK AT THESE TEAMS! THEY BOTH SUCK, BUT THIS IS FOOTBALL, SO IT'S EXCITING ANYWAY, RIGHT?"
"Hehe, yeah, Tom..."
"THEY'RE BOTH ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE. NEITHER TEAM HAS SCORED A SINGLE POINT THROUGH FOUR QUARTERS! BUT GAWWWWWWWWWWD I LOVE FOOTBALL! THE GREATEST GAME ON EARTH! IT'S AN ENDURANCE MATCH BETWEEN THESE TWO TRASH TEAMS TO SEE WHO CAN **** OVER THE OTHER TEAM FIRST!"
"T-Tom, calm down... it's just a game..."
"NO, DON'T YOU GET IT BILL?!? THIS IS THE ULTIMATE MATCH THAT COULD DECIDE THE FATE OF THE UNIVERSE ITSELF! I'M BEING PAID TO WATCH A BORING GAME THAT PROBABLY BARELY ANYONE HAS ON THEIR TV ACROSS THE NATION, BUT GEEZ IT GETS ME SO FIRED UP I JUST WANT TO GET ON THE FIELD MYSELF AND SCORE THAT FIRST POINT!"
"T-Tom? What are you doing? TOM, NO!"
*The sports announcer Tom jumps out the booth glass and barrel rolls onto the field. He quickly takes the football from the quarterback, pushes every defender out of his way like a one-man army, and reaches the endzone, slamming the ball into the ground so hard it creates an indent in the ground*
"YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, FOOTBALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!" *Tom strips his shirt while screaming triumphantly*
"Um, is that allowed?" *a random bystander asks the referee*
"Just let play continue... this is finally getting fun."
“Seriously, Pouchy? Dynamite? Don’t you have a jet pack or a plane or something to get us out of here?”
“WHAT DO YOU THINK I HAVE EVERYTHING IN HERE?! I OFFERED YOU A RUBBER DUCKY! I OFFERED YOU THE TAPE!”
"I made a bunch of homemade cinnamon rolls for my boys this morning and they just wanted cereal. Fruit Loops if you want to know." "I'm afraid you're going to have to throw them out. The kids, not the cinnamon rolls." "It was thoroughly discussed before they left for school yes." "I will eat them!" "The kids?!" "Well I'd prefer the cinnamon rolls."
