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The out of context quotes thread

“Well, these guys believe that if you die in battle, some big fat singing horned women carry you off to a sort of giant feast hall where you gobble yourself silly for the rest of eternity. Damn stupid idea, really."
"But it just happened! We just saw a couple of actual Valkyrie's just fly down right in front of us and then take him into the sky!"
"Still a daft idea.”
 
“Daddy wouldn’t buy me a bow wow.”
“Meooow.”
“I have a little pet
And I’m rather fond of it
But I’d rather have a bow wow wow wow wow.
Daddy wouldn’t buy me a bow wow.”
“Oink oink”
 
"Don't you see? The missing child you each seek to reconnect with is still inside you all. But you buried it. You, Paul, when you were six and you killed that spider monkey with that claw hammer, you really just squashed your heart with that hammer, and that's why you became a dirty pig cop."
 
Where are we going?
To the day it all began and ended. The moment that changed everything.
Welcome to McDonald's. Can I take your order?
Yeah, I'd like to get a 10-piece McNugget and a bunch of the Szechuan sauce. Like, as much as you're allowed to give me. In 1998, they had this promotion for the Disney film "Mulan," where they--where they--they created a new sauce for the McNuggets called Szechuan sauce, and it's delicious! And then they got rid of it, and now it's gone. This is the only place we're gonna be able to try it, is in my memory.
Rick, you're doing this bit while your brain is melting.
Okay. All right, all right.
 
Where are we going?
To the day it all began and ended. The moment that changed everything.
Welcome to McDonald's. Can I take your order?
Yeah, I'd like to get a 10-piece McNugget and a bunch of the Szechuan sauce. Like, as much as you're allowed to give me. In 1998, they had this promotion for the Disney film "Mulan," where they--where they--they created a new sauce for the McNuggets called Szechuan sauce, and it's delicious! And then they got rid of it, and now it's gone. This is the only place we're gonna be able to try it, is in my memory.
Rick, you're doing this bit while your brain is melting.
Okay. All right, all right.

I've already seen this scene before, but for some reason it's funnier out of context.

"To the day it all began and ended. The moment that changed everything."

"Welcome to McDonald's. Can I take your order?"

😂
 
I've already seen this scene before, but for some reason it's funnier out of context.

"To the day it all began and ended. The moment that changed everything."

"Welcome to McDonald's. Can I take your order?"

😂
I know, I was typing it in and immediately thought how random and hilarious it was out of context lol!
 
“It was sad music. But it waved its sadness like a battle flag. It said the universe had done all it could, but you were still alive.”
 
“What kind of animal-“
*Smashes muffin with a baking pan*
“Puts walnuts-“
*Continues to smash muffins*
“Into muffins?!”
*Smashes muffins furiously*
 
“Do you understand what I'm saying? You can't just go around killing people!"
"Why Not? You Do."
"What? I do not! Who told you that?"
"I Worked It Out. You Have Killed Two Point Three Three Eight People."
"I have never laid a finger on anyone in my life, Mr Pump. I may be–– all the things you know I am, but I am not a killer! I have never so much as drawn a sword!"
"No, You Have Not. But You Have Stolen, Embezzled, Defrauded And Swindled Without Discrimination, Mr Lipvig. You Have Ruined Businesses And Destroyed Jobs. When Banks Fail, It Is Seldom Bankers Who Starve. Your Actions Have Taken Money From Those Who Had Little Enough To Begin With. In A Myriad Small Ways You Have Hastened The Deaths Of Many. You Do Not Know Them. You Did Not See Them Bleed. But You Snatched Bread From Their Mouths And Tore Clothes From Their Backs. For Sport, Mr Lipvig. For Sport. For The Joy Of The Game.”
 
“Grandma! No!”
*Grandma crosses the busy street while covering her eyes with one hand and holding a cricket cage with the other. Cart drivers begin to panic and crash into each other while avoiding her and Grandma reaches the other side and uncovers her eyes*
“Yep! This is a lucky one!”
*Cricket inside cage shakes from terror and then faints*
 
“Scientists have calculated that the chances of something so patently absurd actually existing are millions to one.
But magicians have calculated that million-to-one chances crop up nine times out of ten.”
 
*As montage of killer ventriloquist dummies doing romantic things together plays*
“Kill.”
“Die.”
“Kill.”
“Die.”
“Kill kill kill.”
“Die die.”
“Die die die.”
“Kill.”
 
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"Egypt was very much a society."
"...Isn't any group of humans who live together a society?"
"We really do live in a society..."
"You're fooling yourself! We're living in a dictatorship! A self perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes-"
"There you go bringing class into it again!"
"So you say water, women and swords would be a good workaround?"
 
"Guys, we need to come up with a new interim commercial break jingle."

"Alright, what should we do?"

"Maybe something like, 'and we'll be smacked right after these messages!'"

"Uh, that doesn't sound family-friendly..."

"Okay okay okay, got it. How about, 'and we'll be packed right after these messages!'"

"That's better but doesn't even make any sense. I mean, we're not a ******* bar or restaurant, Shawn."

"Gotcha. Then how about, 'and we'll be Shaq right after these messages!'"

"THAT'S WORSE, SHAWN!"
 
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