The out of context quotes thread

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Acupuncture woman smashes her elbow in Issac’s groin and he screams in pain*
“Oh god! *Continues to scream in pain for a few more seconds* Oh! That actually feels good!”
*Woman speaking in Chinese*
“We’re not done yet, fat boy.”
“Yeah. That sounds great.”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Ms Applegate is panting while the body of Jerome with her pointing stick is lodged in his eye is laying on the ground*
“He *pant* was *pant* much *pant* faster *pant* than I thought! That felt good. No wonder the Janitor likes hitting you kids with his mop.”

 

[QueenCobra]

“Hey, everybody. PatheticGirl43 here, coming to you live.”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“OKAY! NOBODY’S LOOKING! NOBODY’S LOOKING!”
“Thanks for shouting out my escape plan you little [idiot]! I’ll be sure to let you keep my head if they remove it from my body.”

 

[-Blue-]

Pepper spray!? That sounds delicious!
AUUGGHH I was wrong! I was horribly wrong!!!

 

[Yukari Yakumo]

"Hey, I just wanted to let you know there's a conference next Friday on astral projection."
"Oh! So you need the day off?"
"No, I'll be here. I just wanted to let you know I'll be there too."

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Darwin pointing at a photo of a young Mrs Robinson*
“She looks happy here.”
*Zoom out to show Mrs Robinson in a boat while another person is in the water struggling to stay afloat*
“Yeah but her brother isn’t.”
*Darwin pointing at a photo of a young smiling Mrs Robinson*
“First day of school!”
*Camera zooms out to show the school on fire*
“And probably the last for a few.”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Numbah Two’s legs kick Numbah One*
“Sorry. My legs are still evil.”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Numbah Three picks up and holds the sentient mustache leader*
“Awww! The poor kitty just wants to be loved. I say we help her!”
“Uh. I’m a boy mustache.”
“What?! I’m not helping those things after what they did to people!”
*Numbuh Three’s eyes become fiery and she gets very angry. Numbah Four becomes frightened by her*
“I SAID WE SHOULD HELP THE KITTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“I uh say we help the kitty….”

 

[QueenCobra]

"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his power level?"

"It's over NINE THOUSAAAAND!"

 

[Plainbluetees]

"The big 5 licenses?"

"Driver's license, cosmetology license, pilot's license, fishing license, and... license to kill. I can't wait to get that one."

 

[Suguri]

A flower pooped on your head!

 

[lasagne_of_death]

"He's a real swinger, isn't he? I mean, mood swings, not..."

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“I chew wood for health! TIMBER!”
*Chewed up tree falls over*

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Richard struggles to fasten the seat belt on Santa’s sleigh*
“What?! How can I be fatter than Santa?!”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“The Professor made us by accident!”
“Well, what can I say?”
“Don’t worry, Professor. I was an accident too!”
*Professor Utonium is shocked at what was just said*
“Your dad’s funny!”

 

[Yukari Yakumo]

“She was not, herself, hugely in favor of motherhood in general. Obviously it was necessary, but it wasn't exactly difficult. Even cats managed it. But women acted as if they'd been given a medal that entitled them to boss people around. It was as if, just because they'd got the label which said 'mother,' everyone else got a tiny part of the label that said 'child.'"

 

[xSuperMario64x]

"please go in the volcano... please?"

*rolls a 4 on the dice*

"no, you're not, you're gonna go right past it. because... you have the golden butthole."

- poofesure

 

[rocketspruggs]

"If you're happy, and you know it, say a swear..."

"Boob!"

"Heinie!"

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Did you just kill those two men?!”
“No, Kevin, we killed those two men.”