The out of context quotes thread

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“You’ve got purty hair.”
*Takes wig off and shoves it to man*
“Here. Enjoy.”

 

[Yoshi155]

Whenever I see Jesus up on that Cross I can't help but think that he looks kinda hot...

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Milo said he’s not going to school.”
“Beth, honey, no one likes a tattletale.”
“I do. They’re an essential part of any family. You keep right on tattling, sweetie pie.”
“Daddy has a magazine with naked ladies hugging.”
“Ahhh crimminy….”

 

[Bruscoe]

"Hi, welcome to Starbucks. Can I take your order?"
"Yeah, can I get uh, uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh burger?"

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“So the braces police got you too?”
“Yeah. And the funny thing is I already HAD braces….”

 

[frogslime]

"That time of year again where enxssi pulls out the white woman mask"

 

[QueenCobra]

“I want to hold him gently, like a hamburger.”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Only in America can an attractive black man die as an unattractive white woman.”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“So you really like this girl, huh.”
“Yeah. Yvette is smart, funny, beautiful, and she has MC Hammer on ice!”

 

[Yoshi155]

Well then how much of what just happened was in virtual reality?

That does not matter! There is only one thing that matters!

What?!

Have I answered your questions satisfactorily and offered GOOD CUSTOMER SERVICE?!

THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!

That's the paradox! Please my friend, please! I am not real! You are not real! Have I answered your questions and provided good customer service?! This call may be recorded!

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Hi lady! Your knee’s is wrinkly!”
“What a doll!”
*Pulls out hand recorder and starts whispering into it*
“Note to self: Little girl has sprouted horn.”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was 10% less than a lethal dose.”
“Uh oh! I shouldn’t have had seconds.…”

 

[VernalLapin]

“…Because international affairs are not solved with pepperoni and bongos!!”

 

[sakuraa]

“C’mon, it can’t be that bad of an article, right?”

“…They thought Sonic was made by Nintendo.”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Ahem. I know where Milo is. But it’s gonna cost ya!”
*Ms Hubbard cocks gun*
“Cost ya absolutely nothing!”

 

[Beanz]

“i can’t wait to get home to take my shower”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

While the Debbies slept, Helga snipped off their annoy little heads. Then she ate all of the pizza crusts.

 

[Yoshi155]

There's just so many ways not to be lonely! There are family, friends, faith... Hey, those are all "F" words! I wonder if there are any other ways not to be lonely that start with "F".

(After pause) Think of any yet?

Nope!

Holy Moly! You are pure pureness in its purest form. It's almost irritating.

 

[sakuraa]

“I’m gonna cut through the fudging moon!”

“Wait, no-“

“RULES OF NATURE-”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“You’re not my real dad and you never will be!”