You're watching MTV, the cool, brainwashing, twelve-year-old-and-younger station that hides behind a slick image. We're so cool that we decide what's cool. And now, MTV News, the news that is singlehandedly dumbing down our country. Which is cool. Here's your host, Kurt Loder.
Why am I still doing this? I've got to be the oldest person in this network by at least 40 years.
Kurt Loder didn't just say that. No wait, he did just say it, but just to be cool. That's what makes him cool. You think Kurt Loder is cool. And now, the news that's cool.
“Yeah, God hates homos.”
“You’re gonna come into my house and say God hates homosexuals?”
“And the French!”
“God hates the French?”
“Everybody hates the French.”
“Hey wait a minute! Why do I always turn into something lame like ice?! I’m always a wave or a puddle.”
“I don’t know, Zan. This isn’t the time or the place to get into this….”
“When will we talk about it? What kind of superpowers do I really have when you get right down to it?”
“Relax.”
“I could be eaten by a sponge! It wouldn’t even need to be an evil sponge!”
“Just drop it!”
“I’m serious!”
Oblongs Oblongs
Down in the Valley where a chemical spill
Came from the people living up on the Hill
There’s a family next to the landfill
With its hazardous foam
In their happy glowing home
Oblongs!
