The out of context quotes thread

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“I’m Boney! I’m Boney! Leave me alone-ney!”

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"For Calculon's immortal soul, guess the number I'm thinking of."

"Uhm..."

"It's between one and three."

"Four!"

"Between one and three, not including one or three."

"M!"

"Is he right?"

"...Yes. The number I was thinking of was the letter M."

 

[-Blue-]

"Delivery boy? No, not again! Please, anything else!"

"You've been assigned the job you're best at, just like everyone else."

"What if I refuse?"

"Then you'll be fired—"

"Fine!"

"Out of a cannon into the sun!"

Uh, greetings moon man, we come in peace. I am Fry from the planet Earth.
Wise guy, huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach.
But, you are lazy right?
Oh, don't get me started!

(Looks like someone is binging Futurama)

 

[Yoshi155]

Nohammers hardware. Yes, we sell hammers. *facepalm*. NO, IT'S JUST MY NAME!

 

[Yoshi155]

Gosh. Who would have thought bringing a loaded gun to school would be such a disaster?

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Just as I was about to pluck the flower of paradise….”
“Dude! Kids movie!”

 

[Yoshi155]

Dude, you go kill the destroyer of worlds. I'm gonna go get the chairs.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“The fifth thing at Christmas that is such a pain to me: Five months of bills!”

 

[-Blue-]

“The fifth thing at Christmas that is such a pain to me: Five months of bills!”

*Out of nowhere.* ...HANGOVERS!

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

IF YOU’RE SO SMART, YOU RIG UP THE LIGHTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[QueenCobra]

“Are you guys soldiers, or the cast of Magic Mike?”

 

[Yoshi155]

What the H-E-double hell?

 

[xSuperMario64x]

*me playing pokemon* "I swear if this frickin hippo is faster than my sword"

 

[Midoriya]

"And when I die now and you join me in the future, you can tell me then that I too looked super cool going out in a blaze of glory!"

"Aight, man, see you in the afterlife."

...

*some decades pass*

"Hey, you made it to Heaven! ...Is what I would have said, but it looks like you didn't make the cut. You're headed to Hell. Is there anything you would like to say as final words? Anything at all???"

"Yeah, you looked stupid as **** when you died, lol."

---

"And now with Youtube Almighty, you can watch God himself watching everyone play video games!"

"By God, I've created a race of idiots!"

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Where ya going?”
“I’m going to work. Awww we talked about this remember?”
“What’s in it for me?”
“You get to spend the whole day with your Daddy!”
“What’s in it for me?”
“Well uh I’ll come home and tell you all about my day. How’s that?”
“Talk is cheap. Buy me a toy!”

 

[Yoshi155]

Are you happy with your auto insurance coverage?

*silence*

I'm fundraising on behalf of Vermin Supreme for President. Can I count on you for a donation?

*silence*

Now I need to ponder my existence and ask myself if I'm truly real.

You may enter.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“The only couple I know is James and his wife and I don’t know how fun they’ll be. She’s dead. And Canadian!”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

”The last cookie?! IT’S HAPPENING AGAIN!”

 

[Yoshi155]

What are we going to do do?

*screams of a genius*

That might work.

 

[-Blue-]

That missile is targeted to the giant's current position! Where's the giant, Mansley??
Oooh... We can duck and cover! There's a fallout shelter not far from...
There's no way to survive this thing, you idiot!
You mean we're all going to...
To die, Mansley. For our country.
Screw our country! I WANT TO LIVE!