The out of context quotes thread

[Yoshi155]

But I'm a psychic.

No dude, you're a douche.

I'm not a douche! What if I really believe that dead people talk to me?

Then you're a stupid douche.

I think I've had of you bullying me! Get out of my house or I'll run upstairs, lock myself in my panic room and call the police!

I'm nine years old.

*while running upstairs and locking himself in his panic room* I'm not talking to your friend and I'm not a douche! You'd better get out of my house, 'cause I'm gonna call the police!

You are so a douche! I'm nominating you for the Biggest Douche in the Universe award, you douche!

 

[QueenCobra]

"WHO POSTED MY NUDES ON TWITTER DOT COM!?"

 

[Midoriya]

*from me and Aerith messaging on Discord*

Aerith: "I wish thee the goosest of luck."

Me:
"ty
now you have to read all of that again
BUT
while imagining a fiery look in my eyes with fire in the background
like in the Pokemon anime
jk"

Aerith: "LOL."

Me: "XD."

Aerith: "I believe you will be, the very best."

Me: "Like no one ever was?"

Aerith: "To catch them is your real test."

Me: "To train them for my cause."

Aerith: "You will battle across the lands!"

Me: "Searching far and wide."

Aerith: "Teach Pokemon to understand....!"

Me: "The power that's inside!"

Aerith: "P O K E M O N!"

Me: "OH, SO TRUEEEEE..."

Aerith: "OUR COURAGE WILL PULL US THROOOUGGHHH..."

Me: "YOU TEACH ME, AND I'LL TEACH YOU..."

Aerith: "POOOOOOKEEEMOOOONNNNN!"

Me: "GOTTA CATCH EM ALL, GOTTA CATCH EM ALL, PO-KE-MON!"

Me: "LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Me: "That was great."

Aerith: "That's a wrap."

Me:
"i'm
i'm
done
i'm dead."

Aerith:
"You can't be
that's our audition for the next Pokemon theme."

Me:
"LOL
BRO
STOP
I'M LAUGHING TOO HARD
XD!"

 

[Yoshi155]

Woohoo! See that, boy? Your old man was right, not Flanders! We are doomed! In your face, Flanders!

 

[Yoshi155]

This plant violates every labor law in the book. We found a missing Brazilian soccer team working in your reactor core.

That plane crashed in my property!

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“That statue cost me a lot of money and you made me blow it up!”
“But it’s not my- Wait. Did you just say that you blew up the statue?”

 

[Yoshi155]

Hey, he's learning on his own!

Get him!

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Third dimension? I can't picture that! You're dumb!"

"There's nothing funny about science! If there can be an X-axis and a Y-axis, why not a Z-axis?"

"He's opening our minds to new ideas... Kill him!"

 

[Yoshi155]

Now! To the plant! We’ll take the Spruce Moose! Hop in!

But sir-

*cocks gun* I said hop in.

(For context, the Spruce Moose is a toy plane)

 

[Yoshi155]

We're not just sure, we're HIV positive.

(pause)

WILL YOU STOP IT WITH THAT?! What part of this is funny to you?

Kyle, we need to try to find-

What part of being infected with a deadly disease do you find funny?!

I don't think it's funny, Kyle-

Then stop saying you're not just sure, you're HIV positive!

(pause)

(continued) This isn't funny, AIDS isn't funny, dying isn't funny, so shut the **** up!

(pause)

*ahem* Well, excuse me, Kyle, for trying to keep some optimism, you know. I mean, sometimes, when things seem their darkest you just need to try and stay… HIV positive, but if you want to be so HIV negative all the time-

Knock it off right now! This isn't funny! At all!

Are you sure?

Yes!

Are you HIV positive?

*punches him*

Ow, ****, Kyle!

 

[Yoshi155]

You're gonna take my kidneys, aren't you?

Yeah.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“I was forced into a filthy hole at gunpoint! You went into one by choice!”

 

[Yoshi155]

That's the last time I streak traumatized.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“I’ll take them!”
“But you don’t even know what we’re selling.”
“That’s okay. I’m a people pleaser.”
“You just bought the entire wagon, bright eyes!”
*Opens up the big box and finds Helga surrounded by empty cookie boxes and chocolate around her mouth*
“Gasp! Someone ate all the cookies!”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Then he started acting out his stupid book for us, stroking Tiffany’s hair, and telling her all about his anguished soul.”
*Daria gets up to grab the phone*
“What?! He was stroking Tiffany’s hair?!”
“I know. Like if Tiffany would ever date someone who wore a tweed jacket.”
“Daria! Get me the…”
*Sees Daria holding the phone*
“Thank you.”

 

[Yoshi155]

I'm not black, I'm an echidna. What the hell are you talking about?

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Don't they know the order of ****? You get famous first, then you become a heroin addict! Come on, guys!"

 

[Yoshi155]

My calculations were wrong. Even with blue eyes, he still failed.

What made you think a minor palette swap would let him defeat God?

It worked in Dragon Ball Z.

Goddamnit, I never should have given you the Crunchyroll password.

 

[Yoshi155]

It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you.

It's rotten being old. No one listens to you.

I'm a white male, aged 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are!

 

[Yoshi155]

Aha! What's this? A toenail clipper! Die, terrorist!