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What's bothering you?

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sadboy sad for whatever reason :(


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butt pudding has come to make you feel better
 
youre going to make me cry in school dont do this to me just yet its only first period

i dont have a personality of my own i just take bits and pieces from fictional characters and such
i dont even have my own art style i mash some aspects from my fav artists with 'my own'
i am generic
i dont have very unique hobbies
i bake knit draw and sing there is nothing unique about that

im asexual and genderless/agender because i dont know who i am or who i want to be and i should just fade away or sleep and dont wake up
spend my life in a bed where i dont have to deal with

but i have to finish school and that one game im making so i dont let people down

i procrastinate so much because i dont want to do anything

ask me where i want to go or do in town and ill shrug
ask me if i want to see this movie and ill go eh and see it, even if i wouldnt like it

i am blank i am nobody i feel empty inside yet heavy
i dont know anything anymore

Finding your identity always falls together with comparing once personality to others, be it to fictional characters or not.
Not to mention its very common to find your style by rewriting or recreating stories or art from your favourite authors/artists. Especially authors often work that way. Its a great way to hone your talent and a starting point for future projects, when you make subject your own.
Think about it, The Beatles, Friedrich Nietzsche, Rembrandt van Rijn, they all were influenced and worked of work from others. Maybe the struggle you describe means you are getting closer to wanting to find your own style?

Go find a test on the inernet to find out what interests YOU. So not what you feel you have to do for others, or what people expect from you, but find something that tickles your interest. Try and start with that. At your pace, just for yourself. A truth said by millinos of people; Change can be acieved in any given minute.

Every person has an identity, allbeit hidden or not. I thought I was no one. I studied economics (which I hated but my father told me it befitted me), had 0 friends in life, lived for ten years in my bedroom (avoidant personality disorder), I had no clue what to do with my life. For 10 years I just kept telling that to myself. I`m no one, I have no clue who I am, wtf am I even doing here.

After 10 years I was so fed up with it, I started to stop living inwards. By which I mean, instead of finding the answers within myself, I tried finding them around me. The advantage in this, is that its much easier to actually get of your ass and do something meaningful. Meaningful doesn`t even mean finding something to do which you love, it means doing anything. If you don`t like it, cross it of your list, try something else.

Sure I still struggle with myself, but I am progressing. Everybody can progress. Nobody can change your life but you though. So find what you love. I found my answers in books and music. It led me back to my old interests, psychology and communication. Reading is a great way to find yourself, because there is a book on every subject and you know damn well when something moves you or not. A person can`t find uniqueness by looking in, it is found by looking outwards.

You are not trash and you are not nothing. If you were, you wouldn`t be typing that exact thing. If you had no thirst for meaning or change, you wouldn`t vent your heart. Finding your identity is a lifelong quest, `finding out everything now would only be a major spoiler for the end of your life. In truth, most of the happiness you will experience will be found on the way to happiness, when you discover new things about yourself. This period of selfdoubt is a mere stage in that process. But only if you will take up the glove. If you truly are identifiable with what youjust wrote that day will come, because some day the frustration and anger you might start feeling will outweigh the fear and uncertainty (well thats what happened to me, but my point is you are changing even by sitting still. It changes your wellbeing and if this doesn`t feel right, it will change who you are until someday it has changed you so much you won't be able to sit idly by anymore).

Even venting your feelings here, is a step into the limelight, whether you realize it or not.
 
Doctor touched my butt, fun times.
People acting smug because "haha ur so bad at Pokemon xDD" but stalling battles is just so boring ffs.

Being single.

It sucks.
How, being single is like the best thing ever.
 
Doctor touched my butt, fun times.
People acting smug because "haha ur so bad at Pokemon xDD" but stalling battles is just so boring ffs.


How, being single is like the best thing ever.

#memefriends5ever.
 
Dang, what was it? It sucked when my Bearded Dragon died on Xmas.

rip anywho

It's weird though, I've been spending heaps of time caring for it as it's been sick lately so I thought I'd be prepared :/
 
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