I wonder if I'll ever stop wishing I could have pursued a different major. I told myself it probably wouldn't be a good fit for me but I can't stop wishing and dreaming of how nice and fun it would have been if I could. Should I wait till I'm older to pursue that major? Would I move all the way to Socal for it? Would I even get accepted? How would I find the time and money to do so?
I feel sad and dissapointed because I just feel like I was forced to "just choose one" major and it's so sad to me that they don't allow people to transfer in to the major of my wanting. Like I was given one opportunity and I blew it. Sure I could try again but only if i were a transfer or graduate and even then the chances are low. I wonder if I'll ever feel fulfilled in my future career but it just doesnt seem as fun and inviting to me? Especially the students that take the major course classes...They're all involved in the justice system somehow - either because their relative is an officer or lawyer or by other means. They seem so serious all the time and intimidating, and sure the course itself if interesting but I ALWAYS think about that major I told myself I wouldn't be a good fit for and not getting accepted into the program made it even more true.
I know I'm still young but in light of everything, I can't just go out and move away to socal where there are more schools offering these programs. I don't want to sound rude or anything but I get so so upset when I see people who did get accepted into the major and their work is just subpar at most atm. I can't help but feel so much hatred for my high school and the things they made me go through which resulted in a lower gpa than the preferred. I was right at the minimum and of course those with higher gpas would be accepted regardless of their art skill. It looks so fun being a part of their major group and activities. And sure it's kind of a "clique" thing but the closeness and shared interests that they have must be so fun to be a part of. I love many of the things they do and it hurts when I go to my current major classes where everyone is just so dead quiet and serious most of the time. It just isn't me.
I knew one girl in my english class and her art was great! She would dread about the workload (since the major is known to be very exhausting) but a part of me wished that I could have those sleepless nights finishing up projects and stuff. I don't know if I'll ever be satisfied currently and I'm worried about what I'll do for the future. I still think it's basically impossible to fly out to socal and attend school there. My parents would kill me and I'd be so far from home. This school was honestly my one and only option and I chose it mainly in hopes of getting into the major I wanted and yet I didn't. There is no other school nearby that offers the same program.
I hate how I had my hopes up that I could possible transfer in because their site literally says you can. I even called one time and the lady said I could but then when I go in person to ask a counselor they just shoo me away and say it's not possible and 'sorry'. I feel so lost and sad and angry.