What's Bothering You?

Im losing my mind

I am almost 17 years old and i still don't have my multiplication tables memorized and still barely know how to do division

Im still stuck on the same math book that's for 6th grade math and ive been stuck for over a year and in fact im literally redoing it bc i failed the test for it last year (im homeschooled)

Im just so behind and at this rate im NEVER going to catch up

Doesn't help that im autistic and have adhd so it's just even harder for me ?!? math is my weak point and im hardly even able to concentrate on it and i completely lack motivation for it i hate this

Also feel this. Currently taking high school math and I barely understand any of it. Why are the problems in the textbook so much easier than the ones on the assignment? How are these people getting 100s? I feel like I’m going to fail this next test and with how much emphasis my school puts on test scores it’s going to make me feel like crap in the end. Everything was fine in elementary and middle school, what happened here?

Off topic now but for some reason I feel like something life-changing and horrible is going to happen today and I don’t understand why.
 
Speaking about maths for myself.. and being autistic/asperger person. i probably failed so much cause i couldn't see the whole picture of, and equation or whatever it might have been. it was just funny arrows and creatures and numbers for me.
 
got a flat tire and I'm so close to home yet so far 😭😭

edit: almost two hours later I finally made it home, I'm quite cold lol. need to get under my heated blanket for a bit. bless the state trooper who stopped to help me out 🙏💞
 
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I’m using sparkling power sandwiches to try to get shiny Klawf, so far I’m up to FIVE shiny Nacli (and who knows how many I’ve driven past, cuz they’re small and I don’t really look at them), and not one shiny Klawf. 😭
 
I’m using sparkling power sandwiches to try to get shiny Klawf, so far I’m up to FIVE shiny Nacli (and who knows how many I’ve driven past, cuz they’re small and I don’t really look at them), and not one shiny Klawf. 😭

Got frustrated with Klawf and decided to move onto shiny Salazzle/female Salandit…… I’m now up to 9 shiny male Salandit. ☠️

edit: now at 22 shiny males, starting to think this just wasn’t meant to be 😆
 
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I find it hard to get close to people or like people as a person because if they eventually get mad/yell at me/distance themselves, I get very upset, but my sadness is much stronger for the first two. I’m going to get upset more if someone I thought we were cool or someone I liked as a person yells at me than if a random person or someone I’m not friendly with yells at me. This sadness usually affects me the whole day, but after a day passes, I’m much better. It’s very short lived… but the sadness is very intense and gets better as time passes.

Mentions of slight homophobia:
Also, someone I’m working with started talking about queers and asking me what that means, and goes on to say that she doesn’t understand it. It just randomly got brought up and I’m unsure what the point of bringing it up was when the conversation had nothing to do with LGBTQ.
 
Felt like I had the energy to actually cook something today, but I also realized we didn't have most ingredients and the stupid garlic started growing soggy sprouts :/
 
parents who say "my kids are too young to learn abt gay couples" are literally the biggest hypocrites ever and are also the most aggravating kind of people. I'm watching a video abt Strange Worlds and the review bombs it got bc parents were mad that there wasn't a "sexual content" disclaimer. like really?? having straight people in a kids movie is fine but as soon as they include an openly gay character suddenly we need a disclaimer? I seriously have no patience for people like this.

also hate that people constantly sexualize the LGBT+ community when there are literally people like me, asexuals, who don't want anything to do with that. it's just generalizing and I'm frankly tired of it.


I really don't want to discuss this w anyone so please don't quote/reply.
 
I’m so ****ing sick of people using me for work and money and treating me like ****
 
Called back for the third year in a row, embarrassed in public for the third year in a row, put in ensemble for the second year in a row (wasnt even cast the first time❤️). I know my theater teacher likes to play favorites, but this hurts more than she will know.

I deserve better and I know I'm more talented than she thinks.
 
I never realized how much this affects me until now

I have this tendency to be piqued by controversial topics and discourse
85% of the time it really doesn't matter to me because it's not something that affects me but then sometimes I purposely read negative discourse about something I'm a part of (e.g LGBTQphobia and I'm part of LGBTQ) and then I'm essentially just doomscrolling at this point
and filling my thoughts of negativity
I can't really control what strikes my curiosity and the reason I purposely read negative discourse about topics that affect me
is because I want to understand why people hate me for seemingly no reason because I'm part of a group of minority they hate
like why do transphobes hate and attack me for no reason I literally did nothing wrong except exist as a transgender person

I want to permanently break this habit of reading things I know will upset me and just be around people who will accept me for who I am
why must I have morbid curiosity
this is extremely relatable i feel you
I used to do that all the time when i was on twitter and instagram and it messed up my mental health a lot
the only way i was able to stop was to just straight up quit them
 
dunno why but i have a huge problem when talking to anyone except my two closest friends, that i automatically assume the person I'm talking to doesn't actually want to talk to me and they're just pretending to like me to not upset me, or think im boring ect ect ect i hate it
 
It’s December now and I’m still having bugs fly in my eye
 
I think that I’m going to quit the Excel course that I’m enrolled in. The quizzes are frustrating because the lecture video will seem ok; but then the attached quizzes will sometimes have questions about stuff that wasn’t covered in the class.

For example, the video was about troubleshooting in Excel. It discribed stuff like #NAME? and ######. However, the quiz asked something like, “Which of the following functions would result in an errror?” We did not cover any of those functions.

Also, I barely have time to study. I try to study when my nephew is asleep and after babysitting. However, I’m constantly interrupted by my family.
 
I don’t want to go to work tomorrow. I feel so stressed out and emotionally unstable and my body is in so much pain right now. Starting to think of how miserable and alone I am is making me feel worse.
 
The charging port on my phone is broken. I have a magnetic phone charger so it’s not an issue, but I wish the port worked. It would be so much easier. I think the port is dirty.
 
my dad didn't buy anything for me to make for dinner while at the store so once again I'm left scrounging for little scraps around the kitchen that I could possibly make. either that or just eat pepperoni with crackers for dinner 🙃
 
For the past couple of months, I have just been very unmotivated to do anythin I actually want to do. I thought it was just my job draining me, but even after quitting (I didn't quit just cause the job was draining, there are SEVERAL MANY other much more worse reasons I quit, one big one being my boss be crazy) I'm still so unmotivated to do ANYTHIN. I want to take up drawing again, I want to play different videogames, I want to do other artsy stuff, I want to learn how to play the kalimba and ocarina I have sitting in my drawers, untouched. I want to be the person I used to and have so many hobbies that I would just flip a coin and do whichever. I want to have energy and motivation to actually do stuff I used to like to do. I also want to redecorate my room and clean it. It's cleaner than it was, but it's still not all the way clean. I've atleast made small progress.

But I remember the days I could dedicate hours to clean my room. I would have the patience to spend an hour on a drawing, only for it to look bad in the end, but I still did it. I used to want to play so many videogames that I didn't know which one to play first. I used to have excitement in my life, but life just feels meh. And I have been doing fun stuff, like going out with friends and buying stuff like crystals, and I do enjoy that stuff. But idk. When I'm at home I don't have anythin that brings me excitement anymore.

ACNH bores me, not only for lack of content, but because I no longer have a clear idea of what I want to do with my island, how to decorate it. I literally need everythin planned out. Skyrim, the game I've been obsessively playing since I got it a year ago, does not run well on the Switch. It froze on me three times within ten minutes of playing. I feel like there will come to a point where I simply can not play the game I love so much.

Idk how to get out of this funk.
 
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