What's Bothering You?

I'm probably overexaggerating on this, but today hasn't been good for me. The weather was meh, public transit was bad today both heading to college and back. I also had so much trouble getting something put back together in one of my classes with my phone screen cracking in the process after four years of owning it, all because I dropped an object on top of it. I'm really frustrated by the last two since the damage on my phone is a nagging reminder of how my class today got me pretty aggravated. So aggravated that I had to take a few minutes for myself outside of the classroom at one point and not cause a scene. Tried my best to keep a cool head from there completing what I had to do and bottling up my anger. I'm honestly not in the mood to participate in the egg decorating contest either.

I really don't like posting in here, but it's one of those days where I needed to get something off my shoulders. 😔
 
VanitasFan26 said:
Gas Prices are starting to go back up yet again. If this keeps up I would not be able to drive my car.
Click to expand...
yeah im applying for a job that's a 40 min drive away rn and I think it'll be an amazing opportunity, but I'm absolutely dreading having to buy gas to get there and back however many days a week.
 
Earlier today my nephew fell and lost a tooth. I think that he swallowed it. I couldn’t find it on the floor. My family tried to reassure me, but I still feel awful. Seeing him cry and not find his place hurts my heart.
 
my DSiXL is really trying to give me a heart attack today.

so I've been setting up custom firmware on my DSi today (I have CFW on my 3DS and Wii too, I don't use it to cheat, mostly to get custom themes, ROM hacks, and do save editing when need be) and with the help of the DSi Hacking discord server it's been going smoothly... until it didn't. at one point I tried to turn on my DSi and the health and safety splash screen came up, but then froze and the screen would go black and act like it was in sleep mode (with the blue power light pulsating) even though the console was still open. I was able to boot into the Unaluncher menu (basically just a homebrew menu), but nothing else. I was freaking out bc I already ruined my old Super Mario Bros DSi (though for a different reason) and I didn't want to ruin this one too.

I was going through different applications trying to open them and see which ones worked. I couldn't boot the game cart. I couldn't boot Twilight Menu. I was able to boot Pictochat though, so then I tried to boot the System Settings. that booted just fine, and I was surprisingly able to get back to the DSi menu and boot the game cart as well. then suddenly Twilight Menu started working again. and then miraculously now the console boots up perfectly fine and doesn't freeze on a black screen anymore. I tried turning it off and back on again a few times, and yeah, it's fine now.

I have no idea what happened but I literally was on the brink of a panic attack bc I know that putting CFW runs a very small risk of bricking your console. I mean I have the NAND backed up so even if it did brick I could prob fix it, but my anxiety is loosely out of control anyways. hopefully I don't encounter this issue again.
 
VanitasFan26 said:
Gas Prices are starting to go back up yet again. If this keeps up I would not be able to drive my car.
Click to expand...
Yeah it sucks. I used to drive a full sized truck and it was around $40-60 to fill it up and that was around the early 2010s. I have a small truck now that is good on gas and it was always $20 and now it's easily $50.
 
The only thing that is preventing me from finding a job is these job interviews. Every single one I've been too its always the same stupid stuff. I go in, they ask me a bunch questions, and they say "We'll give you a call and see if you qualify for the job". Days and weeks go by and I don't get a single call back. I tried calling them a few times but they its just "We'll get back to you shortly". Feeling frustrated I told them I did a job interview with them a while ago and I wanted to know why is this taking so long. The response I got was "Well we did hire some people so I guess you didn't quality for the job" and I was left feeling very mad and felt like I wasted my time.
 
My dad literally said to his friend on the phone, "she (referring to me) says she's non-binary, but she's like the most typical woman!" right in front of me. Just because it was in French, doesn't mean I won't understand. Obviously I got upset about it, and my dad said "Well I just think you fit into the category of female". How he views me isn't gonna change who I am, but I don't know why he would say that when I'm right next to him.

Of course my brother makes things worse by staring at me, telling my dad about my new name when I specifically wanted to keep it hidden from my family, and rudely saying to me "What are you sulking about, [deadname]?" Now I feel like absolute ****. I was already feeling bad during the past few weeks and not getting along with my family, and this is just extra fuel for the fire.
 
I got scheduled for a closing shift at my main store next Saturday and I really don’t want to do it. I prefer mornings and I’m high key thinking about making myself sick so I can leave that day. The sparkling waters give me headaches so all it takes is a few sips. I don’t care so much for having weekends off as much as I do having closing shifts. I’d rather do just mornings, even if my days off change.
 
Want to change my gender marker on my ID when I get my real ID… but my mom already bought my plane ticket and they’ll deny me boarding if I have anything other than female on my ID. 🙄
 
Was put on a new sleep medication. First night taking it and I feel so disconnected from my body.

I’ve always had the worst insomnia, and this is the first time taking medicine for it. Not looking forward to it
 
I shared a selfie on a Discord server and a few people starting attacking my appearance very harshly (they compared it to a criminal). I told the mods and they mocked me. They claimed I had to “earn” respect in order for people to not treat me poorly. The irony is on the Discord server database I was using claimed it was a “nontoxic” server. From now on I’ll be more careful where I show my face and not search for public servers.
 
My dad at 9:00: “We need to leave at 11:30.”

My dad at 11:00: “Why aren’t you ready?!! We need to leave!”

Me: “I thought you said we were leaving at 11:30.”

My dad: “NO! I never said that! We’re going to be late!”

😐
 
I hope it's okay that I uploaded all 3 of those videos within 24 hours of each other, I originally meant for it to be one long video with all 3 parts but then I realized it would be well over an hour long so I split it into 3 different videos. I just don't want to reduce my chance of getting views bc they were uploaded so close together.

honestly really tired after all that editing, now I need to take a shower and work on a commission AND I have an idea for a new yt avatar finally so i want to sketch that AND I need to finish the egg hunt puzzles, among other things to do this evening. it's like I can't live without either being busy bc of outside obligations or bc I can't handle not being busy constantly haha OTL
 
I’ve been so anxious over the rude comments that now I wish I could get plastic surgery. If only it weren’t so expensive…
 
this is kinda wack but I've mentioned it here before and it's still really bothering me so I'm mentioning it again.

so a week or so ago I had a really strange dream, i dont quite know how to explain it. I dreamt that I met some kind of spirit, who asked me and some others to work with them. we could either exist in pairs w others and be like still alive but having those abilities, or we could go full on and basically give up all autonomy and become spirits ourselves. yeah so the premise itself is weird enough, imagine being someone like me who frequently has weird dreams and hallucinates upon waking up at any point in the night.

well I just woke up a bit ago having a somewhat brief panic attack because I thought that I had somehow been forced to agree to live this life of being, like, a living spirit, and I woke up bc the person assigned as my partner was trying to communicate w me in my sleep?? and like I'm ofc still a living person but I can feel something controlling everything I say and do, and I myself have no control. it's like watching someone else control you and you can't do anything but watch.

now luckily a bit after waking up I realize that this is all fake and pretty ridiculous to think that it's real, but it happens a lot and every time it happens I do believe it's real and it greatly impacts the amount/quality of sleep I get.
now it's almost 2am and I'm basically wide awake again, after all that time I spent trying to go to sleep. 😞

edit: I FINALLY FELL BACK ASLEEP AND IT ****ING HAPPENED AGAIN
please I'm so tired of this, just me let sleep so I can wake up feeling refreshed for once. I can guarantee I'll be feeling anything but refreshed when I gotta get up at 8am today.
now I'm almost too scared to go back to sleep now to be honest...
 
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