What's Bothering You?

this is kinda wack but I've mentioned it here before and it's still really bothering me so I'm mentioning it again.

so a week or so ago I had a really strange dream, i dont quite know how to explain it. I dreamt that I met some kind of spirit, who asked me and some others to work with them. we could either exist in pairs w others and be like still alive but having those abilities, or we could go full on and basically give up all autonomy and become spirits ourselves. yeah so the premise itself is weird enough, imagine being someone like me who frequently has weird dreams and hallucinates upon waking up at any point in the night.

well I just woke up a bit ago having a somewhat brief panic attack because I thought that I had somehow been forced to agree to live this life of being, like, a living spirit, and I woke up bc the person assigned as my partner was trying to communicate w me in my sleep?? and like I'm ofc still a living person but I can feel something controlling everything I say and do, and I myself have no control. it's like watching someone else control you and you can't do anything but watch.

now luckily a bit after waking up I realize that this is all fake and pretty ridiculous to think that it's real, but it happens a lot and every time it happens I do believe it's real and it greatly impacts the amount/quality of sleep I get.
now it's almost 2am and I'm basically wide awake again, after all that time I spent trying to go to sleep. 😞

edit: I FINALLY FELL BACK ASLEEP AND IT ****ING HAPPENED AGAIN
please I'm so tired of this, just me let sleep so I can wake up feeling refreshed for once. I can guarantee I'll be feeling anything but refreshed when I gotta get up at 8am today.
now I'm almost too scared to go back to sleep now to be honest...
 
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I just read an email saying that someone I work with has passed away 😣 I wasn't close to him and never worked closely with him but the times I've interacted with him he seemed like a really good guy. He was even helping with the cleanup after the cyclone in the small town that he lived in. Never complained that his own house was a bit of a mess, just got on with it 😣 He had worked for the company for 37 years.

Kia kaha to his family and arohanui 💔
 
Wish I werent so miserable rn
defeated
that sun and moon egg collectable is cool, I have zero energy to participate
or be there for myself
new glases are annoying and hard to wear
Easter, feeling alone, no goals, worse health
 
🤢
I've been ill since March 9th. The antibiotics I'm on are far worse than the initial infection. Last night I left my friend's birthday dinner mid-meal due to sudden sickness. This is the fourth day I've taken off work in 2 weeks. I'm so over feeling awful 24/7.
 
Chris said:
🤢
I've been ill since March 9th. The antibiotics I'm on are far worse than the initial infection. Last night I left my friend's birthday dinner mid-meal due to sudden sickness. This is the fourth day I've taken off work in 2 weeks. I'm so over feeling awful 24/7.
Click to expand...
I feel ya, I’ve been ill since Thursday and it’s just getting worse. I think it’s a sinus infection, so I’ll be getting to the doctor today. I had a migraine all day yesterday on top of it. I hope you get well soon!
 
i've been sick as a dog for the past two (going on three) weeks. last week i was sniffing and sneezing, and now i've just been coughing and hacking all over the place. my throat feels terrible too. :(
 
xSuperMario64x said:
this is kinda wack but I've mentioned it here before and it's still really bothering me so I'm mentioning it again.

so a week or so ago I had a really strange dream, i dont quite know how to explain it. I dreamt that I met some kind of spirit, who asked me and some others to work with them. we could either exist in pairs w others and be like still alive but having those abilities, or we could go full on and basically give up all autonomy and become spirits ourselves. yeah so the premise itself is weird enough, imagine being someone like me who frequently has weird dreams and hallucinates upon waking up at any point in the night.

well I just woke up a bit ago having a somewhat brief panic attack because I thought that I had somehow been forced to agree to live this life of being, like, a living spirit, and I woke up bc the person assigned as my partner was trying to communicate w me in my sleep?? and like I'm ofc still a living person but I can feel something controlling everything I say and do, and I myself have no control. it's like watching someone else control you and you can't do anything but watch.

now luckily a bit after waking up I realize that this is all fake and pretty ridiculous to think that it's real, but it happens a lot and every time it happens I do believe it's real and it greatly impacts the amount/quality of sleep I get.
now it's almost 2am and I'm basically wide awake again, after all that time I spent trying to go to sleep. 😞

edit: I FINALLY FELL BACK ASLEEP AND IT ****ING HAPPENED AGAIN
please I'm so tired of this, just me let sleep so I can wake up feeling refreshed for once. I can guarantee I'll be feeling anything but refreshed when I gotta get up at 8am today.
now I'm almost too scared to go back to sleep now to be honest...
Click to expand...
update, I just woke up from yet another panic attack because I could literally feel myself being dragged back into this absolute insanity, and I legitimately fear for my life when it happens. I don't know what to do about it. I'm supposed to have a job interview that's a 40 min drive away in less than 9 hours and I can't even go to sleep without waking up from hellish nightmares and hallucinations.
 
Been struggling with my mental health since before Christmas and usually it’s just a phase and I snap out of it but this time is just a rough ride - most days I’m just waiting to sleep but I gotta be all upbeat and happy during the day so my kids don’t notice and it is so draining.

I’m also absolutely hating my job, they expect us to do the job of 3+ people with no thanks or recognition, when I have been sick with sickness bugs/covid they guilt tripped me into going in even though I was not well enough to work.

My little boy is going through an autism diagnosis and this has been ongoing for 2+ years I just want the diagnosis so we can get better things in place to help with his school & home life.

I feel like everyone in my life I put more effort in with everything than they do, I buy personal presents for birthdays/anniversaries/Christmas and then the effort I get back is just not the same.

I was also recently diagnosed with Coeliac Disease meaning I can’t have anything with gluten in which is a massive life change to me, I used to really enjoy food whereas now I find myself eating the same things all the time and my love for food is slowly drifting into the distance. When we’re deciding where to eat my boyfriend regularly ‘forgets’ that I cannot just go anywhere to eat because there’s a lot I can’t have☹️

Sorry for the long post just needed to get it out somewhere. I am on the waiting list for therapy but mental health is currently a crisis in the UK so waiting times are a lot longer than they have been in the past.
 
My mental health has been going to absolute **** this past month. I struggle with anxiety, depression, paranoia, PTSD, and probably some type of personality disorder, most likely BPD, but I haven't been able to get a professional diagnosis yet, so idk.
I recently found out that my girlfriend is moving schools, and ever since then, thoughts like, "She'll find someone better," or "She's gonna leave you/cheat on you," things like that. Out of sight, out of mind, after all. Now, my mom, being the lovely human that she is, said that I can also move to that school if I so wish, but I'm afraid that if I do, I'll seem clingy and needy, or maybe I'll give off overprotective/Yandere stalker girlfriend vibes, and I don't want that. Also, my best friend is also planning to move schools, but not to the same one my gf is, and I don't really have any other friends at my current school, so now I'm torn between staying at my current school, moving with my girlfriend, or moving with my best friend, and it's really eating away at me.
Also, in the past month alone, my terrible mood swings and my ****ty communication skills have lost me like 5 friends so that's fun
 
mom called me a, "selfish, spiteful [word i can't say]" after starting an argument with me for making food late at night. (my new medication has screwed up my sleeping schedule.) now she's refusing to take me to my volunteering job and benefits appointment tomorrow. fun!
 
I woke up yet again only an hour or two after falling asleep, dealing with a panic attack. it's gotten to a point now where I always look to a certain spot in my room to find whatever it is I feel is threatening me. luckily it didn't happen again after I fell asleep a second time, but it's still really frustrating to deal with. I have slept well in at least a week 😭

also this was technically last night but I love when my 51 y.o dad has an attitude w me over something I simply brought up, I wasn't being rude at all. just when I think I can actually get along w him he does stupid **** like that. like if you can't have a sense of humor, especially if you're using your attitude as a conversation starter, then you're really not worth my time.
 
woke up and my back hurts 🙃

also im on spring break but i have to do a project and i don’t feel like doing it
 
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