What's Bothering You?

My mother is really getting under my skin with her manipulation and down talking. I'm so close to snapping and hurting her feelings because she is the type of person to yell for hours because she feels like that gets her point across.
 
My grandma’s gonna flip when she sees my eyebrows, lmao. Now I really look like a male. I haven’t actually seen her in over a month.
 
No matter how hard I try to be happy and try to act everything is okay it is NOT okay. I know so many people try to tell me "things will get better" but the point is nothing in my life gets better. I've been made to suffer because it seems like everything and everyone is against me no matter what I do. I try to do stuff in life, I try to do my best to get through, and all I get is just a major rejection. If I wasn't born with a stupid mental disorder maybe my life would've been better but instead I am just looked at as a "joke" wherever I go.
 
I’m just having my weekly pit of depression mode rn lol. My coworker (who I like and is trustworthy) also passed on something my higher up boss said about me, saying he doesn’t want me in his team and didn’t want to work with me. It hurts. I’m already struggling to fit in and this just makes me feel worse. Not to mention that the higher up boss has obvious favourites and is blatantly sexist. Just so over work rn.
 
recently i've begun to feel upset because i haven't talked to or met up w// my old friends at all. i've been wanting to catch up with them or or something but i have no idea how to. i really do miss their company. i'm scared that i've waited too long and that it's too late to do anything about it. i want to try but i. just. dont. know. HOWWW. and i'm really SCARED of doing so anyway. ik this sounds like self-pitting nonsense and im pretty sure it is but idc at this point

when my brother passed away, i became heavily introverted and just isolated myself from people, including my friends. i completely sucked back then and it KILLS me that because of it, i think i ended up ruining some of my closest relationships. i wouldn't be surprised if they hate me now. i can barely even hold conversation with the friends i talk to now. i can't hold conversation with anyone. i'm just so awkward and off-putting irl and i hate myself so much for that.

i was so happy earlier today and i even posted on the "what are you happy about today?" thread but it's all gone now because i just started thinking about them and then got really sad over it :-(( ive been crying for like an hour now over this and i feel pathetic and embarrassed and ughjhhhj,nscdj i need to sleep

edit: nevermind i'm normal again it's okay(ish) now
 
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I just realized its been over 10 years since I graduated high school and I feel like I haven't done much. I don't have my own car, I don't have a job (cannot even get one because I'm on Social Security), and I don't how my own car license. Also I never went to college because I just don't want to be wrapped up in Student Loan debts. I feel so pathetic......
 
my relationship is making me extremely unhappy and im so terrified that my boyfriend is putting me in a high pedistal and im afraid to tell him that I'm upset with him because it'll break him and i just can't deal with the guilt oh God
 
Ended my long term relationship. The person I was convinced I would spend the rest of my life with. Couldn’t take the lies and disrespect anymore. The other time we were on the brink of breaking up I cried and cried, but there’s no tears left now. Just anger. So, so much anger.
 
everybody's so gloomy this morning :-(( sucks cuz i was in such a great mood lately but yesterday just came and clocked all the happiness out of me
 
I'm worried about 2 of my three dogs. Monday can't come soon enough and of course it was the weekend. Almost Monday. At least one didn't start until today, but ugh, it just means whatever it is, is contagious or super coincidence due to age.
 
I hate having only one day off. Not being able to really do anything the night before or the day off because I have to be at work the next day. And that it screws up my sleep schedule because I end up sleeping a bit later and feel groggy throughout the day.

I still do stuff and get work done around the house.
 
Every step our useless penny-pinching new owners take with this company brings me one step closer to putting in my two weeks notice. I don't know how much longer I'm going to last at this place, which is a shame because it used to be a great place to work.
 
anxiety is through the roof, I hate when it happens at this hour cause there's basically nothing I can do about it. if I didn't have so much self control I would be very tempted to go to a hospital. I can't handle this 😞

edit: I'm feeling better now, need to stop forgetting my anxiety meds oops
 
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The worst medical news for me just came and this what I feared. My a1c results came back and it's 9.4 the enderconologist I had last year screwed me over telling me I was "cured" of diabetes. I've never felt so betrayed and lied to in my life. Despite eating healthy and exercising it wasn't enough.
 
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