What's Bothering You?

Apparently someone spread a rumor that I’m dating the cook from my second job, lol. I’m being told someone from my first job started it but I don’t know why it would’ve started in the first place. I try to avoid drama…
 
House prices are so ridiculous in urban America right now. One of my moms and I are looking for a house in the Seattle area and we can't find anything good under $500,000. We've decided to start saving up for an apartment in a suburb until the prices go down a bit. Considering the fact we're already paying $2000+ a month for our two bedroom apartment, money is very tight. Neither of us will be making any casual purchases for upwards of a year. Instead of buying new games and books I'll be using the library and clearing my game backlog. I have a nasty spending habit, so it'll be quite difficult.

On the bright side the intensive therapy I had back in January has made a huge difference and I'm making good progress with my new therapist. It's a shame I'll have to switch once I move, but that's what I get for moving for the sake of education and job opportunities.
 
I was misgendered today looking for socks. Like he asking me what size I wear and I said “men’s 9” and he said “woman’s 9” so they’d work. I didn’t wanna argue so I just said they were for my boyfriend and that got the conversation back on track. I thought I looked like a male. A 15 year old one at that, but a male nonetheless.

It’s probably my voice.
 
Everything is bothering me tbh. I’m just physically and emotionally exhausted.
 
I really don't understand why people I know personally start following me on social media but don't bother to interact with me at all. Whether that's through likes, comments or personal messages. I'm not a statistic, I'm a human being and I'd like to be treated like one from time to time and no I'm not going to be the one to constantly make the effort when I didn't reach out first.
 
When when WHEN is my life going to truly start? When am I going to feel like myself again? When are things going to go my way only ONCE. I try I try so hard I've done nothing but try for months, years and always, ALWAYS something sets everything back. Am I going to waste another year? For things out my control? When is something going to be under my control just a little. I'm not getting younger, I am young but I don't feel like it sometimes, like I'm on a timer to do or be certain things, sometimes I don't even feel like myself. I just want something to actually go my way for once, something good.
 
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i'm way too burnt out. my life has been a rollercoaster this past year. missed job opportunities, health issues, substance abuse, therapy, meetings, sponsors, grad school. i've done so much to try to get my life back on track and it still feels like an uphill battle. every day is exhausting. i know it won't be like this forever, but still. i'm overloading myself on grad school classes so i can finish in the spring and start looking for professional work, but the itch to go back to my old ways is ever there. i need a break.
 
This has been really bothering me and its about seeing so many doctors:
Okay I'm a 28 year old and I weigh 330 Pounds who has medical conditions like Hypertension and Type 2 Diabetes. I've been refered to several doctors and they are giving me so many medications to treat. The medications I am taking are Rybelsus 3 MG/ 7MG, Amlodipine 10 MG, Glipizide 5 MG, Hydrazine 50 MG, and Carvediol 25 MG to treat the conditions I have mentioned.

The Doctors that I'm refered too by my Primary Care Doctor are:

Cardiologist (who prescribed Amlodipine 10 MG) diagnosed with Essential Hypertension

Endocrinologist (who prescribed Glipizide 5 MG and Rybelsus 3 MG/7 MG) diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes

Ophthalmologist (yet to see) diagnosed with Diabetes Mellitus, New Onset

Gastroenterologist (yet to see) diagonsed with Nonalcoholic Steatohepatitis

The question that I am asking is do I have to see this many doctors? So far they have been telling me the same advice about "losing weight, excercising, and cutting back on junk food" which I've been doing for the longest time yet despite that I am not losing any weight no matter how hard I tried. Seeing this many doctors is putting so much stress on me.
 
My neighbor replaced all of his faded and tattered political flags with new even more obnoxious ones. People are truly crazy. I mean...political opinions aside, these things just look like trash. I hate the aesthetic of people with their tacky signs and flags.
 
My neighbor replaced all of his faded and tattered political flags with new even more obnoxious ones. People are truly crazy. I mean...political opinions aside, these things just look like trash. I hate the aesthetic of people with their tacky signs and flags.
Can't really blame you. politics is so more divided than ever before. No matter which side you're on its always insults back and forth.
 
Can't really blame you. politics is so more divided than ever before. No matter which side you're on its always insults back and forth.
I think broadcasting political opinions in general is just, not a good idea? It always ends in arguments. I shake my head when I see someone wearing political gear out and about.
 
I literally have no reason to be dealing with this much physical anxiety. everything is just fine, great even, but I'm just over here trembling and heart racing as if someone is threatening me.

if this doesn't stop by tomorrow I may have to get in touch w my psychiatrist, though I really hate to deal w it for another day 🙃
 
I had sleep paralysis last night for the first time since I was a teenager 🙃 Nothing like seeing the silhouette of a hand reaching over the side of your bed at 4am!!
 
i want the ground to open up and swallow me whole and suck me down into the oblivion that i deserve to be in

(aka: i only got 3 hours of sleep and im tired)
 
I really don't understand why people I know personally start following me on social media but don't bother to interact with me at all. Whether that's through likes, comments or personal messages. I'm not a statistic, I'm a human being and I'd like to be treated like one from time to time and no I'm not going to be the one to constantly make the effort when I didn't reach out first.
For what it’s worth I often follow/friend people I want to talk to at some point so I kind of remember to do so, especially these days where so many sites let you change usernames I could remember icon/posting style but forget names unless I saw someone again. I’m not exactly great at acting on it, I’m anxious.

but if you aren’t even getting likes, yeah I get it. Being on discord servers where nobody would even leave a react on my casual messages even tho i was invited by friends etc
 
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