What's Bothering You?

Just frustrated at myself. I don't think I ever let go of an old flame and I'm just stuck with random thumps. 😮‍💨
 
My partner doesn't see me as a guy. Not even a guy who happens to be feminine. I don't blame him and had a feeling, it just stings to have it confirmed. Not like he said this unprompted, I asked for a dead honest answer, and I don't know if that was better than being unsure lol.

I'll never feel included within groups of boys
 
The fact that no matter what I seem to do, I keep getting distracted and sidetracked and end up procrastinating on everything! I'm also mad I couldn't get straight A's this semester. I graduate on friday and this semester was my last chance, I've never gotten straight A's before for the aforementioned reason. It just sucks man :( I'm smart enough my brain just hates me
 
2 out of my 4 friends bailed on our PLANNED dinner tomorrow. we've been planning this since last month. i know they have other obligations and i totally understand, but it would have helped if they had TOLD ME PRIOR TO THE EVENT instead of literally just now.

i'm glad that at least i have one friend that's going but i would have enjoyed all of us going :( no point of dwelling on it now though, i already brought a dress and did my hair so i'm gonna get my money's worth regardless.
 
I keep worrying over something today and I don't know what to do. Something is going to go wrong this month, I just know it.
 
My WiFi issues are still making me worried for my upcoming online interview.

I use portable WiFi (Galaxy something-something lol) and for the most part it's reliable, but in the last few weeks it'll suddenly cut out. Sometimes it's when I'm in a video call, but other times I can't seem to find out why it would happen.

I've been turning off WiFi on my phones when I'm not using them and lowering the quality on videos I watch to try to improve things. It was working for a while, but then yesterday it still cut out during a video chat and then today when I was just working in a browser.

I have an online interview next week over Zoom. I already turned off the HD setting to save bandwidth, but I tried Googling and can't figure out if the "blur background" or "fix appearance" features use bandwidth or not.

I'm going to try shutting off more background programs on my computer to try to help before the interview and also talk to the place that sold me the WiFi to see if they have advice. But this is still causing me stress. I'm considering getting a rental space nearby for the interview but the ones with LAN are already booked so it'd just be regular WiFi and I can't be positive how reliable it'll be.

If anyone has advice I'd greatly appreciate it!
 
2 out of my 4 friends bailed on our PLANNED dinner tomorrow. we've been planning this since last month. i know they have other obligations and i totally understand, but it would have helped if they had TOLD ME PRIOR TO THE EVENT instead of literally just now.

i'm glad that at least i have one friend that's going but i would have enjoyed all of us going :( no point of dwelling on it now though, i already brought a dress and did my hair so i'm gonna get my money's worth regardless.
update: my last friend bailed on me. it's not gonna happen. my birthday dinner isn't happening. i literally spent so much money on getting stuff for it and now it's not even happening. i cant stop crying right now im literally so upset i just want to scream
 
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update: my last friend bailed on me. it's not gonna happen. my birthday dinner isn't happening. i literally spent so much money on getting stuff for it and now it's not even happening. i cant stop crying right now im literally so upset i just want to scream
aww I know we don't really interact much but I feel like you really need a hug 😔 true friends wouldn't do that to you. you deserve better than that, you deserve to have a nice evening with friends who actually care. I don't know their circumstances, but I think it's kinda rude to make important plans and then bail at the last second like that.

also I apologize if you didn't want a reply, I just really empathize with you and don't want you to feel alone 💜
 
aww I know we don't really interact much but I feel like you really need a hug 😔 true friends wouldn't do that to you. you deserve better than that, you deserve to have a nice evening with friends who actually care. I don't know their circumstances, but I think it's kinda rude to make important plans and then bail at the last second like that.

also I apologize if you didn't want a reply, I just really empathize with you and don't want you to feel alone 💜
no it's fine, i really appreciate the reply actually :) thank you so much! ❤️ i feel the same way about them cancelling as well. i get that they have other things to tend to, but i really wish they had told me at least a week before. even a few days before would have been good, at i wouldn't have spent as much money :/ i've calmed down now, but still really disappointed.
 
I have to have a meeting with my bosses today because the guy whos harrassed me at work for several months is upset I don't say hello to him and smile at him. Hes been very rude and downright mean to me and I don't reciprocate that energy. I don't give him any of my time. He now is telling managment I'm harrasing him by singling him out and not being friendly. 😓

Not looking forward to today. 😔
 
just found out that my diploma is going to have my birth name on it. 🙃 i know it’s standard for a person’s legal name to be put on stuff like that, but i was really hoping they wouldn’t since i told them i’d be starting the process of legally changing my name. i’ve worked my ass off for the past 7 years and have gone through so much in that time, so going through all that just to get birth named at the end of it is pretty discouraging. idk.
 
update: my last friend bailed on me. it's not gonna happen. my birthday dinner isn't happening. i literally spent so much money on getting stuff for it and now it's not even happening. i cant stop crying right now im literally so upset i just want to scream
Dude that sucks I’m so sorry! D: Giving you a hug as well!! I know what it feels like to be ditched tho, I made plans with friends to dress up for Halloween and while one told me in advance she couldn’t make it, the other bailed on me minutes before I was gonna head out, and I was already in full body paint so I just said screw it and went anyways. Jokes on them tho bc one house was giving out entire boxes of Girl Scout cookies ;)

I guess what I’m trying to say is do it anyways! Go out and have fun, you never know what cool thing might happen! Just because you were bailed on doesn’t mean you can’t have a great time!
 
Went through the meeting. It was supposed to be 15 mins. It took an hour an a half.

He yelled at me a lot. He called me stuck up and self righteous because I didn't yell back. Hes upset because I want to be a manager at my little bookstore and he doesn't like how many women leaders there are.

He basically excused his attacks on my character by saying things like. "Well she never..." and "She acts like..." I basically had to sit there for an hour and be told hes having some personal problems. His dad recently passed and hes been taking his anger out on me a lot to the point corprate is involved.

I tried to find middle ground with him. I truly am not a mean person and that he was upset with me, upset me. I asked him to look at it from my point of view that most of our interactions are curt because of his emotions. He said that I don't help the situation by being non confrontational.

I basically just sat there the entire time while he was venting and listened. Apologizing for mis communication and trying to find the root cause.

I don't think our problems are solved at all. I think hes mean to me for a few reasons that he thinks are okay. But like... I cant confront him on it.

Im at an impasse. I'm just crying in bed trying to look for another job.
 
This nice customer from work is always so nice to me. He speaks in a raspy voice and always says “Hi (my name)” very loudly. I feel like a dick wanting to scream at him because I can’t stand to hear my deadname. He also emphasizes that I’m a girl and I would make some guy happy which is literally the complete opposite of what I want. I hate my deadname so much and even when it belongs to other people. It doesn’t help that it’s a common name either. If I end up snapping I’m going to be seen as a dickbag, but he just doesn’t know. I don’t think he’d understand since he’s a bit older and has a disability. I don’t know…
 
Dude that sucks I’m so sorry! D: Giving you a hug as well!! I know what it feels like to be ditched tho, I made plans with friends to dress up for Halloween and while one told me in advance she couldn’t make it, the other bailed on me minutes before I was gonna head out, and I was already in full body paint so I just said screw it and went anyways. Jokes on them tho bc one house was giving out entire boxes of Girl Scout cookies ;)

I guess what I’m trying to say is do it anyways! Go out and have fun, you never know what cool thing might happen! Just because you were bailed on doesn’t mean you can’t have a great time!
yeah honestly i think i might do that tomorrow (since it's my bday tomorrow)!!! just go out by myself and buy something nice for myself. just not today though, i'm too upset to function :/
 
i just got an library ebook reading app, and you still have to wait for the book to have copies ready like you’re reading a physical book, which is mildly frustrating. i’m going to have to wait for ~6 weeks for death note volume 2 to be ready
also, my parents don’t know i’m reading manga. (i plan on reading other things as well)
my dad really doesn’t like anime/cosplay for some reason, so idk i just feel like he’d be unhappy with it
 
i'm trying to keep positive until graduation, but it's getting so hard. i'm really trying but everything just seems to upset me or make me angry right now.
 
i just got an library ebook reading app, and you still have to wait for the book to have copies ready like you’re reading a physical book, which is mildly frustrating. i’m going to have to wait for ~6 weeks for death note volume 2 to be ready
I work in a library so I'm familiar with this, I do find it odd that even though these books are digital copies you still have to put holds on them as if they were physical books. like why not just get a physical book then? cause within the consortium of 30+ libraries one if them is bound to have what you want. personally I've always preferred doing it that way anyways.


I just came here to say, I don't know how people in the old days dealt with anxiety disorders. this is just ridiculous and annoying and, frankly, kinda sad. I hope I can get it under control soon 😭
 
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