feeling pretty emotional, since I just got home from my trip yesterday. I feel overwhelmingly happy and grateful, and I'm also so sad and I'll just randomly break out into sobbing fits in the middle of whatever I'm doing. there's so much that has happened in the last week and a half, I haven't even had time to write much at all in my journal, and I have so much to talk about but not enough time or energy. I feel really tired, I drove 1400 miles in the week and a half I was gone. and I was hoping I could go back to sleep after waking up this morning, but no. I'm thinking a lot about the future and it honestly kinda worries me, so much could change and I'm very excited about the potential it has, but it just scares me so much. I want to be patient because I know the future has a lot of wonderful things in store for me, but I'm also constantly in that "you never know what day will be your last day on this earth" mindset, and I hate it because it makes me feel really impatient and stressed. I'm also just very grateful and I feel blessed with the friends I have, and I don't want to lose them or see something bad happen to them. I know I'm my own person and I can definitely stand on my own, but making that 7-9 hour drive twice has made me realize how much being alone sucks. I feel lonely right now. Maybe I can go talk to my mom for a little while. definitely would love to be able to ramble to someone for a few hours just to get all these incessant thoughts and worries out of my head.
also the insurance company has my anxiety med all messed up, so I've been out of it for the last four days. that's definitely not helping my situation. idek if I could call them today since it's Sunday, may have to wait til tomorrow.