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What's Bothering You?

My neck hurts and one of my eyes is half shut and swollen, and has been like this for the past week. I'm not sure why either, as it doesn't seem to be sleep-related and isn't affecting my health. I'm getting treatment for it soon though.
 
I really hate these tops that are marked S but are actually L with no difference in cut. It's a big pullover, just call it large. Small people can buy large clothes if they like how it looks. Both these sizes are massproduced, it's okay.
 
CW - illness speak, vomiting mentions and all that icky stuff

healthy people are so frustrating. I have two new roommates and they’re nice enough but they have no idea how compromised my immune system is because one of my roommates has been sick like all week and suddenly when I got the illness she said it was a mild cold and it obviously wasn’t great but I should get over it soon. My other roommmate also said he felt a tiny bit ill. Meanwhile I’m here with full blown flu symptoms - fever, vomiting, light sensitivity, the whole works And it’s (I assume) mostly to do with their lack of cleanliness in the kitchen and lack of concern just because THEYRE healthy. Even when I’ve been horribly sick these few days I’ve still had to take the bins out and clean the whole kitchen twice because they genuinely leave it filthy and I am just too vulnerable to viruses to allow that mess to sit and fester.My blessed boyfriend has been stepping in to help, but he’s also sick and needs rest so it’s just been tough on all of us. And my roommates still are not cleaning anything and are just adding mess to the existing mess when they know full well that I’m so sick I can’t get out of bed without crying. (and this is despite them saying that they were feeling better now) I’ve had the flu so severe before that I’ve needed medical assistance and yet the weight of all house management still falls on me or my partner who is literally my carer…. Like he’s busy enough thank you.

and now I’m missing my first full week of university while embarrassingly trying to explain to my five professors that I don’t have freshers flu from clubbing but from the stupid people around this house. THIS is why I’m always such a big advocate for staying home if you can when you have a viral illness. It could save a life. Your mild cold is my trip to the ER and an IV.

all day today I have cried and slept and taken medications I hate… I’m just unlucky to have gotten sick right before my annual booster jabs.I’m really going to try my best and march through and do some uni work, but I may just end up sleeping again because I want to miss as little university as possible - I’m not halfway across he country paying 27k to battle the flu.
 
Two things. The temporary problem is that I'm tired after not getting any sleep last night. Yesterday I took a nap in the evening and that messed up sleep schedule. So now I'm fighting the urge to go to sleep already.

I don't think that October/Halloween will be my new favorite time of the year. Every time that I look for Halloween decorations or aesthetic, images of spiders (clipart and decorations) pop up in the results. I hate spiders. It also doesn't help that lately I keep remembering the incident from last December. I was expecting to feel rage on the days leading up to Christmas, but not this early.
 
So, I'm not going to delete this post this time, but...

The mild bell's palsy that I got was most likely caused by lack of sleep, which makes sense. Ever since my mom passed in 2020, my sleep schedule has spiraled out of control, in part due to that and in part due to not having the structure in my life from university anymore. It's gotten so bad that I've taken too many all-nighters.

Well with this happening now, I believe it's a warning sign, and I absolutely have to start getting consistent sleep, or it's going to spiral out of control. It's been to the point where I crashed in the morning on some days and woke up feeling like someone took a sledgehammer to my head. And on other days I would think to myself, this is really the battle of my life.

I've been doing so much for others and sacrificing so much for others that in the end I've been sacrificing my health for others as well, and that uh... needs to stop. Even if I'm not exercising every day, at the very least I do need to get some amount of sleep every night.

This isn't so much a vent as a realization, but thank you to whoever reads this. 💚
 

THIS.
NOW I DON'T GET TO SEND SWAPDOODLES TO PEOPLE AND I CAN'T VISIT MY SISTER'S NEW LEAF TOWN.
ALSO WHAT THE HECK IS TBT GOING TO DO??

(btw, it says that online play functions on the 3ds and wii u are shutting down in april 2024 if you can't see the tweet)
 

THIS.
NOW I DON'T GET TO SEND SWAPDOODLES TO PEOPLE AND I CAN'T VISIT MY SISTER'S NEW LEAF TOWN.
ALSO WHAT THE HECK IS TBT GOING TO DO??

(btw, it says that online play functions on the 3ds and wii u are shutting down in april 2024 if you can't see the tweet)
Ugh. I know that they were intending on doing this eventually, but I expected it to happen when the Switch 2 was released.

Guess I gotta hurry up and get those ribbons on my Pokemon and transfer them over, since I'm doubtful they'll help us find another way to get them across. Sad to know that compatibility will likely be lost entirely.
 
Got into a very heated argument with my mom. She was on the phone with someone who was about to scam her and I told her to hang it up but she was not listening. I took the phone and turned it off and she lashed out at me. She tried to argue that there people working as "Government agents" that would help but I told her that they are scam because as soon as I heard them mentioned "Gift Cards" thats when I know its a scam. So now she and I are no longer on good terms and she doesn't want to speak to me after this. I saved her from a scam and this is the thanks I get?
 
without oversharing, just financial and personal things happening in my life. i dont think ive ever felt this depressed/sad/defeated in my life.
 
You can kinda guess what happened if you saw some of my recent posts in this topic but there’s more.

My grand dad passed away a bit ago. He had a full life and he had his kids with him so it doesn’t make me too sad in itself, but something else has made me angry.

Of course my mom and a lot of my family are grieving so I’m letting them be but my dad is actually just… awful. the other day a hose leading into the sink slid out and my mom asked for help cleaning it, and he was angry at her going like “WHAT” and he does his usual schpiel of saying he’s not angry. I actually have a recording of part of this argument but he made it about him, and he did the same thing as always of bringing up her ex from 40 years ago. (He has a list of a few topics and phrases he pulls out ad nauseam for arguments. He just wants to argue, not make any points.) My mom said that if he’s going to be like that he shouldn’t come to the funeral (and frankly I agree), but he spun it like she insulted his entire family.

I just don’t understand how somebody can be so motivated by hate. To be honest I don’t like either of my parents because of what they’ve put me through, but it’s not an excuse to act like he did. None of my other family have tried at all to reach out to or pass a message to me either, I’m not trying to make it about me but that kinda feels negligent to me.

Anyway, with my dad though, I stood up for my mom because it was really not the time. And so I asked him about the truth I’ve wondered for a long time, and I asked if he just doesn’t wanna look bad in front of me. “Well, no,” “well you do, you look like [explitives]” I can’t take this guy. I’ve been in this position of being the one to shut down arguments literally since I was a kid. He just made it about himself unprovoked. He should be ashamed of himself.
My dad doesn’t even seem to treat anyone else like a human considering he just seems to communicate in buying stuff nobody asked for and how he makes everything transactional, I think he’s only lighter on me because he looks down on me as his kid or part of his family by default (assumption), I wouldn’t be surprised if he was actually a psychopath. Why is it us man… why is it us… my mom should never have let things get to the point she did and tossed her problems on me when I was growing up but nobody I know deserves to be stuck with this guy.

I really really tried to focus, I went out and worked with turps in 90 degree weather (at the start of spring) and this is what I get, how can I not lose focus. Dear god, I actually feel like I’m 17 again. This feels like the year of negative reinforcement. I still want to focus on offline but I absolutely had to get this off my chest.
 
i’ve spent the past 3 hours listening to my mom scream, and now i just got into an argument with her because i once again deluded myself into thinking that i could maybe talk to her about anything ever.

i don’t have the brainpower to even figure out what i want to say. i’m just so tired, right down to my very bones. i’m so tired of being anxious in my home every day because i never know when something will happen that’ll set her off. i’m so tired of having to hide her keys or her purse or tug on her sleeve like i’m ****ing 4 or beg or cry or plead whenever she threatens to leave and “not come back”.

i don’t understand how she‘s so okay with treating the people she claims to love most in this world like this. she’s constantly yelling at bonk because god forbid she wants her attention and she has to stop looking at graphics or endlessly scrolling on facebook. my dad’s blood pressure is dangerously high because of her. i don’t feel safe or comfortable in my home. i had to hold in my pee for 3 hours because i couldn’t leave my room with her freaking out the way she was. and she’s just fine with all of this.

i think it’s time i start recording her to show to my counsellor. i’m so tired of people not knowing just how terrible this situation is and how abusive and narcissistic she can be. i’m just so tired.
 
Grief sucks, but I guess it kind of puts things in perspective. But it still sucks.
Next few years will be tough. ❤️‍🩹

And it's something I'm trying to come to terms with. But the water works are pretty leaky today.

It's just the time period in life. There are these seasons that you know will be tough because everything has a time, and you have a vague idea of when that is if you don't ignore it and you can kind of see it coming.. 😕
And alot change is always tough anyway... even if it isn't grievous change.
 
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