What's Bothering You?

[azurill]

Not feeling well today and so tired. The panic attack this morning only made things worse. At least I’m no longer feeling lightheaded. Only 4 more hours of work until I can go home.

 

[pottercrossing]

So there's a pretty high chance that I have strep throat... great. And it's that time of the month as well, so that just makes things worse.



I'm fine...

 

[themysterybidder]

Before I go on, I have to say I have been on a few forums in my life, but never felt comfortable enough to share on any of them apart from here.

Spoiler: Feeling sad, might delete later.

Today, (September 30) is a year since my beautiful Mum suffered a stroke and left the house by ambulance never to return. Never did I imagine when she left she wouldn't have came back. I thought there would be a lot of recovery time, but I would have never predicted that. It still feels like yesterday and I keep thinking about those moments sitting with her for countless hours in the hospital for 6 days until she passed. I hate to think of her like that and I know she would hate to be remembered like that. I still think of that late night sitting talking to her and her suffering a fit.

Over the past year I've really learnt who are true friends and family after knowing them for years. I don't expect the world to stop for anyone, but most people, who have known me for years - I must stress nobody on here, everyone has been and still is amazing, especially @S.J. and @-Blue- , you have helped me in so many ways (I will never know, how you put up with me!) - after a few weeks dismissed my grief and basically said: 'It's a way of life, it's worse when it's when your husband or wife.' or 'You're lucky you had a Mum, many don't or have passed younger.' I know I was extremely lucky to have her, but it doesn't make it any easier, and what gives anyone the right to dismiss someone else's grief as not being just as important? Whether it's a pet, child, spouse, sibling, friend, parent, all grief matters and every loss is just as important as another. If someone is better at coping with grief than someone else, I wouldn't think 'Oh well, they couldn't have been bothered by their loss.' Of course not, as everyone copes differently. I still tell her I love her everyday and kiss her photo.

I know it probably sounds crazy, but I still send text messages to her on special occasions and sometimes talk about her in present tense, only to my Dad and some members on here, as he feels the same that she is still here. Most others think I am mad, 'Oh she's gone and that's that.' I can't help it, I'm still heartbroken and if I'm honest, it isn't any easier. It's just trying to live life in a different way.

I still think her own brother feels guilty as he had an argument with her on Christmas Day 2019, and then on her birthday 2020. He had fallen out with her before and he always phoned/texted to apologise as he does know he can over react and he knew how much it stressed he out. He never even phoned or texted after that argument and my Mum had, had enough and basically said even though she was upset, that she couldn't put herself through anymore stress with him. It wasn't even anything to do with her, it was my own brother told her to tell her brother not to text or email things on certain subjects. Not even during Covid, did he ask once if she was ok, knowing that she had a weakened immune system.

I would definitely say I'm in a better place than last year, but nothing feels quite the same, even as much as I love Blossie, how much she makes me smile and helps me each day, there still feels like a part of my heart has been ripped out and will never be repaired. I know it will happen one day, but I am dreading the day anything happens to my Dad, as he is the only family member I have left that I truly care about and can talk to about anything. Maybe this is selfish, but I keep thinking of all the cruel people in the world who have done terrible things and they continue to live, but my Mum who never harmed a fly had to be taken so suddenly. I keep asking myself, did I miss any signs days before? If the ambulance had arrived quicker? Everyday there are still tears in my eyes and special occasions are even more difficult. This is her favourite time of year with Strictly Come Dancing starting in the UK and it would always be Christmas talk and looking at the gifts online. I could go on and on, I probably write more here in the coming days. I hope Blossom is in a cuddling mood today, as I don't think anything will distract me today. Going to play some ACNH later and see Kidd, as she loved ACNH and Kidd was her favourite.

 

[S.J.]

-snip-

DM incoming

 

[jiny]

annoyed bc i ordered some bracelets from a tiktok small business idk, in july and i still haven’t received them.. it is so annoying because she makes tiktok’s of packing orders that have only recently been placed instead of focusing on getting out the orders that have been months (im not the only one who’s experiencing delays in their order), i wish i had seen the tiktok’s of people talking about their similar experiences sooner, because then i never would’ve ordered but me i am such an impulse buyer (bad habit)!

i’ve commented on multiple of her tiktok’s where she replies to almost everyone except me , i’ve emailed her, dmed her on instagram, idk what else to do, she just ignores me and mostly other people who’ve had their order since months ago and have yet to receive theirs. idk it’s so frustrating and conveniently she has a no refund policy!!!

 

[Zerous]

-

 

[VanitasFan26]

No matter how I express how I feel in real life I always get the same dismissive responses:

"Things will get better"
"Hang in there"
"Try to be positive"

This is why I hate surpressing my emotions because its not good for my mental health when I act like things are okay when they are not.

 

[Xara]

snip

none of what you’ve said sounds crazy at all. i’m so sorry, jenny. i don’t know what it’s like to lose a parent, but i do know how utterly agonizing grief and trying to navigate life after loss is, and i’m so sorry that you know it as well. it isn‘t fair.

i know how horrifying it is to lose a loved one so unexpectedly, and to remember them in their last days and moments of life. i also know that, like you said, they wouldn’t want us to remember them like that— but that isn’t the only way you remember your mom. you remember and honour her every single time you talk about her, share a fact about her, or a memory you have with/of her. you remember and honour her every time you tell her you love her and kiss her photo, every time you send her a text, every time you try to still include her in special occasions. you remember and honour her today by planning to play new horizons and visit her favourite villager. you’re remembering the beauty of her life and the love you had for one another as much as you are remembering and feeling the devastation of the loss of her. you’re getting through this the best you can, and while i didn’t know your mom, i know she would be so, so proud of you.

i know everyone says this, but it’s true that grief isn’t linear. there’ll be days where you’re able to remember your mom fondly and smile and laugh, and there’ll be days like today where it somehow hurts more. that’s okay. grief and loss isn’t something that you ever get over, and no one has the right to expect you to, or to dismiss your grief in any way. there’s no set timeline for grieving; you’ll miss your beautiful mom and be grieving her in some way for the rest of your life, and there’s no wrong way to do that. you experienced a heartbreaking, life-changing loss, and navigating this sudden new life and world you’re in is difficult. but you’re allowed to do it at your pace— you’re doing the best you can, never let anyone try to tell you otherwise. no one gets to decide how you should deal with your grief.

i know how hard it is to not think about the future and the future losses and grief you’ll have to endure after a loss like this. the past two years have left me paranoid and terrified of when the next tragedy will happen. every time that my parents go out, i’m terrified that they won’t come home, to the point that i watch nothing but the news to see that they don’t end up on it. every police siren i hear is them coming to tell me that my parents are gone. every twitch that bonk makes is a precursor to something bad happening to her.

it’s hard not to be scared all the time, but something i’ve been trying to do is that when i’m scared the most, i try to ground myself. i focus on the present by saying to myself “my parents and bonk will be gone one day, but today is not that day. today, they are alive and well“. i know there’s nothing i can say that’ll take your pain or your fears away, but maybe saying something similar to yourself in the moments when you’re most scared about losing your dad might help?

cuddle with blossom, play new horizons, take care of yourself the best you can— do what you need to do to get through today. your dad is there with you, blossom is there with you, and you have friends who love and care about you in your corner. sending so much love and strength your way

 

[Seastar]

My laptop is so old that I can't get a very important update and now I'm scared of browsing the internet on it. Not everything works well on my phone (what I normally use now, anyway) and I have no idea when I would be able to get a new computer...

 

[Shawna]

No matter how I express how I feel in real life I always get the same dismissive responses:

"Things will get better"
"Hang in there"
"Try to be positive"

This is why I hate surpressing my emotions because its not good for my mental health when I act like things are okay when they are not.

I am sorry you are going through this. I hate when people try to force others to just be positive. It is a form of toxic positivity.

 

[Darkesque_]

It’s been about a year and a half since my ex and I broke up for the last time. After the breakup, we stayed close friends and lost romantic feelings for each other. I told myself that I wouldn’t pursue anyone until after I graduate, that way I can focus on school. Fast forward to now, I’ve fallen hard for this one guy, and I’m scared the feelings aren’t reciprocated. I am not skilled on picking up flirtatious cues, and I mistake normal banter for flirting. I’m just scared that he doesn’t like me back, and I’ll have to go back to being lonely. Also, before this guy and I started talking, I suppressed my loneliness and touch deprivation, but now that we’re talking those feelings have absolutely flooded in. So, yeah

 

[Kitsuragi]

My phone broke again

 

[Yoshi155]

One of the strings on my hoodie is trapped inside.

 

[Drawdler]

The last two dayd have suddenly been terrible and idk if taking a break even helps me

 

[Croconaw]

I have to get through today to officially “complete” my job transfer. Today ends my final week but it’s one of the worst days I’ve seen in terms of scheduling so idk. It started out okay but I still have nine hours left.

 

[nightglow]

Turns out my dad isn't being released from the hospital for now.

Spoiler: Spoiler

His lung stopped working so they are going to put a drain in it and let it drain by itself this time for a few days and hope it starts working again and if it doesn't they will look into surgery or whatever.
The last time they drained, it was manual, and they didn't get it all out because it got too painful, but they got over a liter out.

The whole thing just makes me mad. I've had bad experiences with doctors myself and this just reminds me of it.
Yeah, this broken rib isn't bothering him at all alright.
It should have never gotten to this point. It should have been set and braced. And the doctors pointing fingers at each other isnt an answer either. But because it's gotten to this point, now any decision or action made is even more complex and it's just a big snowball effect of risks and issues.
It would have been different if they were attentive(which the starting doctor was not attentive according to another doc) to what was going on and presented information to Dad and let him make risk decisions himself (it is his body and he has to live in it after all and none did this) and it turned out this way instead of, oh this broken rib isn't bothering you you don't need x or x and it turned out this way.

And, I'm just tired and my knee is acting up.

I thought about just not talking online anymore about personal things because it seems kind of dumb to post any of this kind of stuff anywhere, but I figured maybe it wouldn't matter either way anyway. Things are as they are and a bothering you thread exists. And no one had to press this spoiler tag.

But yeah, this is what has been bothering me lately.

 

[oak]

I heard the neighbourhood cats fighting last night and thought maybe a raccoon was involved so I went running through my living room and slipped and hit my head on the wall. Idk how I even did it but now I have a goose egg on my forehead. My partner said they saw my neck bend weird so luckily I didn't hurt myself more. Also the dumb cats were fine and a metre apart just screaming to be dramatic. I thought y'all were dying jeez

 

[Midoriya]

Yesterday was just a terrible, terrible day. Hopefully today is better, but I doubt it.

 

[.: Meri :.]

The last bromide I ordered got pretty badly bent in transit. It's already been refunded at least, I just hope Mercari covers the cost for the seller, which they apparently do if the damage wasn't the seller's fault (which I don't think it was).
I'd been really looking forward to it so that was a real bummer. I'll try to find something else to get instead ig.

 

[VanitasFan26]

Feeling lonely.