What's Bothering You?

new development in the worst week of my life: someone stole my new pc! it got delivered to a completely different unknown address (i've no idea where, because they're claiming it was delivered here, and there's no contact for the driver) and not only did the person ACCEPT IT, they might've potentially even signed my surname. (unclear. the automated response when i tried calling the courier company said my name was signed, but i'm not sure if it was just reciting the name on the receipt/package.) i'm... no words. what a horrible, selfish person regardless for not just telling the driver, "hey we didn't order anything from here," or "that's not my address or name on the label". so now i'm just missing a £750 pc lmao. emailed the seller company, and i can only presume they're opening an investigation with the courier service -- because i wasn't allowed to do it myself -- but they haven't answered me again yet. i know they're (hopefully?) probably doing their best, but the lack of response is making me very anxious when they initially responded very quickly. like that's a lot of money to just have completely up in the air.
 
finally got my new med picked up and I plan on usually taking it in the evening just like my old med, but I'm honestly so tempted to just take one now and then I'll wait til tomorrow afternoon/evening to take it again. I just know that, right now, I oddly feel pretty okay and very miserable at the same time. I'm so tired of dealing with this mood disorder, I want to start getting it under control as soon as I can 😞

(for those wondering, bipolar meds have a pretty short half life, so it shouldn't take as long to get into my system as an anti depressant/anxiety med would, hence why I want to take it now instead of later)

edit: also I'm in one of those moods where I crave stimulation, and yet somehow every single thing I do is irritating me, including things that I want to do. like I'm simultaneously ovrstimulated and understimulated. fun. 🙃
 
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I wish Steam IDs were changable, even if the fresh start is better for me. At least I'll have amazing bundle savings over the coming years.
 
I've called TWENTY FOURS places of business and while I got varying results (some didn't pick up, some of those that didn't I left a message but I'm not expecting anything back from them, some answered, one even hung up on me) I have gotten NOTHING. Two said to drop an application or resume even thou they weren't hiring, one said to email my resume (that I don't have) but everything has come out bust. I need a job or I'm going to run out of money just by paying for my bills+groceries. Then my parents are going to be ****** at me for not being a responsible adult, spending it all, quitting my job without having one lined up and not being able to get one to replenish my savings.

I'm so sick and tired of this process. I feel like crying it was never this hard finding a job before. With the restrictions my parents put on me tryin to find a job (no third party hiring sites like indeed or workday), having to be 'close', work in a plaza so I have somewhere to go during my breaks and not sketchy areas the options are gettin more and more limited. I'm terrified that I'll end up running out of money and my parents will find put how much of a **** up I am. They keep comparing me to my sis as the more 'responsible' child, every time she does somethin they don't like they say somethin like 'well Stella has X thing why don't you' and I don't even have X thing anymore but they don't know that and I don't want them to know that or they'll be ****** off at me for being so irresponsible when they keep toting me as the responsible one. I'm scared it'll come to a point that I have to end up borrowing money from them just to pay my bills+have food to eat. Idek if they would allow me to pay them back, they say 'we don't take things from others we earn ours' so idk if they would even let me do that kind of thing.

Why does it have to be so ****** hard to get a job, if I knew it would be this hard I wouldn't have quit or started looking sooner. It's been a year since I've last had a job and I quite literally can't afford another year without having a job.
 
just really hoping i can make it through this weekend. I need it to be monday so bad. I'm sick again and I need stronger antibiotics, but the soonest I could book my GP was for monday morning and they are closed on the weekends.

also found out my mom was diagnosed with lymphoma yesterday. I haven't been able to sleep. Could barely eat anything. All I could do was cry and it just makes me more dehydrated.
 
Millysaurusrexjr said:
just really hoping i can make it through this weekend. I need it to be monday so bad. I'm sick again and I need stronger antibiotics, but the soonest I could book my GP was for monday morning and they are closed on the weekends.

also found out my mom was diagnosed with lymphoma yesterday. I haven't been able to sleep. Could barely eat anything. All I could do was cry and it just makes me more dehydrated.
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I’m so sorry about your mother.
 
Millysaurusrexjr said:
just really hoping i can make it through this weekend. I need it to be monday so bad. I'm sick again and I need stronger antibiotics, but the soonest I could book my GP was for monday morning and they are closed on the weekends.

also found out my mom was diagnosed with lymphoma yesterday. I haven't been able to sleep. Could barely eat anything. All I could do was cry and it just makes me more dehydrated.
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So sorry to hear about your mom. I pray for strength and healing for you both.
 
I love how our house just falls into complete disarray and dysfunction when I'm not feeling well, god forbid I spend a few hours taking care of myself 🙃

it's really not fair that so many things that make our house just barely function, fall on me solely. and if I can't do it then it doesn't get done. my mom just had surgery and she needs help but my dad and brother have apparently refused or ignored her. I feel really hungry and I can't even eat because I'm so tired and fatigued and no one will cook for me. and now I have to deal with this stress because I can't help my mom right now and no one else will. so tired of this.
 
So tired of all these problems I can't do anything about. Now I can't even think straight and I don't know why. If I tried to make this post longer, I'd probably forget what I'm trying to say. I thought that was something that only happened when I need sleep, but it's happening right now, so maybe I was wrong.
 
My mom normally brings my older brother over on Fridays, and brings me and him dinner.
Today, my older brother wanted to stay with my mom. My dad (who I live with), told me to find my own dinner. However he bought him and his wife pizza and didn’t even ask me if I wanted anything. -_-
 
we were going to celebrate my birthday tomorrow bc my actual birthday is Monday and that's obvs not a great day to party, but we've had to cancel plans altogether because we just got the news that my grandfather's in the hospital and it's... not looking good. he's also pretty old and has been declining for a solid year or two now.
on top of that right before he started declining he decided to declare that he thought gay and trans people were degenerates. i had a pretty good relationship with him prior to that and was honestly planning to come out to him and my grandma around that time. obviously I still care about him bc he's my grandpa but I hadn't been able to look at him the same way since and. now this.

it's also my grandma's birthday today and I'd been worried/wondering why I was having a hard time getting ahold of her on the phone so I could wish her a happy birthday. I feel so bad for her right now

i'm just feeling a lot of things right now and they all suck tbh
 
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Merielle said:
snip
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i’m so sorry, meri. that’s awful. i can imagine how complex and complicated your feelings must be from my own experience with losing my grandmother, but please know that whatever you’re feeling right now is perfectly valid and understandable. loving and caring for a family member who has said awful things can be so hard to navigate, especially during a situation like this.

sending so much love to you and your family. you know i’m always here if you ever need/want to talk. 🫂
 
love when my dad walks into my room while I'm still trying to rest/sleep and he starts playing really loud music and making my dog bark. just lovely. 🙃

also I absolutely hate the song Simple Man (the reason why is pretty long and complicated) and if I hear it one more time I'm gonna start pullin my hair out.
 
I want to be more active on this forum again but I don’t even know where to start, I’m in a mood with a lot of personal introspection and I don’t want to be oversharing or thinking too much about myself here, and I’m also just too mentally occupied for casual banter. Really inna weird transitional spot rn.
 
I possibly had a job opportunity but just starting is pricey, I'm low on available funds and it also involved driving around a big van. I'm a very new driver, I struggle to drive around my compact Toyota, going from that to a van is just asking for trouble, esp with the way people drive around here. Horrendous and reckless.

It just sucks cause I've called well over 30+ locations, applied for a few, left my name and number with some and this place that's offering me mobile grooming didn't really say that in their website. It was a groomers, training and boarding kennel with an actual location. The grooming industry is expensive, I'm not even trained as one so I have to get trained, which costs money.
 
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