What's Bothering You?

pc showed up today. clearly at least the courier company knew where they wrongly delivered it to but still waited a week to bother rectifying it or telling anyone. and then... new problems! the monitor's stand is garbage because it's loose and unstable (and seemingly designed that way so it can tilt and push back? but all it does is fall off at the slightest nudge instead) and the pc company didn't even bother sending a power cable. oh, and of course they're not open weekends! so now i either have to pay out of pocket for a power cable or wait until these idiots open monday, go into the live chat (because email is useless) and ask for not only a power cable but apparently a new monitor -- if they'll even give me one -- because this one is far from usable. they'll probably tell me to send this one back, but if they do, they better plan to cover shipping. so! god knows when i'll actually get to use this stupid pc.
 
going through all the plushies I impulse purchased when I was dealing with hypomania back in 2022, I'm definitely not getting rid of all of them but there are so many that I really don't want, mostly bc they take up space but also the memories associated w them. if I end up not being able to sell them then I'll prob give them to a thrift store, I just want them gone. it's such a tedious and overwhelming process though, there are so many. 😮‍💨

also very worried about a dear friend, I know he will be okay but it breaks my heart to see my friends struggling so much 💔
 
Its hard to grief for someone you were suppose to be close but weren't, I never bothered to reach out or fix the relationship and now it will never happen.
I think I'm expected to be much sadder than this but to me the most sad part is everything that wasn't there (and maybe how much I'm to blame for that).
 
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I really wanted to spend my entire day off at home today but of course, I just had to go somewhere and burn a good chunk of it. I've literally worked from 7:30am to almost 6pm for two days in a row and I'm so burnt out and tired. There's some stuff I want to do but at the same time, do nothing instead. I really want to express my frustration to my parents but they'll probably say something to invalidate my emotions. I'm so irritated and angry that I want to scream. Ugh, I got back home a little while ago and it feels like I just came home from work which I really don't want to think about on days that I should be relaxing (which is today). I have to go back in tomorrow and I'm gonna go insane.

Something else I want to mention. I do not like to go to the church. I've not felt a spirtual connection that others have felt there. A lot of songs they sing have repetitive lyrics that makes me want to pull my hair. I'll let my family go there, but not me. It hurts even more with the fact that I'm basically being relied on to drive them to other places they need to go. Is it too ****ing much to just relax at home, especially after two exhausting days?
 
Been having a rough go the past few weeks as my gf's schedule has been all over the place and we really haven't been able to talk. I hate feeling so needy for attention like this, but dang if it isn't incredibly lonely... LDR are soooo hard.
Sometimes I wonder why I ever put myself through this, but I love her... I just wish we could be together. Everything would be easier... 😮‍💨
 
the saga continues. i paid out of pocket for a next-day power chord, and lo and behold the pc doesn't even switch on. the chord fits just fine, the outlet it's plugged into works just fine, yet i flip the switch and absolutely nothing happens! could it be the "wrong" chord? sure, maybe, but my research said any one should do, so who knows. i'm honestly so tired. this has been my first pc and the entire experience has been god damn awful. screw this company fr.
 
My ex who gaslit me when we were together, and treated me like I didn't exist after we split just finished her last day at the place we both used to work...and she's moving to another state. Which is all well and fine. Frankly, I'm glad. I'm relieved that I won't see her around. And I'm glad that she won't have any influence on the local community anymore. - BUT...it's super frustrating to see so many people showering her with love and saying how much they'll miss her "beautiful soul", when I know exactly who she is and how she treats people. She's just really good at making people love her, and I hate it. She uses people in the most disrespectful ways and refuses to take any accountability for it.

I don't want to be a bitter or spiteful person. But, I hate seeing mutual friends just gush over how much they'll miss her...when the truth is, she's a two-faced, fake, abusive liar. - And it annoys me even more that I quit that same job to get away from her abuse, and those same people barely said two words to me. There was no "we're really going to miss you" when she forced me out of my only income and left me recouping my mental state for over a year. Nope...I left, she stayed there. Was able to pull all the strings, convince my friends that I was the problem. So...they all love her and couldn't be bothered with me. Real nice. Gotta love it.

Anyway, rant over. Chapter closed.

But, I hate what she did. And I hate that so many people keep buying her act. It's hard.
 
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