What's Bothering You?

Feel bad about posting again so soon but... Oh my gosh. I think I've been lying to myself about my favorite season being winter. Once December is over, I no longer care for it and currently I am struggling to sleep because it is freezing... I hate this old house so much.
 
Someone (probably a child) is currently running back and forth in the house above mines. Good thing I'm not doing anything important right now. 😭
 
was recording myself talking for something and it reminded me of how much i hate, hate, HATE my own voice. mumbling and all lispy, can't believe i sound like that on a daily basis. i feel like my tongue is entirely too big for my mouth.
 
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I hope my best friend stops yelling at me (through chat on whatsapp) and stops telling me to drop it and stops with “you knew.” He knows how much I love him and the whole thing with love is blind, yet he chooses to ignore how much in pain i am and my only purpose and hope was to be more than a friend. he can tell me as many times as he wants to that i know how he feels, but he won’t listen to me (i repeat myself a lot, unintentionally and to make a point). He doesn’t want to hear it. He isn’t heartless but times like this makes me feel like he’s sometimes insensitive and doesn’t realize that the more he ignores my feelings and yells at me (I do deserve it without the threatening to stop talking me) the more I want to give up on life.At this point in my life, my pointless wish was all that kept me hanging on no matter had bad things get or how worthless and disposable. he tells me i’m not any of that and tells me to stop with that. but he doesn’t want to comfort me or be sympathetic even though he is the one that hurt me and pushed me to this point.he used to care more and stay to talk until i calmed down. he has been talking less to me even before this happened. he used to make more time for me and even stayed up to 4 am with me and helped distract me since I went to see Annabelle II with friends and it freaked me out so much. He cares so much for me and he says it is normal for friends do; none of my other friends (or former) seems to care about me or try to understand my mental health problems. It isn’t normal for me to have personal friends that try to help or that care about my well being. I know how he feels, yet I want to keep hoping he is hiding his feelings, even though he said he isn’t or testing me like he does sometimes. Not talking this out with him makes me feel invalid and in more despair.
 
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Dunquixote said:
I hope my best friend stops yelling at me (through chat on whatsapp) and stops telling me to drop it and stops with “you knew.” He knows how much I love him and the whole thing with love is blind, yet he chooses to ignore how much in pain i am and my only purpose and hope was to be more than a friend. he can tell me as many times as he wants to that i know how he feels, but he won’t listen to me (i repeat myself a lot, unintentionally and to make a point). He doesn’t want to hear it. He isn’t heartless but times like this makes me feel like he’s sometimes insensitive and doesn’t realize that the more he ignores my feelings and yells at me (I do deserve it without the threatening to stop talking me) the more I want to give up on life.At this point in my life, my pointless wish was all that kept me hanging on no matter had bad things get or how worthless and disposable. he tells me i’m not any of that and tells me to stop with that. but he doesn’t want to comfort me or be sympathetic even though he is the one that hurt me and pushed me to this point.he used to care more and stay to talk until i calmed down. he has been talking less to me even before this happened. he used to make more time for me and even stayed up to 4 am with me and helped distract me since I went to see Annabelle II with friends and it freaked me out so much. He cares so much for me and he says it is normal for friends do; none of my other friends (or former) seems to care about me or try to understand my mental health problems. It isn’t normal for me to have personal friends that try to help or that care about my well being. I know how he feels, yet I want to keep hoping he is hiding his feelings, even though he said he isn’t or testing me like he does sometimes. Not talking this out with him makes me feel invalid and in more despair.
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I know we don't talk but I just wanted to let you know I relate to you so hard right now ; (
if you ever wanna talk about it to someone whos going through a similar situation, my dms are always open <3 🫂
 
I wish that not having social media or not wanting it wasn't as taboo as it is. I also wish it wasn't so difficult to meet people with similar interests while not having social media. This means I'm basically limited to people I come across in real life. The people I know in real life are cool, but I feel like there's something more. I feel like I'm missing out on a lot by refusing to have social media. In the back of my mind, I'm thinking that by the time I get over myself for not wanting it, it'll be too late.

But social media is a cesspool. Everyone hides behind a screen and says **** to you they wouldn't dare say to your face. I don't like not being able to connect with people because everyone else is in such a different mindset. I don't care if I have hundreds of followers. I just want to talk to people with similar interests, but some people would see me as someone not worth their time if I don't have a social media account. I'm content being on this forum, but can't help but feel like I'm missing out by refusing to get with the times.
 
jiny said:
I know we don't talk but I just wanted to let you know I relate to you so hard right now ; (
if you ever wanna talk about it to someone whos going through a similar situation, my dms are always open <3 🫂
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thank you so much! same goes to you; you can message me too 🙂. very kind of you to offer ☺️. I hope things get better for you too and soon!
 
i genuinely feel like im going insane 😭 the whole story is so much to share, to keep it short i hung out w my ex boyfriend a week ago and feelings got involved ! ill just say that ! and we decided to stay friends even tho i still have a raging crush on him (crush sounds weird to describe it since we dated before; but that’s the best way to say it😟) and its so hard AJDKDJS like idk why im even doing this to myself like it’s embarrassing
 
jiny said:
i genuinely feel like im going insane 😭 the whole story is so much to share, to keep it short i hung out w my ex boyfriend a week ago and feelings got involved ! ill just say that ! and we decided to stay friends even tho i still have a raging crush on him (crush sounds weird to describe it since we dated before; but that’s the best way to say it😟) and its so hard AJDKDJS like idk why im even doing this to myself like it’s embarrassing
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I understand completely! Your situation does sound very similar to mine; my friend and I never dated and I’m nothing he’s interested 😔. I think how you feel is very valid; I hope you hang in there and stay safe 💜. Sending lots of good vibes and best wishes for things to get better and for you get what you want 🙂.
 
I've been trying to get an appointment for my routine bloods and a B12 injection since early December, was told that all appointments had been booked up due to the holidays. So, I actually went to the surgery to try and book an appointment and was told her computer wasn't working to phone in. To be quite honest I don't think she could actually be bothered, if I had phoned in from outside she could have done it, but not face-to-face? Been trying and trying since they re-opened on Wednesday and still no luck. My temporary medication is coming to an end and I can't start my new medication until I've had my bloods checked. It is a nightmare.
Edit: Finally got an appointment for Monday morning, but now I can't get in touch with my Rhuematology Nurse, as I've got to inform her about my bloods!
 
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i've had 3 best friends for basically my entire life and as of about a month ago i am the only one without kids , i'm literally so happy for them all, i know for all of them it's been part of their future plans and dreams and i love their kids so much, they're all perfect ! but it's just increasingly clear i don't quite fit as well anymore (and perhaps haven't for a while), and that's ok , i'll love them forever and maybe when/if i have kids one day that will lift ! it just makes me think i need to expand my social circle a bit but i have no idea how , it's hard when you're no longer younger , feel like everyone already has their established groups
 
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