i can't stand the way i used to be just 2-4~ years ago! i can't stand her. sometimes the memories flood back and for a second it feels like i'm there. feels like everything that's happened between then and now fades away and I'm just there and helpless. again.
it's so refreshing when i snap back and realize that the then has nothing to do with the now but it takes a while. i don't know, i feel crazy. sometimes i think i'm him when i'm obviously not. i don't want to be like the people that hurt me. i need to let some memories and ideas die and let go but it's hard.
additionally my room is a cluttered mess and it's only making me feel worse and worse along with my bad family situation right now. my mom keeps buying random things and hiding them from her husband in my room because he complains. i don't have space for anything. i cant get myself to move or clean anything up. very very stressed
I'm also scared of her husband