What's Bothering You?

I'm gonna have to take another cat to the rescue. she has been peeing all over our house, which is ridiculous bc we have three other cats (my three boys) and they all use the litter box just fine. she has like 5-6 different spots she pees on, and sometimes she just goes wherever she wants. I've caught her almost peeing in a food bowl a few times these last couple of weeks, and today I did catch her doing it.

I can't deal with this, I won't put up with it. my dad is gonna throw a fit I'm sure, but I really don't care. if he wants to live in disgusting filth then what the **** ever, but as long as my mom and I are living here I'd like our house to not become a biohazard cesspool (if it isn't already).

the place I want to take her is a rescue that I worked at for a while, they take good care of their cats and will even put them in foster homes if need be.

I always feel guilty doing stuff like that bc I know that animals undergo a lot of stress when being surrendered, but I seriously cannot have a cat who pees in the food bowls and every other place. it's unhealthy and unsanitary, and just downright disgusting. and considering my dad is basically a hoarder and refuses to clean, I know nothing will get better. I don't have the time or patience to deal with this anymore, I'm done. my dad can get over himself and stop being such a stubborn control freak.
 
i cried really bad earlier cuz i missed home and i cant go home in the foreseeable future bc my schedule is all messed up and i dont have more than 2 consecutive days off which is just not worth it. i miss home i miss my family i miss my room i miss my dog i miss literally everything there, i hate it here where it's dirty and messy and crowded and loud, i hate my small ass apartment that makes me feel so cramped up and lonely, i hate that it doesnt feel like home at all here. all i want to do is go home and curl up on our sofa on a lazy afternoon, i hate staying here and being forced to work almost every day for 12 hours. i hate how i dont have weekends off, i hate how we dont have holidays off, i hate how all i do is wake up eat work go home sleep repeat. i want to go home. i want to enjoy my life and spend my time doing things. i dont want to spend my free time in anxiety of my next shift. please i just want to go home to my family and loved ones.

also my friend told me i should probably go see a psychiatrist at this point bc ive been feeling Not So Great and i have so much pent-up feelings for years that i havent been able to fully sort out. And i have this kind of weird depressive/anxious episode during a specific time of the day? i absolutely hate sunsets, i used to cry frequently when i'd see a sunset and im alone, like there's just this great wave of sadness and anxiety that consumes me and it pretty much continues through the night. the Sad Episode i had earlier was during sunset time too so idk i dunno what to think of it. though im really scared to go to a psychiatrist bc i remember an experience i had with a counselor back then who basically told me i was just sensitive and that i needed to get over it. so for years i always thought i was just a big baby and havent learned how to Not Be Sensitive idk.

sorry my thoughts derailed so much idk how to end this post. i have no satisfying conclusion
 
I hardly got any sleep last night, I couldn’t go back to sleep right now. It’s hard to get some sleep when I’m under a lot of stress.

Honestly, just thinking about the Mollycord situation has put a lot of stress and anxiety on me. Even when I got to vent about it, it’s still too much for me to handle.
 
I wish I could be confident more in my skills and be gentle on myself with the stuff I'm not-so-good at. I heard one of my classmates play guitar in music class, and I was like, "They sound really good! ...Not like I'd ever be at that level". Even though I haven't spent a ton of time practicing, I still feel like I haven't made any improvement at all since the first time I tried out guitar.

Not like I'd be able to practice anytime soon, anyways. I got frustrated because my hands were too shaky to play, and then I cut my fingertip when I pressed too hard on a string. It started bleeding and I had to bandage it. How the hell did that even happen?

I'm trying to remind myself that I'm diving into a newish hobby with very little guidance/tutorials, and that I'll be good eventually if I keep practicing. But at the same time, I get discouraged when I do play 'cause I can't even stand how I sound. I don't want to give up on this, though.
Cutting your fingers on the strings is a rite of passage; Pink Floyd sang about it, and they’re the greats. You got this 💜
 
no but why did I randomly just start dissociating at work 🥲

thought I was feeling okay earlier, but now I feel like I'm not existing in this body, and I feel like I'm not sure what time period I'm living in. everything feels weird and foreign to me, it doesn't seem real. I also feel really cold and uncomfortable and tired. even reading back this text feels confusing to me, like I'm dealing with brain fog.

I think being at home is what caused it; I previously identified dissociation as a defense mechanism to eacape from the stress and occasional agony I feel at home. it just happened that I spent abt 20 minutes cooking in our kitchen, and if I stay anywhere outside my room for more than about 5 minutes my depression and stress level become unbearable. I shouldn't feel that way in the place I call home but hey, what can ya do.

but I'm at work and this has been going on for a few hours now, and I've tried to do grounding stuff but nothing has helped yet. and I forgot my earbuds today so I can't listen to music (not sure if that would even help). I'm not sure what to do. 😞

I guess I'll just keep doing my work and try to hang in there until I can lie down.
 
it's not exactly bothering me, but i'm just super bummed that i ended up having to return the stroller i got for my cats. it was super duper cute but it wasn't big enough to fit both of them at the same time 😭 i kept it a bit longer than needed because i kept telling myself i'd just walk with them one at a time, but i can't bear the thought of leaving one of them behind. gonna maybe look into purchasing one that's bigger off of amazon or something
 
I cut my fingertip when I pressed too hard on a string. It started bleeding and I had to bandage it. How the hell did that even happen?
I would've responded to this earlier but I was kinda having a problem 😅 but I can respond now. that's because you have to build up callouses on your fingertips. I don't play guitar frequently anymore, but when I was a teen I did, and I actually played guitar and mandolin so much that I did have callouses built up. once you get to that point it's pretty much smooth sailing as long as you keep playing consistently. 😊
 
the website is glitching out so badly for me on my phone its really really frustrating me i don't know how to fix it or why it started doing this!!!
It wouldn’t load at all two days ago or so, so there were definitely issues with it before, though I doubt it’s related. Are you able to clear your phone’s browser cache if it’s just on there?
 
I feel upset right now but I don't know why. It's a weird feeling; My throat is tight and I want to cry, but I can't recall anything that would make me sad or emotional. I was fine-ish literally a few minutes ago, so I don't know what's going on. This happened a couple of times during the past few days, but I just brushed it off.

Aside from that, I'm not super happy about the cut on my fingertip and I just want it to heal so I can get back to playing guitar. 😭 I'm also super tired and don't feel motivated to do anything. I just wanna lay in bed and watch YouTube videos, but I got stuff to do. :\
 
I don't really know what to say to you because what I would like to say is directed at your classmates who made those inappropriate comments(and not you)

I agree with ZeldaCrossing64 please tell a trusted adult such as a parent or teacher about this. What your classmates said was not okay in the slightest. You guys were suppose to be writing a awareness project about sexual violence and trying to erase stigma surrounding it, the things the girls said does the exact opposite, it further stigmatizes sexual violence, men can be victims of sexual violence and women can be perpetrators of sexual violence, men are not the only ones who cause it and women are not the only victims of it.

Sexual violence is always horrible and disgusting no matter what. It can be extremely difficult and traumatizing for victims to talk about their experiences and the stigma surrounding the subject makes it so male victims feel like it is not safe or okay for them to talk about what happened or get help when they deserve love and support just like all other victims.

It is not okay to generalize or classify people based on things such as race, nationality, ethnicity, biological sex, gender identity, sexuality, religion, disability etc. etc. We should judge people based on their actions and how they affect others not who they are labeled as, anyone has the potential to be a good or bad person regardless of what group they are part of it is how you treat others and your moral beliefs that matters. Men should not be held accountable for sexual violence, only perpetrators should, men do not think sexual violence is okay, only perpetrators and supporters of sexual violence believe that.

I am extremely sorry this happened to you, I think you handled the situation very maturely and I'm very glad you are speaking up about this and I think you need to tell a trusted adult about what happened. You worked very hard on the project and you did a good job with your classmates, I'm really sorry this made you very upset and uncomfortable you deserve to be treated better Mr_Keroppi
 
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