What's Bothering You?

I still feel bad about the other night with the bestie, we’re getting along again but I tried playing our game again and got really sad. It was such a stupid mistake and he never asked how I was the next day. It bothers me when I can’t talk things out with people and while undoubtedly he is my best friend this has always been a bad spot between us.

Also, I have to be non-specific about this here, but I saw something on another website that bothers me immensely. It actually hits way too close to home. I want to talk with someone about it but I also want to keep it buried. I suppose it’s YET ANOTHER thing on my endless list of subjects for my psychologist. It is that bad.
 
on top of being painful being sick is also just super annoying and inconvenient. everything you were planning to do for the next 4 or 5 days? forget about it. oh are you gonna miss the last day to be able to do something? too bad.
 
i wanna talk to my friends but i've been so busy and so anxious about how they will react to me contacting them out of the blue. i've spent more time thinking about how to talk to them then actually doing it. it's kinda upsetting and embarrassing.
 
I sometimes find myself at my former job only because my dad works there as a manager and I stop after (my) work occasionally. I know why I left, but almost every time I stop in, it gets even clearer that transferring was the right decision.

Someone I used to consider myself friends with was likely only using me to get things. One of them also said they missed having me around because they no longer have someone to bully.

I had two jobs at the time I worked there — I actually transferred to my other job full time. I’d frequently come into my second job stressed out after working at the first job. A few employees at the second job would ask me if I was alright out of genuine concern. I felt appreciated in that environment. The whole vibe is entirely different.

After officially transferring, it’s like everyone knew it was coming because I’ve heard “it’s about time” or “what took so long?” from more than one person. It was obviously a playful tone and nothing serious.

I think it finally clicked when I accidentally got dressed for the wrong job, and I spent the entire day not in the best of moods, as a result.

But yeah, someone at my former job today saw me with food and asked why I didn’t get them anything. Maybe it’s because we aren’t friends and we never were?
 
This is minor. Just a little anxious after posting stuff that made me happy. I know I’m probably fine, but I always replay things in my head or rethink about stuff I post and I can’t help worrying I was annoying or something I wrote was weird and not normal. When I get excited or “fangirl”, I can act pretty silly 😔. Also I repeat myself a lot, which annoys some people (or least it annoys my friend). sometime it is to make a point, other times I forget i already said it.

Also can’t seem to wake up even though I should be awake and not tired now.
 
i’ve been having really weird skin reactions either to the weather and my allergies have been reaaaaallly bad lately 😣😣

i went to an allergy specialist and they told me my skin isn’t reacting to environmental allergens but that i am allergic to ragweed and cats (the most devastating news tbh)
she said i could probably ask to be referred to a dermatologist for a testing but idk, maybe i’ll get around to it 😔
 
this is just a minor thing, but my PS2 really struggles to read discs. well, everything except for Revenge of the Flying Dutchman, it reads that game flawslessly. tell it to read anything else and it sits down and pouts like a child lol. I just want to play Gran Turismo 3 and Battle for Bikini Bottom, I know I've had this PS2 for like 20 years but come on 😭

himekirako said:
i’ve been having really weird skin reactions either to the weather and my allergies have been reaaaaallly bad lately 😣😣

i went to an allergy specialist and they told me my skin isn’t reacting to environmental allergens but that i am allergic to ragweed and cats (the most devastating news tbh)
she said i could probably ask to be referred to a dermatologist for a testing but idk, maybe i’ll get around to it 😔
Click to expand...
honestly in the same boat, I've been feeling itchy all over and really uncomfortable with the recent change in weather. benadryl helps a bit but not much. I had an allergy test done two years ago and found out that I'm allergic to ragweed, but ragweed doesn't come out til July here and I've been dealing with allergies off and on so I may or may not also be developing a cat allergy. feels like I may need another test done. hopefully you can get some answers, I know it can be frustrating.
 
a lot of the times I remember my Hammie.

I was browsing through an artist alley earlier when I saw hamster stickers that reminded me of my hamster..... I bought them and now that I'm at home I'm looking at the stickers again and I started to cry. My hamster Hammie passed away 3 years ago but I still think about her a lot... there are so many things that remind me of her, and even though she's only been with me for a year and a half, I still love her so much and I hope she knows that I loved her dearly. She was the very first pet I got to take care on my own, and she was with me for most of my first year alone in my apartment. She made me feel happy, she kept me company, and overall we had a lot of fun. Like literally without her I would be way more depressed, she filled my little apartment with life and sunshine. There was nothing much I could do during her final moments since we didn't have a nearby vet that specialized in hamsters, and a lot of the times I blame myself for whatever sickness she got. I couldn't also accept the fact that hamsters' lifespans were pretty short, so one way or another I was going to lose her too quickly....

Anyway, I want to learn how to feel at peace with myself and the passing of my hamster, I want to not beat myself up about what happened because I know deep down that I loved her so much. The hamster stickers I bought had the hamster smiling, eating, and one even said "I love you!" which absolutely broke me. I hope, hope, hope my hamster enjoyed her time on Earth with me, I hope she's happy wherever she is, running freely and eating all the sunflower seeds she wants. I hope she remembers me too. I hope she loves me too.

I miss her so much and I want to be at peace with her passing, even if it's been 3 years already.
 
I guess this is ironic after the last post (I don't exactly disagree though- I think people in general need more self-awareness).

Kinda coming to terms with how that guy I did cut out did use me up and I feel gaslit into thinking otherwise. Maybe it's the pain of those memories, making me feel so used, but that friendship truly was not normal or more importantly reasonable. I can seriously see why people kept cutting him out. I'm not the first one who did it.

It shouldn't matter, none of it should matter, he was always just some guy that inserted himself into my life, buttered me up and talked himself up... To ignore how much I cared and believed would also be unempathetic toward myself. I have to grieve that kind of loss again. It never gets easy. It never will.

Things could be a lot worse and I'm safe now. I'm away from that guy, another old haunt that hurt growing up, a veritable manipulator and... It's strange because I don't quite believe it or know what to do with myself.

Am I posting this in public out of old habit?
 
A lot of my friends have been feeling quite low these days, and they all came to me to vent and to have a shoulder to cry on. But with all the things they're dealing with, I feel like I don't have room to say that I, too, am feeling low and need someone to help me.
 
So my old shop I worked at took no time at all to gut the place inside out and make 'more modern' as someone said, and then has already opened this week.
What's gotten on my nerves is being lied to. My 'boss' said in her lil group chat message saying it was only her working there for a bit, and that was just for the paperwork bit. But today, I decided to have a quick glance in the shop window, and spotted her to be husband working there, sadly he did see he me and I quickly left.

Already gotten some people complain about the place aready though.

I mean, they;re only making it worse on themselves. I ain't backing down on reporting them for stuff.
 
Now this is just a silly video game complaint but Minecraft Realms… why is the limit on Bedrock only 3 people playing at once? You can have 20 if you just have it online without any sort of Realms sub and even Realms+ is 11 at once. Why do you pay more and get less? Why is it so stupid? Why have Microsoft mismanaged Minecraft so much over time? I miss my og account. Anyway, I’ve made a world for me and my server and I’d love to make it a Realm but with those limits is it even worth? Rhetorical question. This bothers me immensely.
 
Kinda wish I took the time to join in on the event. Looks like it was a lot of fun and I probably missed out on some fun shenanigans, but I just wasn't feeling it. I barely had the energy to get up and go to work everyday after dealing with things. I don't want to trigger anyone so I'll just leave it at that. You can skip this post, I just thought it might help to write it down.
 
I wish I was interested in certain things so I could join in on this thing some of my friends are doing, but I just can’t bring myself to force myself to do anything I’m not interested in. I don’t think it’s worth it, but sometimes I feel a little left out.

But thankfully, I’m not acting on these thoughts. I’m just letting it go and not thinking too much about it. It’s just weird seeing conversations I can’t be apart of because it’s discussing something I know nothing about.
 
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