What's Bothering You?

Do i “go” to zoom class today or nah. I’m leagues better than yesterday, but i’ve been dizzy and don’t feel up to it…on the other hand, i need to do something other than sleep and look at my phone, it’s getting boring and even depressing. I want to watch tv but i can’t because i don’t want to get my parents sick.
 
I've been thinking about my mom a lot recently (as in, every day) and it's really affecting me. With the five stages of grief, I feel like I'm permanently stuck on anger.

I was this close to being able to visit my mom freely as an adult and talk with her... But that opportunity was ripped away too soon. I won't be able to get any answers, or have any insight on my mom's life. I will never hear her say "I love you" or "I'm sorry" again.

She loved me and just didn't know how to show it, I think... But I'm not sure if the feeling is mutual now. How can you love someone who ruined your life?
 
Lots of stuff going on at work and in my head right now making me feel very unsettled...

I applied for a job in another town not expecting much of it, I didn't think I'd get that far with the application. Didn't hear back from them for ages, so just assumed that they found someone. Then they called me and I had a teams interview with them.

The interview went really well, they said I interviewed really well. I had already set my expectations really low, but now I'm trying not to get myself hyped up on the possibility that I might get somewhere with this.

It would be good for me financially if I got this job, but I'd also be much closer to family (which also saves money for me on travel costs). Not to mention it would be great for my career. So I can't help but feel really excited about it, disappointed that I don't get it, and just anxious in general!!
Update: I didn't get the job :( kinda a sigh of relief, but disappointed. They had nothing but positive feedback for me, unfortunately they appointed someone within the region. Here we go on the rollercoaster of emotions and stages of loss I guess 🥲
 
When people want to argue with your on your second hand price for something. If you don't like the reply, then buy somewhere else don't sit there and argue with me about my item. My item doesn't have marks and highlighting in it. Amazon's second hand does. That effects second hand cost whether you like it or not. And you driving to pick up an item or to look at an item isn't my problem. That is part of being a buyer of second hand items. A temporary sale on an online store for a brand new item is not the item's regular cost. That is a temporary sale, go buy from them and have it brand new instead of arguing about my second hand item.
 
Smthn I've learned thru streaming is just how unpleasant people can be. Like you have the audacity to show up to someone's own stream for the first time, follow them just 2 complain in their chat for ads running before the stream even fully starts (which 1. Is a twitch thing and 2. I'd rather the ads play when 1 person is there & I'm still prepping rather than 5 people being there and I'm trying to talk to them), and then unfollow them and leave? During a CHARITY stream of all things.

I've encountered the most wack ahh people during my charity streams actually. Just randos who show up and think they're better than you & that they can boss you around because you're a small streamer. I stream for myself because I like sharing what I love & think the whole process of it is interesting. The audacity that you feel you can take out the fact that you have no friends on random ppl on the internet is WILD.

You come into my home and tell me how I should arrange my furniture?? Like srsly some people are so lame. This is abt more than streaming obviously its just a specific observation
 
I’m doing okay; just tired since I hardly got sleep thanks to one of my cats. I feel kinda pressed for time too for my 2d art entry and am a bit worried about not having time to do everything that I want to with it. Still am a bit stressed from something else too. I’m hoping Jewels will behave when I go to sleep tonight and in the morning 😅.
 
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I'm so ****ing annoyed right now. When I thought I had alleviated my headaches, they're back once again plus sudden surges of abdominal cramps. Tried telling my parents about because I'm in pain, and they think it's just my period even though I told them it isn't. Not to mention I hurt my back shoveling snow yesterday, so there's that.

My brother has been an *******, as usual. He's made me wash dishes for him twice this week and keeps finding ways to do less work around the house. I'm the one who works more hours than him, and he's still pulling this ****. Ugh. He's a damn pain to deal with and I wish he would just listen instead of causing unnecessary trouble. :\

I wanted to spend the rest of my evening drawing and playing Stardew, but it looks like I'll have to call it an early night. My headache won't go away if I'm staring at screens.
 
The weather is stressing me out. You're telling me I get the possibility of tornadoes and then the unbearable winter comes back??
I need to get sleep before the first part happens but it's going to be hard...
 
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