What's Bothering You?
- Thread starter Oblivia
- Start date
KitaWarheit
Delicate Yet Exotic
I guess I just wanna talk into the air tonight before I fall asleep here... Maybe I'll find something to learn or a way to think of things, who knows~
You see, I want to talk about my hardships lately. Because I'm just realizing they are, in fact, hardships. Not me being lazy or dumb or insensitive.
I'm a 25 y/o woman living at home still. Granted, I've always had a bit of trouble keeping jobs with my depression and anxiety (and just enough Asperger's to make some things harder). My mom and dad are still together but I have an older half sister on my mom's side because her dad was a total string of bad words and up and left one day.
But my sister has been facing her alcoholism this past year and I feel I finally have a sister. It's great! Especially she really understands me and sometimes even helps me understand mom and dad.
I haven't always been close with my parents either... My grandmother practically raised me. But after her passing four years ago when we were hit head on by a drunk driver, I've learned that things weren't as they seemed...
To provide a smidge of back info: my grandmother isn't even blood related. Her son and my dad were best friends in high school and when he (the son) passed and soon after her husband, she didn't really have anywhere to go, so dad kinda took her in. But I was... very sheltered. But, my new therapist--bless her, she's doing amazing work--made me think and try hard to remember and put pieces together with recent back information. She purposefully put a wedge that was me and grandma VS everyone else. She needed to be needed and molded me to rely on her (she was in the house since the day I was born). Manipulation, lies, shame... I didn't realize half the stuff I did or thought wasn't normal until recent.
It's so hard to accept too... Like, she was everything to me--but to find out that was all a charade basically? In fact, she physically abused my sister. Mom was too afraid to stand up to her because of all the strange things grandma would do, mom was afraid she'd take off with me basically. And dad was stricken with guilt, knowing if he kicked her out, she wouldn't have a home.
When I first started learning this, I'd have dreams about grandma. It was usually something of her back was to me or she wouldn't talk or she wouldn't come home and I'd be crying and screaming, wanting to know why. (I know it was just my sub conscious trying to process everything but it still hurt...)
And now I have to accept my parents are kinda toxic? Like--not MY parents! No! Others have it way worse! At least they don't hit me!
But the things they say and the way they say it... Mom gets so passive aggressive a lot of times. In fact, it's so often, I can't tell when she's being genuine. And she freaks out first, thinks later. Dad is always... snappy. He doesn't show emotion a lot. Hah... I can even remember once he called me "an f'ing disappointment"--but, of course, that was him being angry and he didn't mean it.
I talk with my therapist but... I feel like I try to connect and then I metaphorically get slapped back into my hole. In fact, I'm scared to say how I feel half the time. What I want. Hell, I got chewed out by dad that night we were out eating: mom ordered a beer and I instinctively went "but you're driving" and dad got mad and said I shouldn't try to be bossy to my parents.
Yeah... I've always been the loner kid too. Bullied at school constantly. Didn't really have close friends until middle school. Thankfully, the internet was growing when I was growing up and I made online friends! But even then... Books were my savior in school. And using my imagination. I still do it to this day--mostly just for fun, but there are times when it's for comfort. I think of my OCs a lot--Alyx for example. If I have a terrible day, I imagine him next to me, being a comforting presence.
*takes a deep breath*
One day at a time.
I just wanted... Well, to vent. Maybe share experiences. Maybe get tips. Maybe inspire others. Who knows.
But I feel this community is so very kind and I feel safe sharing some things like this and coming together in one big internet hug
Remember... Bad days are just days that are bad...
You see, I want to talk about my hardships lately. Because I'm just realizing they are, in fact, hardships. Not me being lazy or dumb or insensitive.
I'm a 25 y/o woman living at home still. Granted, I've always had a bit of trouble keeping jobs with my depression and anxiety (and just enough Asperger's to make some things harder). My mom and dad are still together but I have an older half sister on my mom's side because her dad was a total string of bad words and up and left one day.
But my sister has been facing her alcoholism this past year and I feel I finally have a sister. It's great! Especially she really understands me and sometimes even helps me understand mom and dad.
I haven't always been close with my parents either... My grandmother practically raised me. But after her passing four years ago when we were hit head on by a drunk driver, I've learned that things weren't as they seemed...
To provide a smidge of back info: my grandmother isn't even blood related. Her son and my dad were best friends in high school and when he (the son) passed and soon after her husband, she didn't really have anywhere to go, so dad kinda took her in. But I was... very sheltered. But, my new therapist--bless her, she's doing amazing work--made me think and try hard to remember and put pieces together with recent back information. She purposefully put a wedge that was me and grandma VS everyone else. She needed to be needed and molded me to rely on her (she was in the house since the day I was born). Manipulation, lies, shame... I didn't realize half the stuff I did or thought wasn't normal until recent.
It's so hard to accept too... Like, she was everything to me--but to find out that was all a charade basically? In fact, she physically abused my sister. Mom was too afraid to stand up to her because of all the strange things grandma would do, mom was afraid she'd take off with me basically. And dad was stricken with guilt, knowing if he kicked her out, she wouldn't have a home.
When I first started learning this, I'd have dreams about grandma. It was usually something of her back was to me or she wouldn't talk or she wouldn't come home and I'd be crying and screaming, wanting to know why. (I know it was just my sub conscious trying to process everything but it still hurt...)
And now I have to accept my parents are kinda toxic? Like--not MY parents! No! Others have it way worse! At least they don't hit me!
But the things they say and the way they say it... Mom gets so passive aggressive a lot of times. In fact, it's so often, I can't tell when she's being genuine. And she freaks out first, thinks later. Dad is always... snappy. He doesn't show emotion a lot. Hah... I can even remember once he called me "an f'ing disappointment"--but, of course, that was him being angry and he didn't mean it.
I talk with my therapist but... I feel like I try to connect and then I metaphorically get slapped back into my hole. In fact, I'm scared to say how I feel half the time. What I want. Hell, I got chewed out by dad that night we were out eating: mom ordered a beer and I instinctively went "but you're driving" and dad got mad and said I shouldn't try to be bossy to my parents.
Yeah... I've always been the loner kid too. Bullied at school constantly. Didn't really have close friends until middle school. Thankfully, the internet was growing when I was growing up and I made online friends! But even then... Books were my savior in school. And using my imagination. I still do it to this day--mostly just for fun, but there are times when it's for comfort. I think of my OCs a lot--Alyx for example. If I have a terrible day, I imagine him next to me, being a comforting presence.
*takes a deep breath*
One day at a time.
I just wanted... Well, to vent. Maybe share experiences. Maybe get tips. Maybe inspire others. Who knows.
But I feel this community is so very kind and I feel safe sharing some things like this and coming together in one big internet hug
Remember... Bad days are just days that are bad...
i know we don’t know each other, but i’m proud of you for hanging in there. this all sounds really rough but i’m glad that you have therapy and that your sister is combating her alcohol addiction. family and life can really suck sometimes but you’re handling it the best you can, which is incredibly strong
when you want to wish someone a happy birthday and you can't even send them a pm or convo or they just have a full on private profile rip i mean i suppose people have their reasons but it's like.. aww damn i know this person
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visibleghost
ʕ •̀ o •́ ʔ
i sleep too much
i genuinely hate groupwork so much lmao. i get what the point of it is but honestly,, teachers try to incorporate groupwork into everything. like assignments that don’t take longer than 20-30 minutes or a question that you intend on asking the class about, anyways, does not need to be collaborative work. maybe some people like it or excel from it but it makes me so anxious; i don’t feel comfortable working in groups and so i’ll be doing this assignment on my own. i’ll probably get yelled at for it but groupwork hinders me and makes me so, so uncomfortable. even behind a screen i just,, hate it a lot and can’t do it lmao
Just had a bad day, hopefully the week picks up for me. I need to eat more as well.
It's annoying how somedays I feel like I'm on top of the world, and other days all I feel like doing is curling into a ball in complete darkness. Sometimes I don't feel like talking much, but it seems people don't understand that.
My dad has a black cat. Once he sent me a picture of her in the dark, and all you could see were a floating pair of eyes lol.
It's annoying how somedays I feel like I'm on top of the world, and other days all I feel like doing is curling into a ball in complete darkness. Sometimes I don't feel like talking much, but it seems people don't understand that.
Post automatically merged:
My dad has a black cat. Once he sent me a picture of her in the dark, and all you could see were a floating pair of eyes lol.
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Dwayne Johnson
Speaker | Change Maker | Visionary | Life Coach
procrastination back out of nowhere the last two days, and right when the work starts picking up too
fml
fml
friendly reminder to the people of the internet that NOT EVERYONE NEEDS TO SEE YOUR PERVERTED FANART AND ****
God I'm sick of wondering why people are like this, how does anyone find this cute/funny???
I'm sick of the perverted jokes, the dirty **** they say, and its just right there on the first page of google, on the first few images.
Why.
God I'm sick of wondering why people are like this, how does anyone find this cute/funny???
I'm sick of the perverted jokes, the dirty **** they say, and its just right there on the first page of google, on the first few images.
Why.
spawnpoint
Take a chance! 🎲
living
understandable
Dunquixote
Hiatus
I agree with this so much and I hate it too! I had an instance in college when not everyone put forth an equal effort; high school and middle school were the worst (thankfully, I think I had some teachers that let me work by myself). I just could not connect with any of my peers in high school and maybe in college as well. Hang in there.
negativity. most people were taught when they were young that if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything to begin with. and as young adults to adults, i think a lot of people forget that sentiment. it's okay not to agree with everything everyone else is saying, but you don't need to hammer down about it to everyone and implement your opinions down their throat. i don't care if you like this over that, or have a hundred of these things instead of those things, etc. it could be literally anything. if you're going to bring nothing but negativity into a situation, what is the point?
without constructive criticisms, without a willingness to to have an open mind? what's the point in putting forth an opinion that does nothing productive to the task or topic at hand? i just wish people would consider their words a bit better before unleashing them.
without constructive criticisms, without a willingness to to have an open mind? what's the point in putting forth an opinion that does nothing productive to the task or topic at hand? i just wish people would consider their words a bit better before unleashing them.
DarkDesertFox
Your Typical Trickster
I have just had this anger for my job swell more and more over time lately. I am just so frustrated and pissed off I want to scream into the sky. All was well today until surprise, surprise. The girl asked me for help on her account again and I tried my best but I could not figure out how to do any of this ****. EVERY request had something wrong with it that made all my efforts go to waste. **** that account so hard. No human being should have to endure that. I am tired of even backing it up. I want things to go back to the way they were. I'm tired of feeling stressed all the time.
