What's Bothering You?

I just want me and my dad to get vaccinated. I miss working, I hate feeling anxious every time I spend money because I know I’m not making any, and I miss getting to see my friends.

A part of me is also anxious though because I’m worried I’ll feel like I wasted all this free time. I haven’t accomplished anything in this time home and I’ll probably never get to have another year or so off from work like this. Just feeling conflicted and tired and blah.
 
i wrote a lot in my island journal yesterday and i kept saving my drafts, but i just checked and all of it was gone. my entry was almost done too :(
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Well... My Mom has suffered with Atrial fibrillation for several years now so she goes to get tests done every couple years. She went for her most recent one last week and got her results today....

Unfortunately they weren’t good. She’s on medical leave from work starting today and has to go for surgery in the next month or so and there’s no guarentee that it will fix the problem. If it doesn’t then that will more than likely lead to heart failure.

I’m staying as positive as I can right now and am hoping the surgery will be the answer but I can’t help but feel worried still.

I’m really sorry. :( sending positive thoughts and wishes your way and to your mom. If you need anything, feel free to message me. 🍀🤞Hang in there.
 
with the coming of spring, which i'm glad about, comes heat. and my room does not have an exit vent so i'm SWEATING TO DEATH with my fan on full blast. and my bed that has still not been replaced yet (still haven't gotten the new one -_-) makes it impossible to open my windows to get some air. oh i can not wait till i get my new bed and i can put stuff in my windowsills and get some fresh air in here.
 
Well... My Mom has suffered with Atrial fibrillation for several years now so she goes to get tests done every couple years. She went for her most recent one last week and got her results today....

Unfortunately they weren’t good. She’s on medical leave from work starting today and has to go for surgery in the next month or so and there’s no guarentee that it will fix the problem. If it doesn’t then that will more than likely lead to heart failure.

I’m staying as positive as I can right now and am hoping the surgery will be the answer but I can’t help but feel worried still.

oh no! i’m so sorry. i’ll keep you and your mom in my thoughts and prayers. ❤️


i wrote a lot in my island journal yesterday and i kept saving my drafts, but i just checked and all of it was gone. my entry was almost done too :(

oh i hate when that happens. i’m really sorry, friend. :(
 
oh no! i’m so sorry. i’ll keep you and your mom in my thoughts and prayers. ❤




oh i hate when that happens. i’m really sorry, friend. :(

I'll be okay; thanks so much for the response :).. It's not the worst thing that could've happened. :) I was so close to being done with my entry and having to start over is like omg rawr face. lol. 😅 Maybe it'll come out better this time.
 
I'm so sorry. I hope your mom's surgery is successful and sending you and your family lots of good vibes. 💜

Oh no, that's the worst! I wish you success on getting your entry written up again! 😊

It hurts me to my core when end users don't use software as intended and end up coming back to my development team with feature requests that we wouldn't have to work on if they were using the third-party software correctly.
 
I hate the fact I miss being in an abusive and codependent relationship. My fear of being alone allowed me to tolerate so many things. I even tried making attempts of reaching out after I was abandoned. It’d be nice if I could start dating again, but I’m afraid of rebounding while I’m not over them...
 
Favorite professor of mine is planning to move away. Don't think he'll stay. He's a sensitive and kind soul and I look up to him. I'm very fond of him. I think it's gonna hit me like a ton of bricks when that day comes. Also feeling depressed and ****ty. Feel like I'm a loser and that I'm not intelligent, and that people don't like me. Thinking I ****ed up. And once I think that way, it goes ****ing downhill. Bet my mom would ****ing laugh at me and say I'm a ****ing loser like my deadbeat dad. I'll never say a peep to her about my problems because **** her. I'm tired. I'll see someone soon to help console me. I don't know, I just would like to continue feeling empty. Though it's an awful feeling, sometimes I'll just want to linger on to all the negativity.

And sometimes I do things that I'll just beat myself over the head with over and over. Like if I feel like I said something idiotic or insulting or if I made a complete fool of myself, I'll lose it. Gonna start thinking that people will hate me or dislike me, and no one loves me. Maybe I got told that too many times by my family and I now turn out to want to receive love from every single person and for everyone to care for me, but that's a lot to ask for. It's impossible but it makes me so sad. I hate myself.
 

Hey, Dawn. I’m sorry your favorite professor is moving away. That’s tough. And I‘m sorry you’re feeling this way too. I can relate as I’ve felt this way before. For what it’s worth I think you’re a great person and your family is just rude af. You seem so much happier when you’re away from them. I’m here for you as a friend and if you need to talk or anything just let me know. :)
 
Pretty sure the criminals didn’t hack our router but the laptop is shot. Feeling like i need to consistently force my dad to keep updating/changing stuff. I’m not a black hole of nerves anymore but I’m still quite worried and anxious because of what they could have stolen off of the laptop (taxes) and the potential to start opening credits cards/steal identities... i hope nothing like this happens to anyone else here. I can’t even be mad at my dad anymore. It’s 100% preventable but my dad is way too trusting, even though i thought i had taught him better. I just feel such guilt like i could have prevented this from happening... i know i shouldn’t dwell on that because i can’t change what has happened, but i feel like that will keep me up again tonight 😪 also tfw you tell your friend about everything and they don’t even check in to see how i am or anything and tells me about some inane thing instead, like i really care 🙄
 
I don't know why I'm so bad with conflict. Well, that's not entirely true. My childhood was rocky and full of conflict that ended badly. It makes sense. Either way, I'm terrible with it and the stupid thing is I know I'm terrible with it. So why I even bothered commenting on the situation is beyond me. It's gotten me all upset and frazzled and it's my own damn fault. I know it's one of my anxiety points. I know that. I should know better than to have done that but I did it anyways and I just feel so stupid, yunno? I feel sick to my stomach and like a complete idiot.
 
I don't think you're an idiot! I find you to be well spoken if that helps at all.

You're really, really sweet for saying that Oak, thank you. 💕 You're really well spoken and lovely whenever I see you around the site. 💕

Sometimes it feels like people talk down to me/are condescending when making their points and that always makes me feel really dumb, especially because I always try to not do that to them, yunno? Or they just start shouting/talking louder than me (my dad does that) and that makes me feel dumb for bothering to say anything. The way I react to it too just makes me feel like an idiot. Like a normal person's response isn't to cry and feel sick after every little bit of conflict but that ends up happening and I always feel so stupid for crying. I know whatever has happened isn't a big deal so then I get even more frustrated with myself for crying about it. :/
 
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I don't know why I'm so bad with conflict. Well, that's not entirely true. My childhood was rocky and full of conflict that ended badly. It makes sense. Either way, I'm terrible with it and the stupid thing is I know I'm terrible with it. So why I even bothered commenting on the situation is beyond me. It's gotten me all upset and frazzled and it's my own damn fault. I know it's one of my anxiety points. I know that. I should know better than to have done that but I did it anyways and I just feel so stupid, yunno? I feel sick to my stomach and like a complete idiot.

you’re not stupid or an idiot at all, love. as someone with anger issues who’s also bad with conflict, i feel your pain and you’re not alone at all. but you’re genuinely one of the sweetest members here on the forum and i’m sorry that you’re not having the best time rn but my pms are always open if you need someone to talk to! :(💗
 
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