What's Bothering You?

I hate how my family who is telling me to not take the vaccine just because they heard one person getting blood clots is just only fear mongering the situations. I hate how they focus so much on the news media to try to make people be scared of "blood colts" when its only happened to a few people. I took my first Moderna Vaccine shot and I only had a minor headache and a sore arm but I felt better afterwards. I am taking my 2nd shot and I won't be stopped by people telling me not to take it. I am doing the right thing!
 
I have zero motivation today and it's supposed to snow tomorrow... I was out laying in the sun on our back deck just yesterday. Snow should be long over!
 
Cancel culture people who think it's their duty to trash talk celebrities/actors/whatever they're famous just to ruin the actual person and their career...Like no I don't feel sorry for teens who can't read and just do stuff for attention.
 
I got another confirmation thing for an appointment that I already tried to cancel / reschedule last week 🙄 It's an appointment to meet with a councillor which I am already apprehensive about and now the fact that she apparently doesn't get my emails makes me feel even more uncomfortable about the situation.
 
Feeling like a broken record because this is at least the third time I've had to give the same coworker the same feedback as before... *sigh*
 
Even though this is the worst depressive episode I’ve had in a few years I’m still doing better than expected. A decent therapist, effective antidepressants, and more maturity have made things easier. If this happened in 2016 I would definitely be in the hospital at this point. Still, I’m on edge 24/7.

I just can’t stop worrying about my ex. My paranoia keeps telling me they’ll start harassing me soon. The main reason being how much they used to trash talk their exes. One time we were talking about one of them and they literally said “I’m glad you want to beat him up.” (I didn’t really. I just got upset from hearing about a certain story). If their perception of all their exes is that bad, who knows what they’d ask someone to do to me?

I don’t even have romantic feelings for them anymore and yet I still feel guilty when I think about dating again. When will I reach the point where I can move on?
 
I wish I could move away from my parents. I hate that they've become so dependent on me and can't even file taxes by themselves or do any sort of basic paperwork without me because they can't do anything by themselves. I keep getting into arguments with them every single day and they would constantly gaslight me by saying that they provide my basic needs and that it's my fault for not understanding how to talk to the Labor Department of my state. All in all, my family is becoming a dysfunctional mess and I wish my dad would stop being whiny and blame be for not understanding what he wants when all he does is yell at me and tell me I'm not worth it. :)
 
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went to get my permanent retainer fixed today, and i'm a bit upset lol. i know they couldn't get it exactly the same as it was before, but the amount of glue they used on the side that came off my tooth is way more than before and they had to cut into my removable retainer to make it fit, but it still doesn't fit well. the left side is fine, but it doesn't sit on my teeth on the right. it's slightly raised.

and i'm kind of mad that they didn't try to find a solution to that? she was just like "well i think it will be fine" like ok i guess if you think it's fine but it's really annoying now and ugh
 
I accidentally ate like 9 oz. of barbecue boneless wings today (aka 720 calories for one thing on a 1200 calorie diet) lol whoops
 
I’m experiencing severe depression all of a sudden. I was fine all day and then boom. I was about to work on my island journal too 😓
 
My sleep schedule is a mess, 2am bed is early for me and I hate it. Cannot switch my brain off and my thoughts are always racing - it's exhausting.

I also have so many phone/zoom appointments this week and I cannot keep track of times. It's getting a bit overwhelming and I just know I'll forget some other important thing because of how focused I am on not messing up my timings lol
 
My sleep schedule is a mess, 2am bed is early for me and I hate it. Cannot switch my brain off and my thoughts are always racing - it's exhausting.

I have a very similar issue regarding the sleep schedule and thoughts thing, my mind won't 'shut off' and go a thousand miles a minute, literally keeping me awake. I also go to sleep at wack times occasionally. Idk if it will help any, but I usually try to imagine my thoughts slowing down, or -attempt- to think of relaxing calm things, like a still ocean, soft objects or literally just my bed. Just something tranquil and quiet. It takes me a while but eventually my mind will stop being so hyper active and slow down, allowing me to actually try to sleep. I hope that helps some!
 
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I have a very similar issue regarding the sleep schedule and thoughts thing, my mind won't 'shut off' and go a thousand miles a minute, literally keeping me awake. I also go to sleep at wack times occasionally. Idk if it will help any, but I usually try to imagine my thoughts slowing down, or -attempt- to think of relaxing calm things, like a still ocean, soft objects or literally just my bed. Just something tranquil and quiet. It takes me a while but eventually my mind will stop being so hyper active and slow down, allowing me to actually try to sleep. I hope that helps some!
Thanks for the advice, I appreciate you taking the time 💚
I think it's extra bad rn because of all my upcoming appointments, but usually I try and do something to distract myself like count down from 100, or just thinking random thoughts about tv shows I'm watching atm. It doesn't always work, but anything is better than random thoughts shooting around my head like tetris brain.
I wish you many peaceful nights of sleep - i'm manifesting the idea of a healthy sleep schedule for us both rn and urging it into reality lmao
 
What kind of ****ing mom does that. It's ****ing sick.

Just been thinking about some past events in my childhood that were covertly disgusting in a sense and... its been ****ing with me. That and also what kind of mother just... just wants to make their daughter inferior and make it a competition? Who tf does that...
 
after creating a profile on Handshake I really how actually unprepared I am to enter the workforce. I think it's mainly because I have no confidence in myself as a person with Aspergers, since nobody I've ever worked with seems to know how to really deal with (or is even willing to give) accommodations for autism.

it just worries me a lot, I don't want employer's to think I'm overly needy or picky, it's because I literally cannot function with an amount of work that would be considered normal to some and is excessive to me. I know what my limits are, I've learned it through working/studying overtime every day in college. I can't balance having this much work and also having good mental heath, and unfortunately I almost always put my own physical/mental health before my work. that'll probably be unattractive to a lot of employers. not to mention there are a lot of jobs that I just can't do, namely desk jobs and jobs that require a lot of hard focusing for more than a few hours at a time. needing a certain kind of job as well as accomodations will probably make it quite difficult for me to find a decent job.

ideally I want to get a job as a concert pianist, being able to spend hours every day studying and practicing music is something that I actually can do, and quite well (because it's my passion, I am a music/piano major after all). but idk how easy that will be. if i can't do that, or maybe just teach piano to a few students a week, idk what I'll do. maybe apply for disability or smth idk 🙃


edit: almost forgot to mention but things that are common traits in people who are autistic are seen as bad and untrustworthy things in interviews, like stuttering, not making eye contact constantly, getting lost in thought, etc. that kind of stuff worries me too, I have an auditory processing disorder and I don't often articulate my thoughts very well, and sometimes I just blank on what I was going to say or a specific piece of info about me. having to do an interview will probably be the worst thing for me.
 
when u and ur friend both have interviews for the same job position.

i want to just like curl up and die? like i am so not confident in myself at all and i feel like i'm suffocating in my home town
 
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