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What's Bothering You?

I’m supposed to go on vacation to the beach next week, but I just checked the forecast and it’s going to be unbelievably hot there, like it’s consistently going to be between 95 and 110 degrees (fahrenheit) and the heat index gets up to 128 degrees. Should be okay for the most part because there’s a large pool at our hotel and we’re not planning to leave much… except that we made plans and reservations to spend all day on the boardwalk on the hottest day that we’ll be there and i’m worried that it’s going to completely ruin that 😩
 
it's not even 6pm yet but I'm so tempted to just go to bed. I'm not necessarily hot (though it's been hovering around 90F here and will be for the next few days) but I'm a little warm and I would prob be more comfortable in front of the fan/AC while in my bed. the fan at my desk is good enough but the chair isn't particularly comfy to sit in, especially cause my cat is sleeping on the back of the chair so I can't rock it without accidentally moving/waking her. she's kinda old and fluffy and I figured she could cool off easier in my room but the only place she'll lie is on the back of my chair lol 😔

idk my thoughts are just racing rn, maybe I should go take a cool shower and try to take my mind off stuff.
 
This week is gonna be absolute hell, I wish we didn't have exams. :( I did my French one today, I had to write a 300-word texte explicatif about stress. How ironic, that's how I feel about the exams.

I'm so busy with the studying and preparing of the exams, I don't have time to enjoy myself now. I don't even have the weekend 'cause I gotta do unfinished schoolwork. Why couldn't my Science exam be this Friday instead of next Monday? :cautious:

Also, I haven't been able to watch Poofesure for almost a week and I'm going stir-crazy. 😭 Looks like I'm waking up early to watch his latest video tomorrow.
 
I wish I could look at myself in the mirror with glasses on. I hate my appearance with them so much that I take them off before entering the bathroom. This is something I’ve done for close to a decade, so I rarely think about it anymore. It’s sad because my self esteem is much better otherwise.
 
I've been deeply disturbed ever since I went to my grandparents' funerals and it hasn't gotten any better in a month's time. I just don't even know what to think anymore. I really don't.
 
stressed because again another person is coming over because of something to do with moving, didn’t sleep enough, have to go out shopping after this, can’t stop being bugged about the cliques on discord server and overthinking about stupid stuff, and of course still in shock over the VA’s recent passing.

Didn’t sleep enough either and mom woke me up when i was in deep sleep. since i couldn’t hear here with my white noise machine going on, it startled me. and she snapped and told me not to be crabby. i can’t process well when i’m waking up from deep sleep.
 
my fave pair of jeans broke yesterday, the zipper broke completely, good thing i had my coat with me to work so it didn't show, ugh. probs not gonna buy new pants til i lost some weight though cause i haaate my damn peach butt that came outta nowhere.
 
uhhhh hey. whatever is in my mind that's making me think abt my crushes nonstop? can you please stop doing that? I would appreciate it.
 
Funny how a stupid game like Wii Sports Resort Swordplay Showdown can piss me off, I wanted to break my Wii Remote like five times.
And me yelling at the Miis ("NOBODY LOVES YOU NAOMI", "RACHEL YOU DUMB ****," "ELISA GO AWAY") thinking it's actually gonna make me play better.
 
but why is my anxiety so bad right now? I can feel my body trembling and I feel like I might combust. I want to say idk what's wrong but I know exactly what's wrong and I can't say a darn thing about it to anyone 😞

edit: I'm okay now :>
 
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Can I please not wake up every 2 hours in the night

Swear to God I have some sort of sleep disorder, I've had difficulty with sleeping (along with other symptoms) for years
 
A spider just dropped down right in front of my face while I was at my desk AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

it's outside now but I nearly fell backwards out of my chair trying to get the heck away skfhsdklfjdaaklfc

cannot tell you how much I hated that
 
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I’m drained after my occupational therapy appointment today, and not sure how to feel about the next one. But I think it will be for the best.
 
Work was stressful, today was stressful. I get chronic migraines from stress... So, put two and two together.

Nothing seems to be going right. A customer at work bullied me for my bangs at work today, and pestered me to thank her for it? I cried so much after she left. I've been having such a bad day. It took everything in me not to start screaming at her :") Gotta be professional, so all I did was cry.
 
As expected I had multiple former high school classmates record me on their phones. One threatened to do something bad on my birthday. Unlike what their gossip says I’m only here to visit my other mom. I don’t go out of my way to irritate them. In fact I hate this place as much as they hate me. If she and my grandparents didn’t live here I’d never come back. It’d be nice if I could see my relatives without having to relive the trauma of my high school years each day.
 
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